The only thing you need to know about The Bachelor with Brad Womack (2.0 more robotic and fake than ever!) is that Michelle Money is one crazy, crazy villain. She reminds me of Cruella de Ville, and not because she bears any physical similarities. Would she skin Dalmatian puppies? Well, I’m pretty sure she’d skin the other girls left on the show. Every week she has a quote about sending ninjas or monkeys after them!

michelle the bachelor

In fact, in the latest episode, Michelle went as far as to sneak to Brad’s room in Costa Rica and tell her in what order she thinks he should send the girls home. Interestingly, she left Ashley H. in the final two. And Ashley H. is the second most crazy/annoying girl in the house. Michelle thinks Brad needs more crazy in his life.

Crazy Michelle Money Quotes on The Bachelor:

“If Brad is more interested in Chantal then I am not his girl. All I can do is be myself, be patient and hope that Chantal gets attacked by monkeys. Or apes.”

“I’m not saying this to be, like, a b*tch at all, but at the end of the day, I don’t see him with any of those girls. Jackie needs to go home. Alli needs to go home. They all need to go home, I don’t know what to say.” (But she’ll keep saying it. Over and over and over again.)

“I don’t want you to think I go run my mouth off to him about any of you, ‘cause I don’t.” (LIE DETECTOR ALERT.)

“Watching Brad take his shirt off makes you want to, like, go home and [bleeped out]. I don’t know how else to say it.”

“Jackie, bless her heart, is dramatic. I’m not trying to, like, discount how scary that is, but it was quite the production.” (Pot? Meet kettle.)

Other memorable Michelle Money Quotes:

“It’s my day. It’s my time to be with Brad, and all anyone has been able to talk about this whole morning is whatever happened with Ashley H. last night. I wasn’t there, but I’m so sick and tired of hearing about it all morning.” (Me me me me me.)

“For me, I just feel like she’s really aggressive and really overly confident and almost egotistical.” (Pot? Here’s the kettle again.)

“I am going to have Brad kiss my eye. And it will make it better.” (Psycho.)

“I definitely think there needs to be a closing scene of me just drop-kicking Shawntel.”

“There is a really good chance that if I don’t get a date this week, Brad might get his own black eye.” (Domestic violence is in their future.)

“When I kiss Brad, I’m going to give him, like, [a] sensual, sexy, slithery kiss. Fireworks are going to be going off in the back.” (She’s like a snake.)

“I would love if some of these ninjas would just kidnap some of these other girls. Throw a bag over their heads and take them off and just haul them to, like, the desert.”

“OK, listen, it’s like this: All you ladies need to pack your bags, get your plane tickets booked. Farewell. Goodbye. He is mine. He’s mine.”

“Soon enough it will be over and they will be gone and it will just be me an Brad in Tahiti, practicing making babies.” (Or there will be a restraining order out on you. Whatever.)