An alien from another planet observed and recorded what they thought of Animal Planet’s Puppy Bowl V. We have the report, and are going to share it with you now.
Visitor’s Log – “Puppy Bowl X” National Holiday Observations
As an alien visiting the earth from Gleeb Globk, I am forced to watch many things I do not understand. Today was an especially confusing one, and I understood nothing. However, I felt captivated by what I observed.
The humans have been talking about a holiday they were calling “The Big Ball.” (Edit: My translation was wrong, it was “The Super Bowl.”) This appears to be an annual event celebrated by all American Earthlings. Holiday festivities include eating tiny, warm dogs (“hot dogs”) wrapped in edible blankets of a wheat-based food source, gathering in large groups around the talking portal screens, and making loud noises and grunts.
I am most fascinated by an event that occurred in the late afternoon. The talking portal screen had a green identifier on it that said “Animal Planet.” It seemed to be a portal to view this world of “animal.” It was referred to as “Puppy Bowl” ten.
These four-legged creatures all look different, but appear to be the same species. They were given many objects and moved around quite a lot.
We saw that small, fuzzy creatures were spying on these “puppy” creatures. They were called “hamsters” and I suspect they must be the origin of “hamburger.” Perhaps humans eat them. But the “puppy” seems to be more revered, and is unlikely a food source for the American human.
Though there was an aggressive nature to this events, it was also …not violent. Instead, it was what my Mother would called (in my native tongue) “gloosh.” Meaning, “my heart is exploding with happiness to behold this.” Good gloosh!
We learned about each of these “puppy” animals by way of their background and sibling puppies. (Puppies – plural of this animal, of which this species seems to fall under.)
A human was talking about what was happening, though the puppies did not seem concerned with their actions as they created them.
A silent and mysterious species was brought onto the green playing space…black and white and shaped vertically long. They were called “penguin cheerleaders.” This species of “penguin cheerleader” confuses me, as they did not interact with the puppies. Why the inclusion? Why did they make no noise?
There was not many humans in the viewing portal this time, which is odd. But there was also something called “Kitten.” It appeared to be a revered creature, covered in no small amount of a fuzz coating. I suspect they may be similar to what the humans buy that is called “chia pet.” The fuzz has sprouted all over them, even in a long string at the base of them. I think they use this string to attract mates, as they used it against each other. (Edit: This part of the anatomy is called “tail.”)
All in all, I could not tell the point of virtue for this portal viewing. It did make me feel a warmth in my chest… perhaps it is a form of healing medicine for the humans. I will continue my research and look into procuring a “kitten.” Despite the amount of gloosh they have, it seems that they are quite abundant and easy to obtain. Maybe I will procure more than one.
Photos: Animal Planet