We need Diamond Water to perform an exorcism on Mike!

mike shouhed

Shah’s of Sunset Recap – Season 3, Episode 9

MJ has had some “lonely nights” and wants her sex tapes back. After waiting two minutes

Mike meets up with an old friend. When he asks “what’s up with the girls,” his friend replies, “pure ass.” Their office has a piano, and the assistants wear strictly black and white. Many employees (fish) reside in the office.

Asa goes to visit someone named Sunny (event planner), and the event warehouse looks really cool and I want to go there and plan events all day. But no gold apples for my party. An “empire of fires” could work, though. Asa’s theme? “Post Modern 1,0001 Nights.” And she needs an ice sculpture of her diamond water bottle. I’ve decided I no longer care how crazy she seems, she’s a Priestess and she’s the nicest of this bunch. Plus, her style is actually good!

Asa explains how she left Iran as a political refugee, so she can never go back. So, she’s trying to get her aunts and cousins to get visa’s in Turkey and come visit her. Diamond Water can settle for no less.

MJ meets with Leila to shop for a new place to live. Naturally, talk goes to how MJ hates GG and has blocked her on Twitter and so forth. Very dramatic! Trying to turn a sister against a sister is not only low, it’s dangerous territory. They’re blood, you’re not. But once MJ sees she hasn’t lost Leila, she suddenly says she’s going to find a house over Leila’s budget and negotiate them down, boom. THAT’S NOT MANIPULATIVE AT ALL.

Mike’s girlfriend, Jessica, is cooking Shabbat dinner. She’s not Persian, so that’s a tough thing. I honestly don’t even know all the specific foods that are included in that dinner. It’s a sweet way for Jessica to prove herself, and for trying to honor Mike’s parents. At the same time, I am not a fan of any religion that makes someone convert to it just because they marry someone who’s of that religion already. When Charlotte converted on ‘Sex and the City’ I was pretty annoyed. I think it should be more of a choice than it is.

Mike talks about how expensive engagement rings are, but his Mother says he has to do it. So, everything is on track for plan: ENGAGEMENT. And while they say Jessica doesn’t know, she totally does.

GG goes on a date with the guy (Shayan) she hooked up with at Lilly’s party. He pumps his pecs on the date, so we know GG’s impressed. But he doesn’t want to settle down until he’s 33, but GG is turning that age next year. And she’s “desperately looking for a husband.” Still, she’s okay with posing him around at parties and sleeping with him a little.

It’s time for the Diamond Water launch! Asa’s got her ice sculpture, and she’s wearing a gorgeous minty dress with lace applique. The Diamond Water bottles are fun, though kind of big. You just know that Lilly is going to complain that it’s too heavy for her to hold.

MJ and Leila go to the party together, but GG goes with Shayan and hopes it’ll piss MJ off…which you KNOW it will. LA Toya Jackson is a celebrity friend of Asa’s that attends the party. There’s a diamond water signature cocktail, and everything. But if Diamond Water is going to make you feel happy and loved, isn’t the inclusion of alcohol doing that already? These people will never believe in the TRUTH about diamond water! It’s like, hello, the diamonds in the water are really doing stuff! (I actually do think the ORIGIN of the idea had merit, in truth.

Asa actually is working the party, introducing investors to tastemakers, and really being a proper hostess. She’s one of the only ones on the show who is showing us a work ethic!

You can see GG trying to use Shayan as a sounding board as she freaks out about Leila coming with MJ, and he wants no part of it. Good luck, dude.

Don’t worry, guys: Reza thinks Shayan’s teeth are bad. He’s young, 21, and MJ grills him a bit. GG gets pissed, etc etc.

MJ uses a sea otter voice to make fun of Lilly…but she sounds like Mira Sorvino. Hey, what’s Mira been up to for a while?

Mike doesn’t want any diamond water he wants a vodka redbull. He also wants to mess around with Reza. Hes already drunk. This turms him angry, emotional, and like a raging bull.

The DJ plays, Lilly kisses everyone’s behind, and the golden apples are properly arranged in a bowl. LET THE PARTY CONTINUE.

Reza gets on the mic to insult Mike’s shoes, because that’s how you do it.

MJ says that drunk Mike needs WATER. But she doesn’t specify that it should have diamonds in it, omg. IT’S THE POINT OF THE PARTY.

So, Mike and Reza have a pointless argument at the party. Roar vs Roar. Ugh vs Ugh. WHAAAAA vs WHAAAAA. Trader! vs Trader! The whole time, I think Asa should splash her holy Diamond Water on them for an exorcism.

Everyone is invited to Turkey, by Asa, but no one cares enough. I thought her family was coming to LA, but apparently I was too distracted by eating my apple to follow that plotline.


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