In this episode, we bought caviar from a vending machine – in the valley!

SHAHS OF SUNSET -- Season:3 -- Pictured: Mike Shouhed -- (Photo by: Andrew Eccles/Bravo)

SHAHS OF SUNSET — Season:3 — Pictured: Mike Shouhed — (Photo by: Andrew Eccles/Bravo)

Shahs of Sunset Recap “Caught in a Bad Bro-Mance”

In this episode, I was inspired to do tai chi, and I confirmed all suspicions that I’d never buy caviar. The price is astronomical!

GG and Asha went barefoot in a grassy knoll (well, a park, wtf is a knoll?) and did tai chi. And it hit me that, hey, I could do tai chi! It’s like being a slow-motion Buffy.

Reza apologizes to sassy Sasha in an awkward “maybe we’ll be friends later for plot reasons” kind of way. Then, he hit up a mall in the valley (I know that’s a tacky place because Cher in Clueless said that) and found caviar for 3k from a vending machine. (Reza + Caviar = funny.) Then, it was time for a house warming party. …We weren’t invited. And neither were Mike, Lily or GG, because they’re not mature enough. I’ve gotta agree, although I’d say that MJ is a firestarter, too.

Mike, meanwhile, is thinking about money. He wants more of it. Like, MOAR, more. He wants to put a giant ring on his bride’s finger not to make her happy, but because it tells other people how much money he has, and that he owns her. So, to summarize: Mike is still sexist and gross.

MJ did real estate stuff. This involved moving around cushions, and she got all sweaty (in her neon yellow skirt). GG was also sweaty in the hot seat…

)GG fidgeted during a dinner, then gave the world’s longest build-up to outing herself as a dirty kissing skank. Actually, she started feigning that she “forgot” if she kissed the guy, just that he kissed her. And then we get the reveal that he texts her EVERY DAY, and that she does text back. When the boyfriend asked to see the texts to prove how innocent it is, she said he wouldn’t read it in the right context…meaning she gets flirty. So, he broke up with her and she gets all shocked. Kissing someone else while you’re broken up isn’t even SO bad, but lying about it for a long time and playing your dude as a fool…that’s a betrayal on another level.

Shahs of Sunset Quotes (Because they be saying nuuuuutty things!)

REACT: Can you even remember why Mike and Reza are fighting? (I sure as hell don’t.)