Shaq (of all people) has a new TV series on ABC called Shaq VS. As far as TV titles go, it’s not good. And as far as enjoyable, mindless TV goes? It fails.

In this series, he gets all cocky and challenges people at their known profession – saying he can beat them. It goes something like this: “Oh, you think you’re the fastest man in America just becuase the Olympics say so? Haha. I will beat you. Race me!”

In last’s night’s episode Shaq challenged the fastest man in America, Tyson Gay, and celebrity chef, Rachael Ray. I focused on the cooking part since I’m always looking for tricks on what to cook besides pasta (whole wheat pasta is gross, fyi.) You would not believe how much of a jerk Shaq is in this show, and how well Ray put up with him. Seriously, they must have given her a mild sedative to keep smiling as they taped the segments.

For preparing to make a burger, Ray took Shaq shopping. He acted dumb, calling red peppers tomatoes and artichokes pineapples. To top it off, the kind of cheese he wanted was “yellow”. When Ray tried to explain he could make any kind of burger he wanted – turkey, beef or even Swordfish, he kept mocking her. Then he ushered her out of the store and told the camera how he was psyching Ray out, listening to what she said but not letting her know he was taking her ideas. Classy.

Rachael Ray’s husband came out to tell Shaq some tips: make the middle of the burger thinner than out outside, make sure the pan is smoking hot, and don’t press the burger to have juices come out of it. Shaq also used tips from her book. Basically, he was willing to cheat in any way he could. That’s sportsmanship.

Then, Shaq couldn’t even form his burger, so Ray basically did his first one for him. And then the rest of his burgers fell apart while he cooked them. Because even I know that’s what happens if you don’t form the meat properly.

“I’m out to prove that I can compete beyond athletics,” says O’Neal. “I’ve spent all year sharpening my skills and I want to win. There’s no challenge bigger than me.” Except, apparently, a lot of things.

He makes a joke out of himself in this TV series. Do not bother watching this sorry excuse for TV. While I had thought it’d be a silly, fun reality TV show to watch, it ended up just severely annoying me.

P.S. And as if you couldn’t guess, Rachael Ray won with 4 votes to her burger out of 5. When Shaq lost, he had to do the dishes. And then he claimed, “I can do dishes better than anyone.” As soon as the camera’s were off, I bet he relinquished that title.

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