Helicopters are inevitable on The Bachelorette, so you only look like an idiot when you pretend to be surprised by one.

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Photo: ABC

The Bachelorette Recap

This is an installment of Chick Chat – where two friends have a frank conversation about what they just watched.

Part I – DeAnna, Harrison’s Love, Prince Eric

Estella: Let’s do it.
Jessica: Ha! Whether I’m interested or not, Bachelor and Bachelorette seasons keep happening.
Estella: And you always come back.
Jessica: Damn right I do.

Jessica: So, isn’t it really obvious that Chris Harrison is totally into Andie?
Estella: Is he?
Jessica: Come on. That intro speech to the guys? About how she’s different, and one of the good ones, and AUGH. It was there. I’m not imagining this.
Estella: If you say so.

Estella: The Bachelorette salon chair confidential. Thoughts?
Jessica: DeAnna Pappas looked different. Better, even.
Estella: I have no clue who she is. But Suave seems kind of low rent for the show.
Jessica: She’s got the distinction of being one of the few people from these shows who ever actually got married. Zing.

Estella: The first date.
Estella: Our first of her season.
Jessica: I can’t get over how dumb that guy was about “WHAT, THAT HELICOPTER IS HERE FOR US? THIS IS UNHEARD OF.”
Estella: Sand to snow, though.
Jessica: Whatever. WHATEVER. They had good chemistry. I just can’t remember his name. But he seems like he has an actual life of his own, traveling around Africa and whatnot.
Estella: You really pay attention.
Jessica: Obvi. …ERIC. His name was Eric. Like Prince Eric in Ariel. I mean, The Little Mermaid.

Jessica: You know what? I think I would like Andi (or anyone) more if they exploited being the bachelor/bachelorette by doing all sorts of cool experiences and not even caring about love. (But then, in the end, obviously I’d want love to happen by accident. ALL THE BETTER.)
Estella: Don’t you think Andi picked snowboarding because she did want to do it, though?
Jessica: Probably. She might be given suggestions. I just want to see someone really work this system and outsmart them all.
Estella: Isn’t Andi still smart, though she’s looking for real love?

Jessica: Have you noticed how often Andie says “stop” and “shut up”?
Estella: It’s the most (only) annoying thing about her.
Jessica: She does seem to be really psyched about how she’s always making the guys, “really shocked!” Like, they’re prepared to be shocked and surprised…and, again, a helicopter SURPRISES NO ONE.

Part II – “The fine world of male exotic dancing.”

Jessica: For her first group date, Andi wore a blue hammock as a top.

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THE BACHELORETTE – “Episode 1002” the ABC Television Network. (ABC/Rick Rowell)

Jessica: They stripped down for charity.
Estella: For charity.
Jessica: Just for charity. Yup. Not because we’ve recently learned how welcoming the American audience has been to the Magic Mike movie franchise. (Well, it’s not a franchise yet, but they’re making a sequel, so…)

Jessica: “Hello, I’m Nick. And I’m an awesome stripping robot.”

Estella: Craig.
Jessica: SO EMBARRASSED FOR HIM. Even before he was drinking. He’s just…nope.
Estella: Marcus.
Jessica: Yes, please.
Estella: Josh?
Jessica: Attractive. Seems smart. I’m in.
Estella: Chris?
Jessica: A gentleman who wears a purple bow tie is okay with me.

Jessica: The old people were heavy-handed.
Estella: Totally unplanned, too.
Jessica: HAAAR.
Estella: Their advice about “how to know” was, “You just kind of know, you know?”
Jessica: Definitely. I feel illuminated. Seriously though, as cute as that staged couple was, if even a couple married for 55 years hasn’t cracked the code… you just know? That’s terrible advice for indecisive neurotics like myself! I NEVER KNOW WHAT I KNOW.

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Part III – Who was eliminated on The Bachelorette?

Staying: Ron, Dylan, JJ, Marquel, Andrew, Tasos, Josh, Cody, Nick V., Patrick, Brian, Brett, Bradley, Eric, Marcus, and Chris

Eliminated last night: Craig, Nick S., and Carl