Previously on The Real L Word… Dinah Shore weekend, Lauren and Kiyomi hookup, Amanda continues to throw shade and Romi continues to believe that she’s a celebrity.

This episode opens with Whitney and Sarraaaa heading back east to visit Whitney’s family. In particular, her grandma.  Whitney has decided that this is the perfect time to have that special, “I’m a big gay,” talk with her gram.  Also? She’s gonna tell gram that she intends to gay marry the hell out of her girlfriend. SURPRISE!

At the airport, Whitney is trying to figure out how to remove five pounds from her bag, because it’s overweight.

Whitney, immediately, blames the extra five pounds on Sarraaaa’s make-up. That totally would’ve been my first thought. Sarraaaa says, no, and, basically orders Whitney to start removing clothes from the suitcase. Bossy Sarraaaa is not nearly as fun as I thought she’d be.

Lauren wakes up with Kiyomi on her mind. She tells Amanda how much it sucks to like somebody who lives 3,000 miles away. Amanda pretends to be interested, while nibbling on a plate of… is that Broccolini? I love broccolini!

Meanwhile, back in New York, Kiyomi meets Vero for lunch. Kiyomi says she thinks it’s too soon for her to be thinking about jumping back into a serious relationship. She says she needs some “me” time, which I interpret to mean she’s going to spend more time gazing at herself, in the mirror, and touching her hair.

You know who’s really bringing the sexy? Vero, that’s who.

*mind wandering*

I’m sorry, what were we talking about? Oh, right.

Vero tells her that Lauren said that she could see herself only dating Kiyomi. *insert lesbian U-Haul joke*

Kacy meets her mom for lunch. They talk about how much she and Cori miss Charlie and how people seem to think that Kacy should already be over the loss. Kacy tells her mom that she and Cori are going to try again.  Not for nothing, but, Kacy’s mom seems like all kinds of awesome.

Whitney and Sarraaaa sitting around the kitchen table with grandma, drinking wine.

Whitney talks about how important her grandma is to her, and how she had a huge part in raising her. She says that her grandma was the safe place to go when things got crazy. For the first time, she’s nervous about revealing something for fear that her grandma might not be accepting of the whole, gay ladies getting hitched, thing.

While Whitney is trying to figure out the best time to reveal her big news, her childhood best friend arrives, for dinner. And, friendo has some news of her own. Childhood best friend reveals that she and her boyfriend are getting married, yay! Awkaarrrd!

Sarraaaa has a look on her face, like, “just tell her, already, so I can get drunk.”

I can always anticipate a Romi scene, because I start to experience mild flu-like symptoms. Nausea. Flop sweat.

I’m pretty sure that woman IS a virus.

Anyway, she’s meeting with some people to talk about shooting a video for the new song she’s recording.

She’s working her homeless chic look, for this meeting.  Baseball cap and a coat made entirely of weasel fur, I’m guessing.

Romi yammers on and on about how recording a song has always been on her list of things to do, along with pretending to be a lesbian, apparently.

She spontaneously starts singing an a capella version of her song, and I could swear that I saw frogs falling from the sky.

She says that she’s going to meet up with Dusty, another ex-boyfriend of hers, and he’s going to help her with her song. Also? I’m sure Dusty’s penis will figure into things, as well. And, what not. Etc, etc.

First of all, any dude named Dusty is always shady. Either they sell meth or they’re the dude who can tell you where to get the meth.

Secondly, these Romi scenes are way too long and are draining my lifeforce. FAST FORWARD!

Back to casa Lamanda, Amanda strolls in and casually asks Lauren to give her a ride to the airport. Amanda says she misses New York and all things East Coast, and must go back, NAOW!

Back at Whitney’s grandma’s house…

Whitney finally just blurts out that she’s marrying Sarraaaa. Grandma seems unphased by it and is like, “Oh yeah? Where’s the wine?” Whitney is relieved and says that she was worrying for nothing.

Later on, she and Sarraaaa decide to get legally married, since they’re in Connecticut and gay ladies getting hitched is legal, there.  This way, they can have a private, legal ceremony and grandma can be there, too.

This is just a random picture of Jonesy, Kacy and Cori’s gorgeous kitteh..

He needs his own show, dammit.  Does anybody have Ilene Chaiken’s number?  Hey, Showtime? Animal Planet? Give Jonesy his own show!

Finally, we meet Dusty, Romi’s ex-boyfriend. They meet up at the studio so that Romi can try to learn how to be a singer.

She begins to sing, and out of the blue, a swarm of locusts show up. Not really sure what that’s about.

And, yes, the singing was beyond awful. Like, if there had been a pair of knitting needles, nearby, I would’ve, aggressively, shoved them into my ears. No, first, I would’ve speed knitted a fancy hipster beanie, THEN, shoved them into my ears.

It’s all Ilene Chaiken’s fault.  She gave us Romi.  Also? She killed Dana. Don’t think we’ve forgotten, Ilene! Don’t think we’ve forgotten!

So, yeah, Romi talks about how she “felt something” when she was with Dusty.  I’m guessing that “something” would be Dusty’s junk. Poor Kelsey.

Kacy and Cori visit their doctor so that Cori can get inseminated, again. It’s a very sweet and emotional scene.

Back in New York, Amanda and Kiyomi decide to meet to see if they can be in the same room and not get into passive-aggressive fights, with each other.

Amanda tells Kiyomi that she just got off the phone with Lauren and that Lauren has decided to fly out to New York.

Kiyomi’s response was silent panic. Amanda thinks that Kiyomi should be a little bit more excited about her hot best friend, flying all the way to New York, just to see her.

Kiyomi says she’s nervous about Lauren coming to New York because things are moving so fast. She has a super crush on Lauren and doesn’t want to screw it up.

Back in Connecticut, Whitney and Sarraaa are gettin’ hitched! Yay! Why Whitney is dressed like a Mennonite farm hand, I have no idea. The important thing is… Love. Love wins. And that’s awesome!

Later on, Whitney, tearing up, saying that she never thought that her grandmother would be at her big gay wedding. Awwww.

No, I’m not crying, I just have something in my eye!

Written by Xander Blue, XanxiuZ on Twitter.

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