Well, this started off like a sizzling mess.

the sing off season 4 recap jewel ben folds

The Sing-Off Season 4 Recap December 11, 2013 – LIVE Recap

Hello, you may know me from my previous works such as my The Sing-Off Recap from Monday, and so on and so forth.

The Intro

“Leeeeeet’s get it started, in here,” is the scariest first line for a reality singing show. NO ONE ever deserves The Black Eyed Peas. And now we get ke$ha. Did no one tell these guys what songs are popular, now? This whole intro is a mess. They have everyone singing the same thing.

I honestly did want them to stop the music. That stage looked like a MESS. I’m scowling. I’m literally scowling over here.

The Sing-Off Recap – First Thoughts

Calle Sol has cute circus-y costumes. Hm.

The judges have all put on those sunglasses that Kanye West made popular about ten years ago. Again, I’m wondering about RELEVANCY. Was this filmed in 2013 or 2005?

Nick Lachey has noticed Jewel’s boobs. He’s probably wondering why he went for Jessica Simpson when there was another perfectly good blonde with boobs in the 90′s.  Maybe he doesn’t recognize her, because she used to have soul. BURN.

We have party JAMZ tonight. That explains my headache.

Vocal Rush – “Gonna Make You Sweat”

Their choice of colorful cardigan attire with is confusing to me. Jewel called them the, “United Colors of Beautiful,” which I think is a United Colors of Benetton reference.. another 90′s thing. Ben Folds said their groove was kind of off. That made me giggle. The “groove” is an actual thing. Folds is so blind that he just noticed now, that the group is all female except for two guys. Hm, that’s not secretly insulting AT ALL.

Robot!Jewel in her silver “here are my boobs” dress turned to Ben and said, “that was a very astute comment.” She just learned how to use that word. Applaud her. (I miss the old Jewel so much.)

Home Free – “Life is a Highway”

The main guy thinks he’s Jonathan Groff. Everyone is praising this tenor guy, but I find it …bad. Calle Sol was helping them learn to dance. Why would they help the competition? Then we had a lot of weird sexist remarks going on. Okay, let’s focus on the cheesiness and the fringe jackets. I don’t know a lot of musical terms, but this group doesn’t have enough of the non-girly sounding voices. We have the tenor guy, who is just WEIRD with how he sounds, which is why I think people cheer for him. Looking at this group actually makes me feel really angry. I want to punch their lead (Austin.) The best thing I can say about Home Free is that they make me want home fries. (The food, not the movie with Drew Barrymore. … That movie was awful. Probably. I never saw it. Cause her red hair looked so annoying.) Here’s the new message: don’t let badly dyed red hair happen to YOU or anyone you love. If you don’t watch it, you’ll look like Ronald McDonald.

VoicePlay – “Play that Funky Music”

Last week, they were in the Ultimate Sing-Off. It sounds deceptively good, but being in the Ultimate Sing-Off is bad.

I really hate how they’ve used their name with no space between two words, but still capitalizing the “P” in play.

“This performance, we’re gonna funk everybody up.”

Now if they don’t do amazingly, I’m going to have to mock them so hard.

Weird metallic peplum on Honey. Child, who dressed you? I love a good peplum. Emphasis on “good.” The vibe I get from this group is that they were established and they brought this girl in and now she’s bossing them all around because she’s got the best talent. So they’re all kind of p-whipped, which makes me look at them with pity.

Street Corner Renaissance – “Do You Love Me?”

This is a moment where I didn’t think I knew the song, but as they began I was like OH, HEY, I KNOW THIS SONG MAAAAN. (And I love it.) These guys are so cute and fun. Plus, they’ve got MOVES. The alligator shoes piss me off, however. I am all about PETA, you know? Stop wearing animal’s skin on yourselves. I hope that is FAUX. (Truthfully, I’m weird even about faux stuff.)

Note: SNL Promo. They must hate John Goodman to give him such weak promo material. Damn. Luckily, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are like unicorn goddesses and their promo for the Emmy’s saved the day.

Element – “Raise your Glass”

These girls always get a little hipster-y, so I expected a good song. Needless to say, I was disappointed by something that Glee did two seasons ago. I will say that I like how they are styled with the similar black and gold dresses and different jewelry pieces. It doesn’t look too forced, and they (presumably) did that without a stylist. I think I like you gals, Element.

Oh, token mohawk girl has her hair smoothed down this week. Well, OKAY then.

Shawn Stockman has no good praise for them other than to say, “dur, uh, you can really dance in your heels.” Otherwise, he and Folds were unimpressed. Too bad.

acoUstikats – “Hey Ya”

These are the jerkwads who sang “Blurred Lines” last week. They are super invested in how great they are, and are trying to make everything about their name… like “acousticrush” and “acoustifrat.” Their name is awful with the random capitalization and misspelling… They’re awful. They just think they’re great that I want to tell them how awful they are. And they have a MAMA KAT? Ugh. Get out of here. This is the team I loathe on this show, every other team I can get behind. And it’s weird, because these stupid acoustikats aren’t bad at the singing part. They’re bad at the not being d#(ks part. People this cocky make my soul hurt.

