A trip to Hawaii shouldn’t be so frustrating and exasperating unless you’ve gone there to recover from having your wisdom teeth pulled out of your head by a ruthless, blind pirate. For goodness sakes.

We don’t really see any of Kim Richards (unless you count flashbacks) or her boyfriend, Ken, in this episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Because we haven’t asked yet – don’t you think he’s kind of… uglylikeatrollman and it’s odd Kim is dating him? It’s almost like he has her hostage, she’s suddenly never available. (We know that part of that was due to substance abuse as she’s currently in rehab. What his role in that was, who knows.)

It’s hard not to hate on Kim for being such a flake, especially to her sister. Missing two flights to Hawaii to celebrate her husband-in-law’s birthday is pretty low. Especially after you insist that you’ll come only if your boyfriend can come, and they agree.

Taylor Armstrong in therapy was also fairly unlikeable. You want to reach out and nurture her and tell her it’s okay, but at the same time patience can run thin and Taylor starts sounding like a whiny kid that just wants to complain about everything and never make a change. Certainly she was scared about initiating a divorce, but she’s also supposed to be a grown woman taking care of her child. Her fragility is not as endearing as it is exasperating.

During her therapy session, she felt free to admit that Camille Grammer was not lying, or exaggerating. When at the White Party, she kept saying to Russell and her friends that Camile had greatly exaggerated what Taylor had said. In the limo with just Russell, he asserted that what Camile said was a complete lie and Taylor held her tongue. Here, it becomes a portrait of a scared woman that is afraid to speak up at all. Since she has been unable to speak up against her friends, she’s taken to repeating and defending Russell. That means when she says “I’ve finally found my voice, and I’m not afraid to use it” she’s really just been a bitch all season on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills season 2. She’s been taking out everything on her friends, and hopefully they will forgive her for that.

Another note about the White Party – unlike on Gossip Girl where the drama makes a party, here it felt unfair that Kyle Richards would throw this huge party and then be so miserable at it. She seemed to cheer up towards the end, but I’m sure that party was mostly just a disaster. Plus, everyone had to wear white and what woman looks great in all white?

It’s painful to admit, but it’s easy to hate Russell Armstrong as he was depicted in this season, especially the prior episode and this one. He’s so cold and stern.

Moving away from that, everyone minus Taylor and Russell go to Hawaii. Even though everything you read claims that first class really isn’t that great, apparently if you go to Honolulu it is. The first class accommodations for this group were out of this world with specialty cocktails and everything. The smaller plane to Lanai wasn’t as easy, but it was technically a private jet which still screams luxury. And, of course, they all stayed in suites at The Four Seasons. Hello, fancy.

Brandi Glanville was annoying, not so much in what she was saying but in her shrill sorority voice. She was vocal about how she dosed herself on Xanax and then had some drinks. Apparently she got drunk and got married in Las Vegas this weekend. So, she’s basically a rich wreck. And while in Hawaii she was flirting with Ken – Lisa’s husband. While in her typical outfits that never require bras. And her bikini was even worse.

Brandi wore a tiny, sheer, bikini in Hawaii. She was basically naked. Meanwhile, Camile also wore a bikini but it was an odd choice of black with thick halter straps and black wedges. Ladies, you’re in Hawaii – lighten up. The night before Adrienne Maloof was the offender in a black dominatrix-like dress while everyone else was in floaty caftans.

With all of this laying around by the pool and beach, you’d think someone might swim. But no one in this episode (that we saw) went into a pool or into the ocean except to dip their feet. It’s damn greedy of them to go all the way there and take advantage of almost none of that. How many people would kill to swim in the ocean? Plenty! Or even a pool. (Of course, they all own pools at home – that they likely never go in either. And don’t get us started on how many would love to own their own pool.)

Near the end of this episode, Taylor calls Lisa Vanderpump (the pair had recently become chummy and she probably seemed like her best ally at the time.) Kyle was also there, and they heard Taylor say her marriage was over. But there are plenty of steps in ending a marriage, and people don’t always mean it. But Taylor confirmed that Russell was actually moving out of the house. In a camera interview we saw Kyle Richards say, simply, “Thank God.”

Next week: Kim shows up. But we already know that she’s currently in rehab so she’ll likely be drunk and full of excuses. Let’s pray we see one of these guys actually swim in the damn ocean!

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