Here’s a list of the best quotes and moments from Parks and Recreation season 5 episode 18 – “Article Two.”

parks and recreation article two

“Article Two” from Parks and Recreation Season 5

“Nay, enough dithering. Dunk the miscreant!” – Patton Oswalt’s character, Garth.

Tea = Ted in Pawnee’s past. Watch out, EVERYONE, of your messy handwriting.

“Plus…we get to find a guy named Ted and through him in the lake!” – Leslie Knope on Ted Party Day

CTMTS – Chris Traiger Management Training

“Normally if given a choice between something or nothing, I’d choose to do nothing. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. I’d work all night if it meant nothing got done.” – Ron Swanson

Leslie Knope Holidays: Breakfast Day, Zoo Day, Double Date Day, Talk Like a Pirate Day, Talk Like a Pittsburgh Pirate Day, Calendar Day, Waffle Day, Mail Day. Now just Anne Day and Ben Day. No, month. No, week. Anne Week. Ben Week. And the third week, a Friend Week!


Tyrion Lannister! Game of Thrones shout-out! That’s Ben’s username! “The Lannister’s while very wealthy, do not posses the magical abilities…” Oh, Ben.

“Have you seen those Dothraki dudes? They can get it. Everybody on that show can get it.” – Donna

J.J. Abrams shout-out!

Jamm was really into Garth’s Star Wars and Star Trek talk. Jamm is here to STAY, guys.

“By that logic, I AM Wolverine every time I go to bed at night.” – Garth

1817 rules, man!

Future Mrs. Tiger Woods is Anne’s eBay name!

The way April wore her “Conductor” hat was … awesome.

“You’ve killed my spirit. My spirit blood is on your hands.” – April

“This is literally a battle of April’s soul.” – Chris

“Everything is old. Old things are dumb.” – Tom

“That IS a dope bonnet.” – Tom

Gasp. “BUTTER is my favorite food!” – Andy

He hasn’t gotten an e-mail in TWELVE DAYS? Is he a ghost?

Anne’s miniature Leslie out of breakfast food… with the bacon skirt and waffle face! SO CUTE. Oh Anne, it was awful, but I love you.

Anne: “What do I do with this?”
Ben: “Uh, just burn it and bury the ashes and pray it doesn’t haunt you.”

Money. Fear. Hunger.

“Huzzah the day is mine!…I’m gonna miss saying huzzah.” – Garth

I love experimenting with Jerry.

I ALSO love how sweet Leslie was to Garth.

The way Leslie shoo’d chickens away? Hilarious.

April, stealer of things, is very smart. “It’s my favorite kind of battle. Two men enter. One me leaves.”

Best Breakfast day joint Waffle day present ever!

Leslie outsmarts everyone. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.