Sheldon Cooper of The Big Bang Theory has many rules to give unto plebeians such as myself. Between his firm decisions on the ranking of cool modes of transportation and unwavering disposition about what his seat is – there’s a lot of ground to cover.

Sheldon Cooper Rules (for others and himself):

Don’t steal Sheldon’s seat, which is always the same spot. In the winter that seat is close enough to the radiator to remain warm, and yet not so close as to cause perspiration. In the summer it’s directly in the path of a cross breeze created by opening windows. And it faces the TV at an angle that is neither direct (thus discouraging conversation) nor so far wide as to create a parallax distortion.

Soup should be chicken with the little stars, heated to 180 degrees.

Do not buy generic ketchup, forget to rinse the sink,  change the contrast/brightness settings on the TV, take a Band-Aid off in front of him, talk to him through the bathroom door, pronounce the T in “often” or make fun of trains.

An autograph on a restraining order still counts as an autograph. And you should frame it.

The appropriate ranking of cool modes of transportation: jet pack, hoover board, transporter, bat mobile, and then giant ant.

Bedtime is 9 p.m. or 10 p.m.

When a guest is sad, you bring them a hot beverage.

Sheldon never eats in strange restaurants, as one runs the risk of non-standard cutlery. (A three tined fork is just insulting. It’s not a fork but a trident.)

If your friend sneezes, he better have a doctors note if he plans to sit with you.

Sheldon never kids about safety.

Every Wednesday is New Comic Book Day.

Sheldon showers twice a day and washes his hands often.

The Friendship Rider in Appendix C Future Commitments No. 37 In the event one friend is ever invited to visit the large super collider (now under construction in Switzerland, he must invite the other friend.

Also noted in the Friendship Agreement: a Zombie-bite contingency (you cannot kill the other even if they’ve turned), if one wins a McCarther Grant, or one gets super powers. Sheldon agrees to: Ask how Leonard is once a day though he doesn’t care. No spontaneous Bio Hazard drills after 10 p.m. No tube and throat singing. (For more see: THE BIG BANG THEORY Roommate Agreement)

Laundry is done on Saturday night at 8:15 p.m. He folds his clothing with a FlipFold, and never rolls his socks together.

Knock thrice, say a person’s name, and repeat this twice. That’s how to knock on a door.

You are allowed up to three strikes while being Sheldon’s friend. If you get three strikes you have to take his class – which is also offered online.

Sheldon wakes himself up at 6:15 every Saturday morning, then pours himself a bowl of cereal, adds exactly 1/4 cup of 2% milk, turns on BBC America and watches Doctor Who. (All in his spot, of course.)

Sheldon would never live in a city whose streets are laid out in a wheel and spoke pattern, like Washington D.C.

After being humorous, Sheldon will say “Bazinga.”

Chicken should be diced not shredded. Chinese food should come with low sodium soy sauce and spicy hot mustard, as well as extra brown rice instead of white rice.

Approved forms of food: High fiber cereal (sorted by fiber content), Red Vines, Icees, oatmeal, The Cheesecake Factory hamburger, chicken satay, mee krab, and the hamburger at Big Boy.

Monday morning is oatmeal for breakfast.

On Monday nights he eats Thai food – mee krob and chicken satay with extra peanut sauce from Siam Palace.

Sheldon eats at the Cheesecake Factory on Tuesday nights.

Thursday night is pizza night. Sheldon gets Giacomo’s pizza with sausage, mushrooms and light olives.

Sheldon drinks diet coke (and sometimes herbal tea), never coffee or alcohol.

A movie experience must include Red Vines (not Twizzlers) and Icees (not Slurpees.) Additionally, he will only go to the movies if someone comes with him, so that they can perform the Hemlich Manuever.

Sheldon consumes hot chocolate only in the months that contain the letter “R” (January, February, March, April, September, October, November, December,)

If someone will be staying at his apartment for a while, expect there to be bloodwork taken.

A temporary house guest must give Sheldon power of attorney.

He cannot authorize someone to sleep in Leonard’s bed. Use the couch.

For someone to stay over, they have to be led through the safety procedures. Which knowing about the three emergency exits in the apartment (which have luminous paint arrows to guide you, in the event of a power outage.) You will also have to take a refresher course in CPR and participate in an emergency fire drill.

The Neosporin and band aids in his pocket are for him only. You can use the ones in the bathroom or top desk drawer.

To get along with Sheldon Cooper, Don’t:

… Question him if he’s engaging the superior caliculus of his brain.

… Ask why he took your peas, they’re electrons. But don’t offer him corn.

… Expect him to take the bus, they don’t let you strap yourself in with your own bungee cord.

… Ask him to get a massage, as it’s too much unnecessary touching.

What  “The Big Bang Theory” rules would you add?

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