This episode of True Blood was all over the place in a good way. Creepy, funny, gross and totally hot. But isn’t that just par for the course for the good citizens of Bon Temps?

No matter how many greats you say, it’s still gross

Sooooo….. yeah. I can’t believe they followed through with the Compton/Bellefleur connection. I have to apologize to anyone annoyed with me for bringing up that book plot line. I truly believed that after they slept together Alan Ball was taking it in another direction. But no. Let me reenact what happened when I watched this. My reactions will be in parenthesis. Portia introduces her grandmother, Caroline Bellefleur (Katherine Helmund) to which Bill responds with, “Caroline was my wife’s name” (No no no no). Caroline starts talking about the bloodline up her family tree up through Bill’s mortal life (please, Lord, no). When Caroline starts to have a senior moment and can’t remember the name of her great great grandfather, Portia gets out the old Bellefleur bible with all the names through the generations. (NOOOOOO).

Bill finds the name and both he and Caroline realize something and decide to cut the night. (Here it comes…..) Portia seems confused as to why Bill decides to leave – he tells her it is because Portia’s great great grandfather was married to Sarah Compton – Bill’s daughter. You can figure it out from there. (GROOOOOOSSSSSS) Nothing more disturbing than a good incest story line. Anyway, beyond discovering that he is related to his current lover, Bill was also busy trying to find the missing Eric. Pam tells him she has no idea where he is. Nan is just annoyed that Bill was dealing with Wiccans. So he goes to Sookie. Sookie plays it well, acting as if she assumed Bill forced Eric to leave so she could have her house back. But Bill said no, and he’s checked all of Eric’s homes except this one, so he wants to search her house. Sookie says no, but she can’t actually stop him because the house isn’t hers. He tries to go in and then she gets him where it hurts – she tells him she has never lied to him (unlike how he has lied to her) so he has no reason not to trust her. And that is enough for him, for now. Whew.

Secretive Shifters

Tommy, disappointed in Sam turning down his offer to rip off Maxine, went back home to his mom, Melinda. She says she left Joe Lee, so Tommy is glad to have his mom to himself. (Meanwhile, Maxine is desperately looking for Tommy, and goes to Merlotte’s to verbally attack Sam about it. Sam tells her he has no idea and wishes neither of them harm. Sam has been great this season….) Tommy and Melinda bond over how Tommy is educated now (he can read!) and how they don’t have fight for Joe Lee anymore. Such trashy sweetness. Except that Melinda is obviously hiding something…. and that something is Joe Lee who comes behind Tommy and chokes him with a chain. Looks like this was all just a ploy to get Tommy back so he can get back in the ring. Tommy may be able to read some words now, but apparently he hasn’t figured out how to read facial expressions. Sigh. Back in Bon Temps, his brother Sam is finding out a few secrets of his own. He goes to surprise Luna at her house, following her lead of being spontaneous, but she is less than thrilled to see him. Why? It may have something to do with the little girl that comes running to the door! Luna is momma to beautiful Emma. Sam is good with kids, thankfully, and comes in to play Barbies with Emma. (All together now: Awwwwww) I really wish they showed this though. How cute that would have been! Emma is in love and so is Luna a bit, especially when Sam isn’t scared off by Luna’s other secret – Emma is half werewolf. And the Daddy is a bit prone to jealousy. (Looks like Alcide may be interacting with people other Sookie!)

Panthers be Crazy

The last in the line of women Jason is meant to impregnate is young Becky, who is a virgin. Jason convinces her fairly easily that she does not want to do this and she should save herself for someone she loves. She gives him a knife and he cuts himself free and knocks out the old man guard. The next morning, Felton finds that Jason is gone and goes all crazy panther and runs after him with Crystal not far behind. Jason, having watched LOST, I assume, knows to throw off Felton by creating two trails. But eventually Felton catches up. Luckily Jason is up a tree and making a stake with a big branch and the knife Becky gave him. Jason drops down on Felton and stabs him in the neck and kills him. Crystal saunters up and changes back to a human and kicks dead Felton as a sweet goodbye. She’s a class act, that Crystal. She then starts to tell Jason how wonderful this is because now they can be together because she will be in charge as the Panther Mama and he will be their Panther Papa and Ghost Daddy. Wow. Jason calls her all sorts of fun names and says he wants nothing to do with her or any of Hotshot. But as he leaves she calls out to him that he will be back because no one else is going to have him now, and she’ll be looking for him at the full moon. Jason manages to get to the road where he promptly passes out. Jessica and Hoyt drive by and stop and Jess gives him some of her blood to heal him. This should be interesting.

