I hope you weren’t thinking that Michelle would stop being a complaining whiner on The Bachelor. But she’s stepping up her game. She woke up with a black eye. She didn’t say anyone in particular gave it to her, just that she woke up with it and maybe it was from stress. Which is ironic, since she’s the one stressing most people out.

This is a recap of The Bachelor 2011 episode 4. If this isn’t the recap you’re looking for, please click here.

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Do you think it’s possible Michelle is the author of this Yahoo question post asking how to give herself a black eye purposefully? Hey, all you need is a blunt object!

How do you accidentally get a black eye? Maybe if you have sinus problems, or from sleeping with your hand wedged against your eye?

Let me tell you guys a makeup tip, Michelle did not bother to cover it up at all with makeup. Seems she wants to milk it.

Chantal O. got the first single date. Michelle said that because Chantal is so different from her, she’d be surprised if Chantal got a rose. Why? Because Brad can only love girls like Michelle, duh.

Michelle told the camera, “There is a really good chance that if I don’t get my own date this week, Brad might get his own black eye.”

The date with Chantal involved amateur scuba diving. Chantal was scared, but said, “I did it, because he’s worth it.” Is Brad Womack going to work with L’Oreal soon?

Warming up to the date, she said “I think that I could be Chantal Womack, definitely.” She’s recently divorced, so rushing back into marriage seems, y ‘know, tacky. Some women (and men) are only happy when they’re with someone. (Based on how long ago she got divorced.)

Are we done talking about Michelle? No. Because it’s raining, and Michelle has a black eye. She tearfully confessed to another girl how hard she’s having it at the house, not being able to sleep or eat or stop talking about how great she is.

Back on the date with Chantal, she apologized to Brad for slapping him when she first met him. Brad said he loves her playfulness. It’s the first step to spousal abuse, but whatever. Brad gave Chantal the rose she wanted.

Brad is big into therapy now, so he took them all to see Dr. Drew. When it came time to admit who has cheated, Stacey admitted that she had. Rather than being upset, Brad was just glad for the honesty. Not exactly sensational TV. The promos made it seem like a big deal.

Then it was time for a group pow-wow. Every woman had intensified feelings about trying to get to know Brad. The “can I steal you for two seconds” game began. The women all then tried to steal him away from the other. This led to the women in the hot tub bitching to each other about not getting enough time.

Brad and Britt, the sweet blonde girl with tacky silver heart hoop earrings, were kissing and Ashley H. came upon them and looked like a creepy, jealous murderer in the background. Brad didn’t want to give Ashley a chance to really feel insecure, so he was going to give her a rose. But then in the hot tub, Ashley said something with negative attitude and he decided to steal Britt away for a moment and give her the rose. Thank God.

The second one on on date went to Michelle. But Ashley H. had to talk to Brad before the date could start. Michelle was pissed and she and Chantal O. fought. Michelle was taken to Brad’s actual house. Which is huge. But then the pair got into a helicopter. It was time to jump off of buildings. Yay. But Michelle was freaking out because she’s afraid of heights.She did find a way to make it a metaphor about falling in love. Predictable.

Brad told Michelle he wanted to meet her daughter, Brielle. Take a moment. Yup, this woman is in charge of a young daughter.

Later, Brad took Emily out on a mini date of a picnic. This made Chantal O. start crying, and everyone else feeling pissed off. Brad had to become a therapist for lots of girls in this episode. They all wanted to be reassured that THEIR connection was really, truly special. He reaffirmed it was true for them all. When Chantal came to him crying (interrupting another moment with another girl), he said he loved that she wasn’t needy. Cue a laugh track.

Ashley H. got the last rose.

Eliminated: Meghan, Stacey, Lindsay

This has been a recap of The Bachelor 2011 episode 4.