‘Tamra’s OC Wedding’ Recap – This is not the Country Bear Jamboree

Dysfunction…thy name is… Tamra’s redneck family!

Tamra’s OC Wedding – Live Blog Recap

Wedding planner Diann Valentine asks Tamra about music, because she wants all those harps flanking her as she goes down the aisle. The harpists are very crucial. Maybe ten or eighteen? Just get them there.

Tamra says she isn’t a details person, meanwhile she’s perfectly matched hetr hot pink shirt to her hot pink heels.

“I’m not much of an eater.” – Tamra

She wants a swinging cake. No big. In the meantime, it’s time to find Bridesmaid dresses. Off-the-rack is crucial, because of the cost. The girls don’t all have to be in the same dress… they also don’t have to wear underwear, says Tamra. Good to know, but Heather Dubrow doesn’t go commando for anyone!

Eddie (Judge) wanted Tamra to learn the Cha-Cha for their wedding. Cue…a dance class! Tamra has cute dance shoes, and her side braid with long dangling earrings is amazingly cute with her off-the-shoulder black top and skirt… but she has attitude about the dance. “Can we do it without turning?!” It’s an overwhelming process, so who can blame her for feeling frustrated at having to fit in these dance classes into her wedding prep? Ain’t nobody got time for that sh#t.

Tamra has invited Alexis to her wedding. But Gretchen is a question mark. Heather is a sure bet. But let’s talk about that for a second. Why Heather, are they really so close? Or is it because that’s the only housewife that has it pulled together and that Tamra doesn’t fight with?

When the bridesmaids dresses in the window at the store appear, Tamra is pissed. “I feel like I’m in Tijuana!” Also, “Not acceptable!” Yikes. “It is a sh#thole!” As Tamra goes insane, Heather explains that she will, “never be a wedding planner.”

With two weeks until the wedding, these dresses need to be found!

Finally, Eddie and Tamra get together so they can have a menu tasting. “Eddi’s the foodie,” explains Tamra.

One of the people insults Tamra to he face, saying she looks starving. But Tamra apparently takes it as nothing but a compliment.

“He moans when he likes things.” – Tamra, about Eddie’s eating

The French chef confuses Tamra with his accent, but she understands “vodka.”

There was some amazing fish and even beef short ribs served up that made me really sad I had a gross sandwich as my dinner.

“I swore he said this was black c#*k.” – Tamra, about Black Cod. Later, Eddie says if he was in charge he’d order Pizza Hut for the wedding. Endorsement!

Gretchen hasn’t RSVP’d yet. But who cares, Eddie is PISSED that Alexis and Jim have been invited to the wedding. He wants Tamra to uninvite them. When Tamra calls up wedding planner, Dianne, she is surprised to hear that Dianne hasn’t really delt with this level of BS before. By the laughter in Diann s voice, it seems like she can’t honestly believe these are adults.

Time for the meeting of the two families! They had not had their sets of parents meet yet. One family set is crazy, the other is conservative.

Brother, Kenny, is …unpleasant. And this is where things get messy… The Barney’s have brought moonshine. Kenny says he’d put the tattoo of “sucker” on Eddie for marrying Tamra. And Tamra thinks she’s in a party full of hillbillies. “This is a family dinner, not the Country Bear Jamboree.” Next, she’s compared to an old Jaguar (damaged goods) and Eddie laughs at it. In fact, Eddie kind of picks on Tamra the entire night.

“They’re always so mean. That’s why none of them are in the wedding.” – Tamra, about her family

Brother Kenny decides to call Tamra a dick, and say he has anger issues towards her because she deserves the anger. “You f#@king spawned that thing,” Kenny says to their Dad.

Tamra explains that Kenny one tried to hit her with an axe. So, that’s intense. That’s like out of that movie with the creepy twins and the door with Red Rum. I don’t have many details on this movie as I refuse to watch something THAT scary. (Which his why I can’t watch America’s Horror Story anymore.)

It’s an emotional time, and Mom, Dad, and Kenny all gang up on Tamra. Why would they do this to her at all, let alone before her wedding? Worst nightmare. Tamra’s Mother and Tamra’s brother are definitely awful. I’m not sure about Tamra’s Dad.

I see Tamra as trying to change for the better, while her parents are stuck defending the past.

Tamra bonds with her Father, while Eddie isn’t going to help her at all…just being quiet and listening to the family rag on her more. Geez!

“It’s family. It is what it is.” – Eddie

Because she’s sweet sometimes, Tamra is learning how to say part of her vows in Spanish. Why? Because Eddie’s Grandmother only speaks Spanish. This really is heartwarming.

Gretchen and Tamra wear cute black and pink (coordinated?) yoga outfits to walk dogs.  And Gretchen’s hair is perfect, which makes me feel so crazy envious. My hair refuses to do that.

“I just didn’t want any drama at the engagement thing…”- Gretchen

During the bonding, Tamra’s dog almost gets skunked. METAPHOR, FORESHADOWING? IDK.

Because Tamra can’t be bothered to go into an actual store for dress shopping, Diann brings the dresses to her. And I have to admit the blush pink colors are gorgeous, especially with Chanel pearls. Or any Chanel.

Vicki and Diann tell Tamra she should have a pre-nup, but she ain’t having it.

“You get what you get, and you dont’ throw a fit.” – Tamra, about bridesmaid dresses

“Shit happens, Tamra.” – Vicki

“I believe in pre-nups.” – Diann Valentine

Stick with Small Screen Scoop, TV Blog for more on Tamra’s OC Wedding on Bravo.