“Lasting love requires bravery,” read the group date card. It also required a bucket of popcorn. The group got to go to a beautiful (seriously, beautiful) theater to see Disney Pixar’s movie Brave. I’ve already mentioned this, but how could this movie have possibly needed more promotion? Seriously. Disney Pixar, you’ve got it covered. Relax! We love what you do, and everyone will go to see this!
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It was also an ironic choice, because in the movie there’s a princess with three suitors. Instead, she rebuffs them all. Obviously, the premise of The Bachelorette isn’t about rebuffing all the suitors.
Also, it was a tragedy to have Emily watch this without her daughter, Ricki! If I was a Mom, I’d be freaking out, all, “I can’t watch this without my kid!”
Like in the movie, the men were going to compete in the Highland games (despite the fact that they were in Croatic, and not Scotland). And, of course, that had to be done while wearing a kilt. (Last week, some of them had to wear dresses. Why so much cross dressing, Bachelorette executives?) To get there, the men rode donkey’s. The scenery was stupid gorgeous. And the donkey’s seemed sweet. I’d have ignored all the men.
There were three activities, the first of which was archery. I’m kind of a pro at Wii archery, and I also did it once in real life. When I was fourteen. So, I’m basically amazing at it. And these guys were pretty okay. I would have done better, of course! The Kardashian’s should forget the tennis courts and just start archery!
Next up was tossing a giant log while trying not to pull your back. I was busy noticing that Jef’s hair didn’t all move much in the wind. What is that about, dude? Chris and Jef sucked at this tasked, but Arie and everyone else did well (in that they all managed to complete the task) Sean was so strong he broke the log. Emily was turned on.
The final task was kind of a tug of war…again, with a stick. (I forgot to mention that Emily sat on a chair that looked like a throne on hay bales. Crazy.) The arm muscles, they were a poppin’.
I felt bad for Chris because he … was the worst at all of these tasks. Not just bad, he stood out as the worst. Meanwhile, Sean won two of the tasks. But who won the entire deal? Emily decided to give some random mug of bravery to …Chris. She said he won because he had fun, and smiled. Way to play to the crowd.
Jef Holm, the botoxed soul, and Emily are funny together. In the way that makes you squint and go, “really?” Because, really? “What took you so dag gone long?” she asked him – because he’d taken forever to give her a kiss. And he replied that he was just scared and afraid of her. Just what every woman wants to hear! “Honey, you terrify me!” Yea, put that in the wedding vows.
“Can I tell you a secret? I’m freaking crazy about you,” Jef said like a very eloquent teenager. Engrave that on the wedding band. It’s poetic.
Chris said something about he was going to love Emily forever, and my mind immediately shifted to that Jessica Simpson music video where she wails, “I’m gonna love you forreeeeeever.” (She did that song with her ex, Nick Lachey. The irony should be lost on no one.) But, let’s get back in gear, because Chris also got the rose from the group date. Man. I think Emily respects him, and relates to him, because he’s also a parent. But their chemistry seems so watered down. (#JustPickArie!) Who doesn’t adore Arie Luyendyk jr?
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