Open letters to our ‘Pretty Little Liars’ – “Scream for Me” Season 5, Episode 8

Hanna had a lot going on in this episode, including an uncharacteristic remark about the length of her skirt.

What would you write to the Pretty Little Liars characters if you knew it would land in their inbox?

Pretty Little Liars Season 5, Episode 8

Hanna and Caleb got hot-n-heavy. (And lumberjacky.) Photo: ABC Family

Dear Hanna Marin

I don’t care how many people use the phrase “shade” but when you have empty beer cans falling out of your locker and you’ve got truly hideous black streaks in your hair…you really don’t have time for those kinds of mistakes.

Hey, didn’t your Grandfather invent the paperclip?

Listen girl, I don’t think everyone will understand the anger you had about those bath salts. But I totally understand that jealousy where you think your Mom is being nicer to someone you don’t even like. Rawr. I can see Alison totally single-white-femaling you, so beware.

Since when do you randomly think skirts are too short? That was such a move for Caleb. Drunk or not.

The Brew guy looks innocent, but also is very creepy. Maybe don’t sit alone in unlocked cars directly outside of where he works, huh?

Dear Aria Montgomery

You met an old, crotchety lady who asked you, “Are you here to finger paint or speed date the orderlies?” How can you life get any more perfect?

Man, you were GREAT with those tissue paper flowers. Put it on Pinterest, people!

I guess I wouldn’t have told my Mom what Hanna said, either. But, damn. That sucks.

Dear Emily Fields

I love that you said, “She’s like Amish when it comes to beer.” I mean, your mind? Sometimes I love it.

I like that you’re paranoid and suspicious, because you can’t be naive for life.

Dear Spencer Hastings

Well, your boy’s gonna be a cop. That means he will inevitably be a cop for life, in a town you’ll always want to leave. Good luck with that, yeesh.

Were you not nervous around the horses because you got to ride as a kid? I bet your parents signed you up for riding classes…maybe even competitions. I’m basically just really, really jealous of that.  Utilize your rich parents to get a horse! Or at LEAST a cute pony.

Dear Alison DiLaurentis

You’re very brave to wear such large, white earrings.

It’s pretty low to go around your friend and undercut her when she clearly doesn’t want you to stay at her house. Seriously, I’d have been so pissed.

You are SUCH A COLD SNAKE.  Hiring someone to break in so Mrs. Marin would be scared – just to buy your lie of a story? Balls, you have ’em.

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