If you like watching women cry, this is a great episode for you.

And it was was a busy episode of The Bachelor 2012 tonight: with mega yachts (all the better for megashark to attack), controversial rule breaking, and some shocking eliminations. Courtney was cemented as the villain, as she was edited in with a catty remark for just about everything that happened. The girl’s got opinions. And not particularly nice ones.

The first one-on-one date that Ben Flajnik went on in Puerto Rico was with Nicki. She’s sweet, and a little forgettable only because she’s not crazy. But that’s a good thing in a wife.

Then, a date card arrived about saying “diamonds are a girls best friend.” The girls thought there might be jewelry involved, but it was actually a diamond of the baseball variety.

Lindzi was selected by Ben himself (a huge honor, guys!) to play on each Baseball team during a group date, meaning whichever team won Lindzi would be part of the group date later that night. The game was super competitive, and you knew that was true because the girls all put those black lines under their eyes. Grr! Srz biznuss. Of course, catty remarks were still allowed:

“Blakely is like a champion out there. Who knew that strippers could play baseball?” – Courtney

Hey, it’s called being a cocktail waitress!

The red team won. (Courtney, Kacie B., Rachel) Blue lost. (Blakely, Jennifer, Emily)

When a helicopter arrived to pick the girls up, Blakely said, “I hope you girls throw up.” She, she was a little annoyed. And sweaty.

Jennifer talked about the time with Ben was precious, and was near tears. No, correction, there were tears.

Courtney said, “Winning is awesome. …Rub some dirt in it. Walk it off.”

Kacie B. won the rose on the group date. Courtney said that Kacie reminded her about a little girl, and Ben needed a woman. It’s also worth mentioning that she said she was only threatened by Kacie. After the rose was delivered, Courtney walked the beach with Ben. Alone. They kissed. She had sideboob. She mentioned skinny dipping. “Maybe we can orchestrate something,” she hinted.

Elyse got the second one-on-one date, and it was to take place on a mega-yacht. Do you think Courtney was happy about that? No. But she wasn’t bothered, because Elyse was no competition. Still, she could be handy because, “I could use a personal trainer,” Courtney noted.

Elyse talked about how seriously she was taking the process. She also suggested they “screw everyone else” and just get married right there. Instead of taking vows, Ben suggested they jump off the side of the yacht.

Elyse had previously seemed kind of snotty, and even though she is the type of woman who wears a leopard bikini she didn’t come across completely unlikeable. But Ben failed to give her a rose. He didn’t feel it, and he felt stronger connections with other women he’d already given a chance to. He said he didn’t have enough time, blah blah. She was sad. She had even been wearing white to remind him how very bridal she could be. “I just don’t know what I did wrong,” she said between sobs.

He was in a tux, and he said she was incredible. (Just dig that knife in a little deeper, Ben.) She walked into the water by herself, and that was it. She drowned! No, she got on a boat. AND VOWED REVENGE. No, she just cried more. In all honesty, it was pretty unfair that Elyse was screwed over only because she hadn’t gotten a one-on-one date yet. In case you didn’t know that this was sad, a David Gray song played as we watched her cry and Ben walk on the beach with the rose in his hand.  Then he threw the rose into the ocean. That wasn’t scripted at ALL.

The women at the house were shocked when someone came to take Elyse’ bags. Courtney said, “I’m actually pleasantly surprised.” She also said “Maybe she drank too much and the Jersey Shore came out.” Her cavalier nature about Elyse being kicked off made all the other women upset. So Courtney decided to take a walk and surprise Ben so they could make good on the skinny dipping promise.

“I hope I’m a sight for sore eyes, because after the date with Elyse his eyes are probably sore.” (She said something like that.)

Ben decided to take her up on that offer, even though it was kind of breaking the rules. They went completely nude into the ocean, while none of the other girls knew what was going on.

“I think I’m winning.” – Courtney

Emily brought up Courtney again, and Ben got offended.

LET’S DO THE ROSE CEREMONY.

Lindzi got the first rose. Courtney looked pissed. Jamie got the second rose. Blakely wanted to murder someone. Emily looked forlorn. Rachel got the third rose, reminding us she has a very manly voice that sounds like JWOWW’s from Jersey Shore. Making that two Jersey Shore references tonight! Courtney got the next rose, and she didn’t hide her gloating. Casey S. Blaklely. FINAL ROSE: Emily

Bye to Jennifer. She was wearing a really unfortunate maxi dress that made her look short and pregnant. She told Ben she just wanted him to find happiness. Oh, brave faced girl. She was pretty emotional when she was in the car. And looked a little bit like Amber Tamblyn for a moment. Suddenly I really wanted her to be safe.She just kept crying and talking.

Why is America’s idea of entertainment watching people cry? If you added up all the minutes that we just saw women crying in these two hours, it would be like ten minutes.

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