In case you were curious, there was plenty of cat-fighting in the latest episode of RHONY. I mean, in case you thought something had changed different from every other episode that ever was or ever will be. I AM JUST HERE TO KEEP YOU INFORMED.

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Photo: Bravo, That vile taste in your mouth from watching this episode when you haven’t had a glass of wine? Totally courtesy of those housewives.

Real Housewives of New York Recap

Avery only drives BMW’s, poor her

What we learned is that Avery is a pretty major snob. (Or did you already know that? I don’t know.) She didn’t want to take her driving test in a Toyota because all she’s ever driven was a BMW. And she proceeded to namedrop “BMW” a few thousand more times, just in case we didn’t hear her the first time(s.) They made a big deal out of her parallel parking without the BMW’s helpful navigation cheat, even though she had a ton of space to do it and it should have hardly counted. (What? I’m allowed to be annoyed!) THEN, she decided to go dorm room shopping with her Mother, and she casually picks out things like $500 Missoni pillows. GO TO TARGET. Gracious Home should not be selling pillows worth that much unless they are robotic pillows that move around on the couch based on where I want them through like, mental mind control powers. Only then am I forking over that much for a throw pillow. (And don’t get me wrong, I LOVE a good throw pillow. But I also know that you can get pretty ones just about anywhere. Like Marshall’s, dude. Cynthia Rowley cutsie pillows!)

Sonja arrive late to her facial…

Uh…let your own mind fill int eh dirty joke here. Basically, she had to take a walk of shame, although she has re-branded them as a, “victory lap.” The facialist turns out to be super gossipy and knows all sorts of things. A lot of people would like to see a reality TV show from Bravo about gossipy beauty people of the NYC scene. But, libel would abound. They’d have to bleep a lot out… Anyway, the GEM that we find from all this is that Sonja slept with Carol’s guy back when Carol was still with him. SCANDAL. We also learn that Luann likes to sleep with small, short, French men and likes to take “church” aka charge, in the bedroom.

When faced with these allegations, LuAnn is so peeved that it seems like there has to be some truth to it. (Much as I love LuAnn!)

It can’t go without saying that there was an offer for a black market placenta mask during the appointment.

LuAnn hosts a party with Bonnie Whatever and…

The ladies totally laughed and giggled during talk about people’s Mother’s passing away from cancer. It was over a text about how George had hooked up with two ladies…one of which was Nana Meriwether, former Miss USA 2012. This is a whole BOONDOGGLE OF nonsense because none of it is adding up. I mean, why would something as beautiful as Nana M. do that? Although she denied it, it was so bizarre that you (the viewer, or at least me) is left with doubts. No matter what, Aviva definitely said it happened and never recanted. Meriwether should honestly sue, because now everyone thinks she slept with a dirty old man, no matter what. That’s defamation, or something lawyery, right?

Aviva ALSO hosted a party

And it was basically like, what is this party even FOR? We got to see her flocked neon yellow wallpaper, and she was hosting a gallery event of art, trying to get input on which art to buy. She even had art from LuAnn’s daughter. (A nice gesture, that.) But things went awry when LuAnn confronted Aviva about who had invited Nana to the OTHER party. This unraveled into more yelling about paintings about sex, and George being a pedophile, and that infamous text… Oi.

So, YEAH. So much for an episode “without” George. (Cause we still sure as hell talked about him a lot.)

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