Michael simply had to be eliminated because otherwise all of Bachelor Nation would be zonked out and sleeping through the next episode.

THE BACHELORETTE - "Episode 907" - Brooks gets his second individual date with Desiree and they drive to the top of a mountain, passing through the clouds. The couple share a romantic picnic and, later that night, in an attempt to figure out where their relationship stands, they play a game of metaphors to describe their feelings. What does Desiree learn from this revealing word play? - on "The Bachelorette," MONDAY, JULY 8 (8:00-10:01p.m., ET) on the ABC Television Network. (ABC/Angus Muir) BROOKS, DESIREE HARTSOCK

THE BACHELORETTE – “Episode 907” – MONDAY, JULY 8 (8:00-10:01p.m., ET) on the ABC Television Network. (ABC/Angus Muir)

Another Monday has passed, which means we had another two hours of The Bachelorette 2013. This time? This time it was a little bit painful. But why? I’ll tell you why… all the guys who are wacky or weird are gone now. And while there are a few great guys, a couple are so boring you could easily find yourself snoring while watching the date. (Hint: His name rhymes with Smychael.)


First, we need a destination! And this time it was Madeira Island in Portugal. Gorgeous. Just gorgeous. We all want to go there now, right? But who’s paying? …Yea, I thought so.

You know what’s perfect in Madeira? Everything. And, metaphors. There were no less than FIVE MILLION metaphors in this episode. …Things like, in the clouds, cloud nine, whatever.

Ladies Choice

For the most entertaining segment of the entire two hours, former bachelorette’s from Sean Lowe’s season returned. This included Jackie Parr, Lesley Murphy and …get ready for this, Catherine Giudici. That’s the Catherine that Sean picked over Desiree. You’d think it would be …uh, awkward? Instead, Catherine even had advice from Sean, for Desiree. (Something bland but sweet, like, “give her good advice.”) And as though this wasn’t entertaining enough on its own, the women were provided with binoculars as the mean were “released” from their cages…to roam in their “natural habitat”….all shirtless and in the pool. From there, the ladies discussed the best kisser, body types, and who likes to “do soccer.”

Des and Brooks

Brooks Forester had the first one-on-one date with Desiree. They showed us how much we wish we were in Madeira, by getting to sit…literally in the clouds, on a mountain.

As Desiree said she was falling for him, and that. “this is the fairytale that I signed up for,” Brooks wasn’t as sure.

He said, “I’m a little bit behind in my emotional process.” Ouch. By the end of the episode, the gap between them seemed even wider. Des said she’d reached the finish line and was in love with Brooks. Wow.

They talked about the stages between like and love…with Des saying the “adjectives” (verbs!) were skipping, jogging and finish line. (Or whatever!)

Des and Chris

Next up for a date was Chris Siegfried. They were on a yacht and somehow, of course, Chris ended up bringing poetry into it all. They co-wrote a (cheesy) poem and put it in a bottle. After thrown into the water, viewers can only believe that the bottle was quickly smashed against the high rocks by the turbulent waves. Sorry, Chris. Of course, later, Chris got all sweaty and weird when he wanted to confess his love to Desiree. And what better way to do it than in poem form? A very long, embarrassingly bad poem was read to Desiree. And she didn’t seem … as into it as he would have hoped. Her mind was still on Brooks!

Des and Michael

The third one-on-one date was with Michael Garafola, resident bad guy and prosecutor. This was a boring trainwreck. Snooze alert! And there was no chemistry.

Des and Zak, Des and Drew

Zak Waddell and Drew Kenney both go tot go Go-Karting as the first part of their date. Things progressed with a few one-on-one moments and then a dinner (where no one ever eats.)

Let’s wrap this up…rose ceremony!

Michael is the one who didn’t get a rose, and he had a very drawn out goodbye with Des. But it was, at least, classy. Zak, Chris, Brooks and Drew will all get hometown dates. I was on Twitter and it looks like only a few of you are fans of Zak, like me. (He’s fun!) Most are saying they think Drew is gay, and that Brooks isn’t into Des. So who does Bachelor Nation want? It seems like they want Chris! But does Des? Time will tell.

Bachelorette Cat

We had THREE cat spottings in this episode. And one of them was ginger! Did you spot the cats?

Be here next week on Small Screen Scoop to help continue this journey, and our cat watch!