In terested in a snarky recap of what’s going on with The Real L Word? You’re going to love this.
Previously on The Real L Word… stuff that happened on last week’s episode. Hey, I’m not here to hold your hand. You need to keep up. Suffice it to say, there was drama. There is always drama, with the lesbians.
Whitney and Sarraaaaaa are in bed, participating is some early morning cuddling. They are a couple who believes in tattoos. A family that tattoos together… gets Hep C together?
They’re making with the lovey dovey talk, and it’s actually kind of… dare, I say it? ADORABLE!
I didn’t think these two had a chance. But, they seem to really, genuinely be in love. So, I can’t help but root for them and hope these two crazy kids make it… and adopt, at least, 17 more teeny, tiny dogs.
We catch up with Hunter Valentine on tour in San Antonio, TX, on their way to perform at SXSW. Somer is trying to fix her broken down Casio keyboard and her bandmates don’t seem to care one bit about Somer’s busted keyboard issues.
Kiyomi yammers on about how SXSW is the most important part of their tour and that Somer better get that damn Casio fixed or else!
Somer manages to fix her keyboard and, understandably, is very excited about it. Bandmates? Not so much. Kiyomi and Vero are busy playing with temporary tattoos.
Is it just me or does Kiyomi seem like a dismissive, arrogant douche?
I’ll bet if Kiyomi got arrested for being a douchebag, she’d expect the bandmates to kick in on the bail money. It would be the band’s bail money. Douche.
It’s pretty obvious that Somer is the new band member by the way Kiyomi and the other members treat her. It’s kind of not cool.
Romi and Rose are out and about doing, whatever. Who cares? I’ll be completely honest, I DVR this show so that I can fast-forward past certain sections. Romi segments usually get the FF treatment. But, I will soldier on!
Romi takes Rose to her hairdresser, and while gettin’ her hair did, she gets a phone call from a friend who tells her about Whitney and Sarraaaaaaa’s engagement.
This is Romi’s horribly fake, overly excited face when she gets the news.
She looks like she just ate several adorable kittens and is just all too excited about it. Shyeeaah, she’s not my favorite. Of course, the engagement news is, somehow, about Romi.
Romi is skeptical that Whitney and Sarraaaaaa can make their relationship work. You know, because Romi is an expert on stable relationships. *cough*
Oh no, sad music and random shots of baby clothes. Cori is crying and folding baby clothes. Oh noooo. This segment is just heartbreaking.
Apparently, Cori went into pre-labor and sadly, the baby didn’t survive. Just so sad. They would’ve made great parents. Hopefully, they will try again.
I, for one, am very happy that Cori and Kacy are prominently featured in this show. They give it texture. Humanity. Without them, this show would just be about a bunch of annoying lesbian hipsters… Lipsters? Yes, LIPSTERS! It would just be a bunch of vapid, annoying lipsters randomly hooking up with each other, incessantly talking about it and then getting into drunk, crying fights.
Speaking of vapid…
Lauren and Amanda are feeling all artsy and craftsy and decide to break down a box spring and convert it into a pod… for random hookups and love-ins and whatnot. See? Vapid. Also, they’re both impossibly gorgeous and I can’t stand it! Hmm, how does one go about getting invited to one of these pod hookup get togethers? Asking for a friend.
They briefly chat about Britenelle (stupid name), and Amanda reveals that she kicked Britenelle to the curb, because the relationship was obviously irritating Lauren, and she doesn’t want to do that.
Also? Amanda doesn’t know the definition of the word “prevalent”. Even still, she’s hot, so, who cares?
Meanwhile, back in Texas, Kiyomi and Somer are still bickering. Mostly, it’s Kiyomi telling Somer that she’s disrespectful and self-entitled. Pot? Meet kettle.
Romi driving around the streets of LA while chatting with her pseudo-boyfriend, Jay. She’s calling him to say how much she misses him and wants to see him more. His response: “Get a dog.” You get the sense that Jay is not really invested in this relationship. Like, he’s just in it for the sex and the TV time.
Because it’s nighttime in LA, Lauren and Amanda head out to the Here Lounge in WeHo. Naturally, copious amounts of alcohol is consumed and they start making out. Because, that’s what you do with your bestie. The one you don’t want to have a “serious” relationship with, just, you know, occasional sexy time. Okay.