Commercial: Dogs Greenies Chews? They’re saying your dog really gets happy to have cleared plaque off their teeth. NO DOG THINKS THAT. Idiots. (Why does the autofill go to “dogs greenies danger”? That’s not a good sign for this product. The internet is abuzz about how these Greenies are dangerous… damn, I gave my CATS some of those cat Greenies before… wth? There’s too many red flags about the Greenies company for me to ever trust them again.

Calle Sol – “Livin La Vida Loca”

At this point we have to consider that these groups were given notes to pick late 90′s songs. Right?

Oh, so this is why they’re wearing the Circus dance costumes. Which I still love, btw. And I actually really like their vocals and their take on this song. Maybe their caliente sexiness is seducing me.

Does everyone seen the visible crying and head-hanging by the one girl? Man. Depressing. DREAMS ARE BEING CRUSHED, AND I AM EATING M&M’S. Are these unrelated events? You’ll have to wait and see!

Ten – “Hot in Herre”

This is another group I hate, and I’ll tell you why. They are a bunch of back-up singers who only formed to be on this show. I think that’s kinda crappy to just form so you can be on a reality show. You should be a group that does it for love and then can go on the show. I think their should be a rule that a group has to have been together for at least two years before they can compete. They act like they’re too good to be here. So maybe they should go away.

On the upside, if I didn’t hate their attitude, I’d love their performance this time. I can’t deny that energy.

“Nick, I don’t even begin to defrock until it’s 98 degrees.” – Ben Folds to Nick Lachey #Bliss

Shawn Stockman just has to laugh at how Nick Lachey is. Re: “Hot in here” vs “hot in HUUUR.”

The Filharmonic -”This is How We Do it”

Again, I’m so glad their name isn’t “filtharmonic.” I can’t say I’m super glad that they choose to wear all white outfits with neon yellow sneakers, though.

I can literally hear Nick Lachey’s tears as he realizes that now N’Sync and The Backstreet Boys are both being covered, but not 90 Degrees.

THE BOY HAS PROPS. Haha.

Whatever man, I dig it. They’re cheesy but I dig it anyway. And I do think they made this pretty smooth and “chocolatley” like they’d wanted to. …I think I’m picking my favorite team right now…am I? Yes, I am! I’m TEAM FILHARMONIC. Let’s do this. I’m tattooing their name on my ankle as I type.

Jewel loves the chocolate covered strawberries.

The 90′s were about partying? Uuuh. I was like, 15. For me, the 90′s was about wanting to be as cool as the people on My So-Called Life and Party of Five. I wasn’t partying so much as learning about Chai tea and listening to The Cranberries.

The Ultimate Sing-Off

Note: Last week the Princeton Pirates or whatever they were, did masturbatory actions in their Ultimate Sing-Off part. Anyone else catch that?

The Ultimate Sing-Off is confusing, because it sounds like a spin-off show where the winners compete. Instead, it’s where the losers go to battle and see which of them has to leave the show. And during that time, they make all sorts of dance moves…like Kung Fu fighting, or whatever. I think the producers of The Sing-Off have seen Pitch Perfect too many times, is what’s up.

THE BOTTOM TWO: Calle Sol (NO!), AcoUstiKats (YES!)

Just for having the bad taste to call themselves the “AcoUstiKats,” they should be eliminated. But then there’s all the reasons I mentioned up there. So, it was obvious who I was rooting for in this Ultimate Sing-Off in The Sing-Off about singing-off. Sing. Off. Off-Sing. Okay, I’m done.

THE SIIIIIIING-OOFFFF.

Now I’m really done. I promise. I WAS SINGING. *I* have to good taste not to do it aloud, is all.

Commercial: The commercial for the 2014 Chevrolet Traverse is super cute, though possibly creepy to young children. What do you think?

I want Calle Sol to high-kick in those Kats’ faces. That’s my gameplan. I’ve obviously studied with karate masters to think up such an extravagant plan.

Oh, look, NBC has picked a Kelly Clarkson song for them, and right after this we have a Kelly Clarkson special. HUH. Wonder if that was on purpose. (FACE.)

I keep thinking one team has lost it, but then the other team starts sucking, too. Heh. I wish the second lead from Calle Sol had gotten to sing more, as she was vocally stronger.

Who was eliminated on The Sing-Off last night?

AcoUstiKats Feedback
Ben Folds: Emotional content

Calle Sol Feedback
Ben Folds: Good focus
Jewel: Prove us wrong. You are capable to achieve your dreams, and are empowered

Eliminated: Calle Sol

And… no one sings as they walk away, anymore. DAMN, that was one part I loved.

REACT: Do you agree with the group that got eliminated?



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