BIG SURPRISE, Courtney’s dinner with Matt Nordgren did not go WELL. He told her she was seriously crazy, but he also wants her back. (Not in a romantic way, either.)

courtney kerr, courtney loves dallas, bravo, style, clothes, fashion

Her hair usually looks good. But not in this promo photo. Weird. Photo: BRAVO

Courtney Loves Dallas Season 1, Episode 5 Recap – BRAVO

Previously: Courtney pushed to collaborate with Bauble Bar, and ALSO, oh yea, her Mom had cancer on her face. Plus, Matt Nordgren got all Nordgreny and dropped the L bomb and said he wanted to talk to her. ALSO, there’s now an opening to the show where we see Courtney trying on outfits in front of her cool wallpaper.

We open with Courtney dancing, putting on a fur vest, and going to brunch. Her friends talk about how she’s always late, while Courtney calls and says, “I’m totally on my way.” Tori doesn’t care, because she has a mimosa.

Meanwhile, her friends are like “no snacking, we’re doing this brunch RIGHT.”

“That’s so Courtney.” – Tori

Even though she’s late and has upset all her friends, Courtney tells everyone how she’s got her deal with Bauble Bar and is so happy. The good news is that brunch looks delicious, and there’s even fresh flowers on the table. I might never spot an item that Courtney is wearing that I can say I also own, but I DO own that same little jar of pepper that they were using. So, take that, life.

ANOTHER NEWS BOMB: Courtney is hiring an intern. A girl who’s exactly like her, but ten years younger.

“My only news about men has to do with Mr. Matt Nordgren.” – Courtney Kerr

Her friends say she needs to delete his texts, block him, etc. Tori rolls her eyes, and says she’s nailed this door shut, but is making excuses and pulling that door back open. Obviously, her friends are right. But Courtney is Courtney, and Courtney wants Matt.

“I think she likes boy drama. I think she likes the fact that Matt is choosing to pursue her. …honestly, it’s tiring.” – Tori

“I don’t think the girls understand why I need to see Matt.” – Courtney Kerr

To prepare for another day, Courtney uses the “sock into a bun” trick on her hair, and writes with lipstick on her mirror. (It says, “It’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than to be absolutely boring.”

For her intern? She has a list. (First, I have to say I love the purple shade of Courtney’s bedroom.)

HERE IS THE LIST

  • tell me when hair is too big
  • tell me when not big enough
  • tell me when need hairspray
  • help me pick up clothes
  • do things I don’t want to do
  • go to the DMV for me

Katie is the first candidate. “I have a little obsession with Texas,” she says. Which is very smart. But then we heard how Katie is so obsesed with Courtney, and wants to someday BE her. That seems threatening. Because she’s too eager, she’s not getting the job.

Next up, Chelsea with the perfect blonde hair in spiral curls. But who cares about how organized someone is, Courtney wants to make sure both her and her intern can vibe on each other’s shoes. But how can she vibe with this next person…a handsome man. I didn’t catch his name, but I doubt that’s important. Courtney decides to flirt, while he’s trying to stay professional.

Luckily, Courtney knows she can’t hire a handsome intern. Because he might fall in love with her. Or she might fall in love with him. A monologue follows, and ends with, “honestly, I don’t have the money for an attorney right now.”

At this point, I’m just waiting for Matt Nordgren to show up and pretend to apply for the position in order to see and schmooze her.

Finally, a brunette shows up. Courtney says, “Blah blah, that’s great. Tell me about you, let’s talk clothes.”

THE TEST BRINGS.

Courtney wants the girl to pick her out an outfit. Which is kind of ridiculous, because if you’re a fashion blogger don’t you like…pick your own clothes, because you’re the girl with the taste?

But, suddenly we see the ulterior motive. Courtney wants someone to help her pick out an outfit for dinner with Matt. She explains it as a kind of hypothetical about a girl who was friends with a guy and who fell in love but the guy jilted her (exhale, okay keep going) and now he’s called her up and she’s going to see him again. AND SHE GETS THREE MINUTES to create this “dream perfect outfit.” Which is nuts, because this closet is huge and the girl isn’t familiar with any of the clothes yet.

Anyway, this intern aced this look, and gets hired. Booyah.

“You’re going to do great, little one.” – Courtney Kerr Quotes

Court’s friend, Annie, greets her by saying, “is the princess in the castle?” Which. I can’t. MY EYES ARE ROLLING. Or maybe I’m just a little jealous that my friends don’t kiss my ass like that. Plus, Annie has a Louis Vuitton purse, so, fizz her. WHERE IS MY VUITTON. Half the women who have them can’t even spell it. Same with women who wear Herve Leger dresses but can’t pronounce it.

Tori and Courtney have a phone call where they fight about whether Courtney needs to meet up with Matt. Meanwhile, I’m loving the gray and white stripes in Court’s bathroom. Screw the fashion, I’m loving the interior design choices that Court’s making. (Of course, I kind of doubt she made them. But I could be wrong.)

THE MOMENT HAS ARRIVED. They hug. Matt says he wants eye contact. He asks if she’s nervous. Courtney is all giggles and nerves, yes. Matt, immediately, launches into how the old times used to be.

“I think you’re the mayer of Dallas now.” – Matt

“I think you’re the player of Dallas.” – Courtney

BLAH BLAH, Matt has broken up with his girlfriend, and now Nordcow (I swear that’s what she called him) wants to be with her. He wants her back. OF COURSE. Does it help that she’s more successful and has her own BRAVO show? SURE IT DOES. Don’t be naive. Don’t be a Courtney.

I spot a HAIR TOSS, so you know that Courtney’s fully into this. She wants him so bad. Putty? MEET HANDS.

Matt Nordgren decides that his approach is denial. He never ignored Courtney. Nope. Didn’t happen. HE’S LYING. That wakes Courtney up a little. Matt’s logic is that, “we never said we were together.” Luckily, BRAVO HAS FLASHBACKS TO PROVE HE’S A LIAR. Liar, liar, Nordcow’s pants are ON FYAH.

So, Matt still really misses her. Even though he says he never was in a relationship with her, and he’s been busy for a year. So, Courtney gets up and leaves. He follows, because he really likes fame.

“I will never make this mistake, ever again.” – Courtney Kerr Quotes

OF COURSE THAT IS A LIE. Or we wouldn’t have a show.

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