Their makeout session is interrupted when Whitney, Sarraaaaaa and Ruby (Doppelganger Whitney) arrive. Apparently, Here is the only lesbian club in WeHo.
They all start chatting about sexing your bestie/roommate and how it’s like having a livin chef. Then Whitney starts talking about having sex with Ruby… in front of her newly minted fiance, Sarraaaaaaa. Amanda, jokingly, propositions Whitney and Sarraaaaaa to a threesome, then gives Sarraaaaaa this look…
If Amanda’s hat could talk, it would probably say, “Don’t trust this bitch! She’s sketchy!”
Voiceover Romi drones on about how she misses hanging out with her friends and she just wants to go out and dance and have no drama. So, of course, she heads over to the Here Lounge, the only lesbian hangout in WeHo.
Is it just me or does it appear that Sarraaaaaa’s eyebrows are trying to get closer to each other? By the end of this season, her eyebrows will have met, fallen in love and will be the featured couple on season four of the RLW.
Whitney proceeds to bag on Romi something awful. Romi is standing at the bar, doing that thing where you’re trying to be above it all and pretend that you’re having a super, fantastic great time, even though you know that there’s a group of hags talking mad caca, about you.
Apparently, Romi and Lauren are beeffin’ because Lauren slept with Kelsey after Romi told Kelsey to hit the bricks.
Cut to Austin, TX where Kiyomi is on the phone with Ali, her “girlfriend”.
This “relationship” is so annoying and unhealthy. FAST FORWARD!
Back to the drama at the Here Lounge. Look who walks in… to the only lesbian club in WeHo…
Kelsey strolls in and completely ignores Romi. This causes Romi to have some sort of emotional breakdown. Amazingly, she’s confused as to why her ex, the one she dumped, wouldn’t want to talk to her.
Romi confronts Kelsey and basically just whines about how Whitney and Lauren are being mean to her and her feelings are hurt. Of course, who can resist Romi when she’s this whiny and vulnerable?
Cori and Kacy are trying to figure out the best way to tell their RLW friends about the tragic loss of their baby. They decide to invite Whitney and Alyssa over to tell them about it, in person, and have them let everybody else know what happened.
Romi and Jay are out having a nice Chinese dinner. Romi wants to talk about their relationship, but Jay just wants to make jokes and not be serious. Jay says that it’s weird that she still refers to herself as a lesbian, when, you know, he’s her boyfriend and he has a penis. He explains that, if you’re a girl dating a boy, you’re not a lesbian, “you’re heterosexual or bi-sexual.”
Wow, a straight man who gets it.
Eventually, Romi comes to the conclusion that she loves Jay, but that he only likes her. Awkward.
Back at Casa de Whitney, she decides that it’s time to break the wonderful engagement news to her mom, via Skype. She says that she and her mom are super close and mom should be really stoked about the news.
Mama Mixter is really not feeling the whole, lesbians getting engaged, business. Whitney’s upset that her mom wasn’t over the moon, about the engagement, and worries that her mom might feel weird about her engagement to Sarraaaaaaaa..
Cut to more scenes of Romi talking… about Romi. Moving on…
Amanda is homesick. She says she misses her ex-girlfriend, back in New York. The one she left for LA and Lauren.
Lauren’s Spidey senses tell her that Amanda needs some cheering up, so, she says let’s go to New York. Amanda is all, “yaay, New York. I can go back home, hookup with my ex and Lauren will be none the wiser.” Well, she didn’t say that, but, you know that’s totally what’s gonna happen.
Romi’s on the phone asking somebody to come over. Who could it possibly be?
Surprise! It’s Kelsey and she has flowers. Awwww. Later on in this scene, Kelsey, creepily, steps out of the shadows wearing nothing but a strap-on.
A strap-on appearing, out of nowhere, when it’s expected is great, but it can be jarring if it’s unexpected. Let’s say, you’re at the dentist, and somebody just walks in, wearing a strap-on. Jarring, am I right?!
Anyway, they have creepy, emotionally unhealthy sex. This is so not going to end well.
Written by XanxiuZ.