Snow and Charming’s honeymoon involved some breaking-and-entering, revenge plotting, and near-death experiences. So, pretty typical for them.

joanna garcia swisher ariel once upon a time

It’s Ariel! ….in a bulky fall sweater. You know, it’s no fun if you don’t even try to allude to the fact that she’s a MERMAID, guys. You know what else isn’t fun? The fact that we saw her for about four minutes, and then she was gone. This picture is all but pointless, as she has nothing to do with this episode…and yet this is what ABC released to us. So, here you go, a pointless picture! ABC/Jack Rowand) JOANNA GARCIA SWISHER

Once Upon a Time Season 3, Episode 10 “The New Neverland”

Ariel and Eric reunite, and because he’s chopping off the heads of dead fish she’s a little hesitant about his views on sealife, but they kiss instantly and are already a power couple.

Ooh, Medusa’s in the title. Not sure how she’s Disney-ish, but I always welcome a lady who’s brave enough to wear live snakes in her hair.

The gang is back, and they are given a royal welcome of cheers and slow-motion hugs.

Wendy is reunited with Michael and John,the boys with the hipster glasses who wanted to stop Pan.

Flashback time! Back to seeing Snow White in her white feather gown from the pilot. Regina is the Evil Queen, and she wants to destroy all happiness. But Prince Charming thinks a honeymoon is what they need! Typical male, not thinking about anything other than himself. This type of thing is exactly why I think Charming is as dumb as a doorknob. Gee, the entire kingdom was just threatened, but let’s go on a trip! How very smart of you, King Doofus.

The dwarves are guarding the castle. They might be built strong, and they’re surely loyal, but would anyone feel safe with such tiny men guarding …anything?

The show has given Henry a bodyswap storyline, probably hoping to make his character more interesting than annoying. Alas! He’s as boring and one-dimensional as always. Can I say it? This kid is just not a great actor, which is what probably happens when you cast a young’in for a big part. Sometimes you luck out and get a Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen situation. But othertimes,you get a character you badly need to be less integral to your plot so you can write them out…like what’s her name in Family Matters.

Rose McIver as Tinkerbell! I love her. She’s a great actress on Showtime’s Master of Sex, as well.

Neal and Cook got all weird about Emma. Cause that’s how they do things.

Flashback: Charming carrying Snow White over a threshhold as she looks like a giant white marshmallow in her cape. Lordy.

Just what every honeymoon needs, the bride flees! Charming isn’t quite as dumb as I’d thought, as he meets his fleeing bride.

Now it’s time for the Medusa reference! Snow White just wants Medusa’s chopped-off head, is all. What if this Medusa person is a nice, sweet person! And you’re just gonna chop off her head? How nice and diplomatic of you, your Queen.

Henry aka Pan is asking about the vault, and insulting Emma by asking to sleep at Regina’s. I can’t help but think how cool it would be to explore Regina’s house…to see where all her secret magic tokens are lingering…

A really cool effect happened when Pan summoned the shadow, and it dislodged itself from The Jolly Roger’s sails. That was legit awesome.

Hook gets all suave and swoon-worthy while trying to seduce Tinkerbell, which feeds into plenty of our weird thoughts about the relationship between Hook and Tink in the Disney movie, am I right?

The Blue Fairy is killed by the shadow, which is a shame because she was one of the only original secondary that has stayed from season 1. Cinderella is all but gone. Where’s Ruby, and Archie?

The Gorgon (weirdo speak for Medusa) is all CGI effect, red eyes, armor-like red bra, and ugly. Sorry, but girlfriend is UUUUUG-LEE. No wonder no one likes it. Unfortunately, Charming gets a good eyeful of her and turns to stone.

“Cranky cause your prince is now a statue? I can barely tell the difference.” – Regina

I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Snow decides to use the oldest trick in the book, by employing a mirror to make Medusa turn herself into stone. That means everyone who had been turned by Medusa, was cured. I wonder if they’ll ever mention who else gets un-frozen in this action? Anyway, all it took was learning a lesson about not defeating oneself and some temporary death for Snow White to decide she can’t try to defeat Regina on her own. Blah blah blah, lesson learned.

Meanwhile, Pan-as-Henry tricks his way into THE VAULT (it’s important, so it can’t just be capitalized) and gives a look of, “I solemnly swear I am up to no good” as he promises not to touch anything.

Emma’s hunch about Henry not being right (which is true) only serves to show us that Regina is a terrible Mom.

At the line between Storybrooke and the world, Pan is released from Pandora’s box. And Pan (who is Henry) explains he’s Henry and not Pan. So, Henry has to prove that he’s himself. Like, he likes Cocoa with cinnamon! But through moments and memories, Henry proves that he’s truly himself.

“Promise you’re not going to incinerate us when we step over the line.” – Emma to Gold

Man, this kid who plays Peter Pan is such a better actor than the real Henry. What a shame. It’s like …like he can’t emote. Which makes him perfectly suited to be related to Prince Charming, yes… but emoting is a big part of acting….so if you can’t, then you’re not doing well.

Back in our flashback, Snow White says she wants to start a family, and that’s why she’s so afraid of Regina. But the pair decide they’ll have a child, because good can triumph evil and so on and so on.

The spell was stolen. Peter Pan wants to use it to make Storybrooke into “The New Neverland.” So…that’s what we’ll be dealing with when we wrap things up next week in the Winter Finale. I predict lots of gasping, beret-wearing, and attempts at making Henry a character worth caring about.

REACT: Will the spell be cast over storybrooke next week, or will Pan be defeated first?



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