What we learned from ‘Total Divas’ last night: John Cena could care less about Nikki Bella’s boobs

You might not think a reality show about wrestling divas in spandex outfits could teach you much. And you might even be right about that. But at least we learn new slang. Plus, John Cena would risk his girlfriend’s boobs becoming misshapen all in the name of messing around with electric pulse equipment.

Photo: E!

Total Divas Recap

John Cena is willing to pop his girlfriend’s (Nikki Bella) implants for science, with the electric stimulator that’s meant to be pumping fluid out of his elbow. Does this mean he doesn’t care about her boobs, or that he thinks they’re very replaceable? Who knows. But he’s playing way too fast and loose with a body part that’s been known to pop from even less pressure.

Cats will kill lizards, which Nattie Neidhart and TJ learn through experience.

Brie decides she can “exist” without Nikki, as it pertains to work.

Trinity’s boyfriend sits with her while she gets her hair done in a beauty shop. Whipped, who, now?

Gizmo the cat needed medical attention. He had a stroke, in fact. And I’d never mock this, or Nattie’s reaction. I’m obsessed with my pets, and I felt my heart strings being pulled at during all of these Gizmo scenes. Medical issues with pets make everyone feel helpless, since they can’t communicate with words. It’s awful! Nattie and TJ learn that the best thing to do for Gizmo is to put him to sleep, as he’s lost function of his back legs. TIP Gizmo. I hate that they aired that because it’s too real and awful. Ugh. Such a downer. This does make me love Nattie even more, though.

Trinity used the phrase, “Booty Meat.” Which means it’s a real phrase.

Brie and Nikki are fighting like cats and dogs, with tons of resentment brewing. But they’re still sisters who love each other.

Nikki Bella has $7,000 Louboutin heels. She also wore a flapper-esque dress that was one of the rare kinds of dresses that appeals to females as being a stylish dress, and men for being a sexy dress.

John went behind Trinity’s back, to kill her romance storyline. He’s very jealous, and doesn’t like his girlfriend having fame and attention.

The Bellas  and Eva wore Rainbow Brite outfits.  Rainbow Brite is still relevant.

Next week is the season finale of Total Divas.

REACT:  Did the Gizmo scenes affect you at all or do you have a cold, dead heart?