Don’t try to pass day-old juice off to Kim Richards, she can tell the difference. Although, in replacing one addiction for another, she could have done worse. Plus, Jack Lalanne would be proud.

the real housewives of beverly hills 2013 2014 2015

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills stars: Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Joyce Giraud, Yolanda Foster, Brandi Glanville, Carlton Gebbia, Lisa Vanderpump. Credit: Bravo

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills “Palm Spring Breakers” Recap

  • Kyle and Lisa almost became friends again when they sat next to each other and Kyle let Lisa look up her skirt. Apparently she didn’t like what she saw, because the two are not at BFF status again.
  • The ladies traipsed to Palm Springs, which was hot and like hell for them. Woe, woe, it’s so hard to walk up and down stairs. How dare the world do this to them! STAIRS? Are you kidding me?! Get me the escalators or get out of here!
  • Yolanda and Kyle got into it again. They’ll never be friends.
  • Carlton took Kyle to task for every little moment that could have been offensive. I’d love to like Carlton, but she seems pretty pretentious and sensitive.
  • Brandi got all racist and wore a bikini with Jesus on it.
  • Brandi dislikes Jocelyn, and sometimes purposefully calls her “Jacklyn.”
  • Kyle made fun use of the phrase, “looking for t*ts on an ant.”
  • There’s a Lisa-Brandi-Yolanda team. Maybe they’ll make t-shirts.
  • Someone in Beverly Hills was walking a tiny Cavalier Spaniel in a poofy, tulle skirt. I wasn’t sure if I was horrified or totally jealous.
  • Brandi is writing another book, and it will be about sex.  She recommends all men know the “two finger trick.” She also likes to be choked. I’m sure there will be plenty more goodies in her book. No pun intended.
  • People are still making references to Sex and the City.  Have we NOTHING r to reference yet?
  • Kim thinks Palm Springs is very spiritual, and brought along a vibrating toothbrush.
  • Carlton has a cross tattoo that says, “f**k you.” The meaning behind it is sweet, however. She’s saying that to her inner demons. So, yea. She’s still kind of a witch, though. (You know what I mean.)
  • Kim likes fresh juice, and she can’t stand when a hotel says the juice is fresh and it isn’t. So she brings a juicer with her, everywhere. Cause she’s not crazy, she’s just into juice, people! JUICE.
  • Yolanda did her master cleanse for the first time in Palm Springs, and Brandi joked it was the first place she’d done cocaine. But no, silly, that was San Fransisco.
  • I think it would be a fun SNL sketch to do “the real houses of Beverly Hills.” Get all catty about real estate, yeaaah! I’ve also secretly thought that ranch houses are kind of butch.
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I look forward to next week’s journey into the inner psyche of these housewives. Hope to see you then!

REACT: Do you think Carlton is cool, or kind of secretly awful? Is there any way that Jocelyn’s hair isn’t a weave? Were you equally jealous of Jocelyn’s pristine closet of couture? And HEY, will you read Brandi’s book? Did you read the first one? Are we missing out on something juicy?