For our fifth love-seeking episodic adventure with Brad Womack 2.0 everyone on The Bachelor went to Las Vegas. There was some clever editing by having Womack talk about what a great place Vegas is to get to know “the women” (he always calls them that, never “the gang” or “the ladies”) and then we hear a voiceover of Michelle talking about how they’re going to Sin City.

2011 the bachelorHere’s the truth everyone over age 15 knows: Vegas is great for single people. We know that. But it’s probably less great when you are trying extra hard to prove that you’re a gentleman.

Pretty much everything they did in Vegas they could have done where they already were. Without being able to have random hook-up’s, gamble, get married on a whim or drink obsessivley, Vegas has very little going for it.

This is a recap of The Bachelor 2011 episode 5. If this isn’t the recap you’re looking for, please click here.

Shawntel got the one on one date, and despite the unfortunate spelling of her name, she’s adorable. An adorable funeral director, in fact. Her date involved a shopping spree (to places like FENDI) and then dinner and fireworks on the roof. Not only did she win Brad over, but she won me over. Why can’t we vote on who he has to marry? I’m obviously much smarter than Womack, and clearly more invested!

The producers know Emily’s backstory with NASCAR  (her deceased fiancee was a race car driver, a fact I’m certain the people behind the show were intent on exploiting), yet still planned a large group date at the track. The same track Emily’s ex raced on. This meant that she struggled being there, and Brad gave her extra special attention. What did that mean for the show? So.Much.Drama! The other girls were so upset, but in a passive aggressive way where they made angry eyes and bitchy comments while downing wine as often as they could. All through the rest of the show we’d hear girls  referring to how “everyone else on that group date felt like they were watching The Emily Date” and Ali earned a boatload of negative points by saying, “We all have problems. We all have issues. Just because somebody comes in with the worst story means they get the most attention?” …Wow.

Brad gave Emily the rose from that group date, but I don’t think Brad feels a big spark with her. Emily is an incredibly sweet girl, but lacks an ounce of interest. Put it this way: Michelle is operating at the decibel of 10, and Emily operates at a 2. And while Emily played a good damsel in distress, Michelle was the one woman to really take charge last night. I’m pretty sure she packed handcuffs.

the bachelor 2011Chantal O. had seemed normal up until now, but last night she started getting an attitude. Brad was scared by the way she gets dramatic all the time. Oh, those women, always crying and insulting others. The women are almost all toxic to themselves. They get insecure and start going crazy if they don’t get constant reassurance from Brad. Chantal accidentally used the “L” word with him, but Brad was not willing to let her gloss over it. It seems like he hasn’t fallen for her as strongly as she has for him.

Ashley S. and Ashley H. (alleged best friends in the house, presumably because they share the same name) were on the scary two-on-one date. While most guys might relish the idea of a threesome, on this date Brad knew he had to send one woman home. The trio went to the Elvis Cirque du Soleil show (“Viva Elvis”), which looks amazing and why don’t I ever get to go to cool places? Ugh. Anyway!

I was oping Ashley S. (the less crazy one, with straighter hair and a constant pout) would be saved, but she was the one sent home. Brad had the nerve to ease her pain by saying, “I think you’ll make an extraordinary wife. I just don’t think you’ll make an extraordinary wife for me.” Ouch! Why doesn’t anyone ever slap him anymore?

Michelle continued her string of crazy quoteables. But by far her best crazy moment was when she pulled Brad into a locked room, sat on his lap and got all Dominatrix on him by not letting him talk at all. She kissed him and told him how it was time to send other girls home. Way to be a control freak. (Seriously, she might be using a mind control method.)  In fact, her controlling ways worked and she got the first flower in the rose ceremony. Brad has a therapist that the show goes to great lengths to remind us about, and still no one is warning him about how crazy this woman is? That seems irresponsible.

Of course, a reality show about cannibalism might seem to have more humanity than a show like The Bachelor where everyone ends up heartbroken and showing the world their crazy faces.

Eliminated: Lisa and Marissa (plus Ashley S. from earlier.)

This has been a recap of The Bachelor 2011 episode 5.