‘Total Divas’ Season Finale Recap: You’re my little noodleball!

Wrestlemania is a big, huge deal. Apparently. AND WHO LET’S THEIR BRIDESMAIDS WEAR WHITE?

The ladies strike a pose. Photo: E!

Total Divas Recap

It’s all about Wrestlemania in this episode. (Then, later, the wedding.)

“I know you love me, because I’m the bomb dot com.” – Ariane Andrew, being relevant

Nattie decides to out Nikki Bella’s secret, because DRAMA. Then she says, “please keep it to you guys.”

Meanwhile, Eva Marie had her first solo fan signing at Wrestlemania. She’s only been part of the WWE for one year, and blah blah blah. “I just, am freaking out,” she shares to the camera. Meanwhile, I am captivated by the way shse wore her hair draped only over one shoulder. It’s my new favorite hairstyle.

One of the fans who approaches Eva, and even gets an autograph, informs her: “I can’t even believe they’ll let you wrestle.” That’s not confusing. AT ALL. Either you’re a fan or you’re not, right?

Nattie hosts something, and her cheesiness is unbearable. For someone who acts so nice, I find her incredibly patronizing and phony. (But, in the sort of way where she probably doesn’t realize how fake she’s being.)

We see Trin and Ariane talk. Of her marriage, Trinity (Naomi Knight) says, “We in it now.” Astute. Things get tough when Trin calls out Ariane for never saying she loves her boyfriend. “You’re my little noodleball,” is the term of affection that Ariane feels best when using. But, Ariane’s season finale story is about she can’t say “I love you” to boyfriend, Vinnie. In fact, she’s never said it to a boyfriend.

Naturally, the secret about Nikki’s marriage is learned by John Cena. (I know this is an awkward sentence, but I’m so tired right now!) When they go out to eat, Nikki knows what must be wrong with John but convinces herself that it can’t be that.

In case you forgot that Wrestlemania is a big deal, Eve tells the camera that, “history is about to be made.” And she was serious – solemn, even. HISTORY, GUYS.  Serious wrestling history.  And there’s DRAMZ. Because matches are moved around, and The Bella Twins think they’ll get cut just like last year. Sounds seriously frustrating.  Even though the Undertaker doesn’t win his match, and it’s a big deal or something, uuuuh. The Diva’s do get to wrestle! Like a big wrestling orgy…they make the girls all do it in the ring together…which seems super unfair. The guys get all of their stuff, and then the girls are at the end…. ugh.

Nattie has a real moment with Eva, saying she respects Eva for being nervous. It’s a sweet moment.  And it’s true. Eva should be nervous. And it’s not a bad thing. It shows that she cares.

Summer Rae steals a moment, and her new BFF is Emma. (Who looks none too happy to be embraced by Summer’s crazy.) I like Emma, because she offered this helpful advice to Summer about the girls:,”Maybe you should stop being a bitch to them.”

Brie’s wedding! Well, Brie and Brian. In Sedona! It’s a gorgeous place.

When Nikki finds out that John knows she was married, it’s big dramz time. She’s upset. Brie’s upset. Their brother and Mother are upset. And Brie’s about to get married. Nikki comes off as super selfish. But the wedding is happening, and the aisle is a swirl of rose petals! (They sprayed them so they wouldn’t move, but I doubt it would have worked as well if there had been a longer train on Brie’s wedding dress.) The bridesmaids wear crowns of daisies. (And the bridesmaid dresses are pretty, but…white? And they’re really similar to Brie’s wedding dress, too. That’s a unique way of doing it…Not sure how I feel about it, though…) Their wedding vows are gorgeous. Truly beautiful and moving.

Since Nikki is selfish, she decides to tell John that she knows about him knowing about her being married. And he, like the effing gentleman he is, says, “Not the time or place.” Seriously! Nikki, ugh. UGH. But, of course, they do reconcile and everything is good.

And, Ariane is able to tell Vinnie she loves him.

Kind of a lackluster finale, but …still interesting. You agree?

Will you watch Total Divas season 2? Look for it on E!