Something Wicked This Way Comes

Let’s get the Terry and Arlene bit out of the way first, as it will probably give me nightmares for weeks. Arlene, Cody and Lisa are asleep on the couch after watching a movie. Terry is watching Mikey, who is sitting on a playmat with the creepy doll from Jess & Hoyt. Terry, realizing he needs to take care of the laundry, leaves the room. Then we see someone (something?) writing on the wall with red marker, and when Terry comes back in on the wall it says “NOT YOUR BABY.” Dude. It freaked me the freak out. Seriously. I don’t handle horror movies with kids/babies/dolls very well. And Terry’s scream wakes Arlene who sees it and also starts screaming. Meanwhile, Mikey is just chewing on the red marker and smiling. Eek. Now was it Mikey who wrote it? Or the doll? CREEPY! (Someone hold me….) Now, the other wicked – Marnie and her Spanish witch. As we learned during Nan and Bill’s talk, the last time a witch really caused any issues for the vamps was hundreds of years ago during the Spanish Inquisition. And finally, that witch seems to be seeking revenge for burning at the stake. Marnie has a dream where she sees Antonia (Royal Pains’ Paola Turbay) being burnt for being a witch. Antonia sees Marnie, though no one else does, and she tells Marnie a spell. Back in reality, Jesus, Lafayette and Tara are trying to get Marnie to reverse Eric’s spell, but Marnie seems unable to figure it out, until a book magically falls off the shelf, open to the correct spell. So they call Pam and they meet her in the woods. As Marnie starts to do the spell, Antonia starts to break through and instead of healing Eric, she casts a spell on Pam – she starts to decompose as if she has been dead for real this entire time. And it is disgusting. Lafayette, Tara and Jesus seem less than impressed. Again – it was super gross.

Two Naked Men, A Girl and a Hidey Hole.

After drinking a whole lot of Faerie blood (RIP Claudine) Eric is, well, he’s drunk. Really drunk. And feeling a bit extra sassy. He wants to drink Sookie, but she tells him no that he will kill her, which stops him. He then decides to pinch her butt a couple times and play a fun game of hide and seek. He wins because of the whole vampire super speed thing. But it is almost dawn, and she needs to find him before the faerie blood wears off and he can’t be in the sunlight anymore. She calls Alcide, who promptly comes over and takes his clothes off (thank you!) and goes wolf so he can track Eric. They find him in the creek, where there are gators apparently, pretending to be a sea god. When Alcide goes back to human form, Sookie finds herself standing between two incredibly tall, good-looking, naked men vying for her attention. Tough life, Sook. Eric does not want to leave the sunlight, but as the Faerie blood wears off and he starts to burn, she convinces him to come in. Sookie gets Eric all set up in his hidey hole where he wants her to stay with him because now he’s depressed. I love that Amnesia Eric hovers somewhere between small child and frat boy. In the same moment he can be pouting about being left alone, and checking out Sookie’s breasts. Fantastic. Back upstairs, Alcide gives Sookie a hard time about keeping Eric in the house, but she points out that he is also keeping a drug addict attempted murderer in his house. So they call it even, hug it out, give longing looks, and say goodbye. When Alcide gets home Debbie is less than thrilled he ran to Sookie’s aid, but masks her jealousy with smiles and sex. As you do. Later that night, Sookie goes to see Eric in the hidey hole and he tries to get her to give him a kiss to cheer him up. It almost works too. At which point all book readers hoped they would move this party ** *** ******. (Fingers crossed).

What did you think of this week’s episode? And are you as totally scared of Mikey and his doll as I am? Please say yes.

And big question: Who do you think Sookie should be with? Bill, Alcide or Eric. I will say this…. on the show it is more of a toss up than in the books, for me. Bill was extra cute with how he stuck up for Andy this week. And Alcide and Eric were naked for a good portion of their time on screen. You see the dilemma.

True Blood episode recap:

Written by Melissa Miller. Find her on Twitter @serrae

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