Sharleen and Juan Pablo haven’t had to talk that much, what with all the kissing. But when they do try to have a conversation? It’s downright painful. Read on to see why.

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Sharleen and Juan Pablo n their first …date? Well, their first meeting and mini date-like moment.

The Bachelor 2014 Recap – Sharleen Joynt and Juan Pablo in Miami

For the one-on-one date with Juan Pablo and Sharleen Joynt, they took off on a Yacht. Nothing wrong with that. What WAS wrong, is that Juan Pablo was wearing a braided anklet. (I guess if his daughter made it, it’s less dorky?)

“We don’t get each other, not completely.” – Sharleen Joynt

To be romantic, Juan Pablo tells Sharleen that she’s been uptight on several dates.

“Juan Pablo is not my typical type, but there’s no denying there’s chemistry there.” – Sharleen Joynt

These two would be good f$*k buddies. But they are not meant for marriage. Sharleen told the camera that she is only happy when she’s kissing him, and that she can’t stop that part. But when they’re not kissing, there are crickets. Juan Pablo would probably hop over, cook one, and tell her to eat it. And she’d roll her eyes and stick her tongue down his throat while thinking he’s stupid. Eh.

“Of all the people left at the house, she’s still the biggest mystery.” – Andi on Sharleen

“It makes me happy..which is something I don’t allow myself to feel very often.” – Sharleen Joynt, making me feel bad for her

As the date progressed from the beach to being back on the yacht, Sharleen was filled with fears about whether she wanted to keep going on this journey with Juan Pablo.

This is how the date goes…

Juan Pablo: Gives a compliment.
Sharleen: Eh?
Juan Pablo: Another compliment.
Sharleen: Smiles weakly, starts sucking his face.
And the two suck face for a while.

THAT IS HOW THEY ARE. And their kissing is WEIRD.

Luckily, Sharleen is smart enough to realize that a relationship without conversation isn’t going to be good for her. Especially as Juan Pablo says he thinks her words are proper and …that he likes them?

Because Juan Pablo is SO into having all the girls into him, when Sharleen is saying “I think I can do it?” he just smiles and thinks she’s saying she is super into him. Meanwhile, she’s actually saying she doesn’t feel into it.

“I wish I was a little dumber. (Note: Like you?!) It’d be so much nicer. Simple.” – Sharleen Joynt

Although we don’t see the segue to the end of the date, Sharleen arrives at home for a pow wow with housemother Renee. Sharleen confides how unsure she is about Juan Pablo. Unlike any other girl in the history of this show, Renee gives her selfless advice. Gasp.

“The decisions I have to make are not easy. I thought they would be easier.” – Sharleen Joynt

____

Later:

Sharleen came down to talk to the girls about how she had decided, after careful thought, to leave. I thought this was a really gracious thing she was doing, and she really did take her time to try and decide. (But how can anyone be ready to think they will marry someone after 7 weeks?) While other women would have just stayed on the show no matter what, Sharleen is, ultimately, too nice.

Oddly, Sharleen settled down, laying back against the couch to give this news to Juan Pablo. That seemed a bit odd to me. She told Juan Pablo that she just needed more time than the three weeks remaining to be ready to accept a propsal. And if Juan Pablo seemed as into Sharleen as he was with Nikki or Clare, this might have destroyed him and seen how awful this show can be, and maybe he even would have said he’d rather be with her – just dating, than engaged to any of the other girls. But that isn’t this show. This show is The Bachelor.

While Sharleen cried, Juan Pablo seemed …pretty composed. SHOW EMOTION PAST A GIGGLY FACADE, JUAN PABLO.

To her credit, Sharleen didn’t try to sway him about any of the girls. However…she WAS wearing silky pink formal shorts. Heh.

And to his credit, we saw Juan Pablo talk to the camera, and he was very emotional about Sharleen. So, he did care. (Aw.)

So, that’s how it ends for Sharleen and Juan Pablo. Are you surprised?

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