THE BACHELOR 2011: Animal Riding 101

Last night on The Bachelor 2011 with Brad Womack, he said goodbye to Ashley. It was sad. He cried. She cried. We all cried.

You guys, Brad Womack has decisions to make. Important ones. Ones that will affect his life. And he just hopes that going to exotic South America will help him figure things out. Well, whenever I can’t decide things I always watch The Lion King…wait, no I don’t. South Africa is cool, but pointless when deciding who to marry.

After telling us he’s terrified of being alone, he almost sounds threatening when he says, “One of these women is going to be my wife.”

Chantal and Brad: He wore a safari hat. She wore hoop earrings. They saw animals. Now that I know how prissy she is, I have trouble with her. Especially when she sounds like she’s quoting an Oprah book pick. “I want unselfish love,” she explained in a whiney-tinged voice. What’s important is that they got a key to the fantasy suite to spend the night together. Chantal was all about that. “What happens in the fantasy suite stays in the fantasy suite,” she told the camera. But Brad let her know their suite was a tree house.  She’d mentioned she wants to be off camera with him, and seemed  annoyed that it was all in the open.  Her libido died.

Darkness set. The camera panned away. We heard Chantal giggle. We see an image of a lion roaring.

Subtle.

ABC cut to commercial to remind us how Millionaires are going undercover. Gasp.

Brad and Emily:  “Shut up,” she said as Brad appeared riding an elephant. He was riding while sitting behind a trainer, so it was not as manly as you’d think.

All I could think was how Brad and Emily went to her home and saw her daughter, and then has pulled her away again. When Ricky (the daughter)  grows up she’s going to watch this and call bullshit.

When the fantasy card arrived, Emily wanted to go slow and not be a slut. She said she’d like to go but just talk. Yea, every girl says that.

Ashley and Brad: He wanted her to ride in a helicopter, and thats’ one of the things that freaks her out. Brad assured her, though. “Do you know how many times I’ve rode in one of these things?” Subtext: I’m awesome, I only go by helicopter these days.

Although they weren’t clicking, Ashley accepted the fantasy suite key.

Brad had an awkward date with both Emily and Ashley. His first reaction was to say bye to Ashley. He took her aside to talk to her. He wasn’t sure if he fit into her life. He was trying to talk to her, but she thought he was saying goodbye. So then he was forced to do it. He was nice enough to do it in private and not do a rose ceremony. Ashley didn’t fight for herself, but one he said it was over she started to. It was kind of sad. Brad started to show emotion. He should have kept her – I think, at least.

Next week: Emily and Chantal travel to Capetown to see the Womack clan.

Visit Small Screen Scoop daily or else Brad might marry …uh, an elephant.