Snow White (Ginnifer Goodwin) is quite the heroine! Time to re-write your storybooks! Below you’ll be treated to a riveting recap of the Once Upon a Time episode “Snow Falls.”

snow white prince charming

We open on a pristine white carriage with four white horses that’s moving swiftly through an idyllic and lush green forest. Inside the carriage is Prince Charming (Josh Dallas) and a Blonde Princess with an attitude (and a preference for the troll road. Do you suppose that’s the name of the road or that a troll owns the road?) Her costuming is rather art deco, which is a pretty interesting choice. And, yes, with my OUAT recaps you can expect to read comments about styling and costumes.

Back to the show. Gasp! A fallen tree is in their path. The Lord realizes the tree has not simply fallen, it’s been cut down and they’re actually in the middle of an ambush. I bet this has happened to him before. He needs to get insurance.

The thief steals the prince’s leather pouch and rides gallantly away. But the prince follows, because his pocketbook might have a winning lottery ticket, dammit. The thief, whose face and form we cannot see under the green hood, rides ahead. But the prince has been well trained (maybe by trolls) and captures the thief. Only to learn…

“You’re a – girl.” – Charming
She exhales and smiles. “Woman.” – Snow

And BOOM, with a hit of the rock she’s off! It’s Snow White, and she’s wearing rustic clothing. And, hey, she’s a thief! That’s pretty cool. We’ve only seen Snow on the show in fancy outfits, so it’s a surprise to see she hasn’t always been so girly.

Back in the modern day, Mary Margaret (Snow) is on a date. But her date (played by David Anders) is much more interesting in checking out Ruby’s ass than listening to Mary. Mary is dressed in silver flats, a floral dress, brightly colored cardigan and silver cross. It’s super feminine and conservative. But she informs Emma that while she’s a teacher, she’s not a nun. But her date didn’t go well.

ginnifer goodwin short hair

Speaking of Emma, she’s living in her yellow car. Mary extends an offer for Emma to stay in her spare room. But Emma is all crazyeyed because the theory that Henry has says that Mary is Emma’s mother.

We switch to a new scene. The hospital. Mary (in a mint cardigan and floral skirt) see’s Henry visiting Joe Doe who’s in a coma. The pair get to talking about this lonely man. He doesn’t have a lot of stubble, so the nurses must go in to shave him.

At the playground that looks like a castle, Henry explains about John Doe – her father – to Emma. Henry thinks the pair need to be reunited.

Emma agrees to the plan, but says they have to do it her way. And her way is to suggest Mary read to the coma patient. She also reveals that Henry believes John Doe is Prince Charming. They both agree that the plan is genius, and it’ll help them show Henry the truth minus a more painful “listen to me” tactic.

Mary is a little hesitant about reading to the Prince – John – but she settles in and uses the book of fairytales. And she reads their shared history. And upon hearing this, John Doe’s hand reaches out and takes hers. His eyes aren’t open, but that’s still a huge leap for coma boy!

Mary alerts the doctor (her date from the other night) but he see’s no change. He accuses her of imagining something. David Anders does play pompous jerks so well. And, aren’t most doctors exactly that? Anyway, he sends her home and she leaves feeling deflated. Poor Snow White!

The Doctor calls the Mayor, because you had to know he was kinda easy. He fills the Mayor in on what happened, and confesses there was a slight fluctuation in brain activity.

Back at home, Mary has nestled into her bed. It’s in front of a window hung with white sheers, and her bed has a pretty white wrought iron headboard. She continues to read the story.

Snow White climbs out of a giant tree trunk, only to step into a rope trap that lifts her off the ground. The Prince laughs as he appears.

“If this the only way you can catch a woman? By entrapping her?” – Snow White

The pair go on to bicker and banter. Snow White says his impending marriage is probably an arranged marriage – and, turns out, it is. She gives him the sarcastic nickname of “Charming.” But he’s got an ace up his sleeve. She’s Snow White and she’s wanted by the Queen for Murder, Treason and Treachery!

Henry and Emma meet Mary at the cafe. Mary shares the breakthrough, and Henry’s more excited than if they’d presented him with one of those icecream sundae’s with a ice cream cone upside down so it looks like a clown.

snow white ginnifer goodwinThe trio run to read to him again, only to see that the Sheriff is there with the Mayor (dressed all in black, muah ha ha ha) and John Doe is missing. A coma patient has gone missing? Yea, something’s fishy there.

The Mayor plays dumb. Who does she think she’s fooling?

Suddenly, we learn all sorts of info. The Mayor is John Doe’s emergency contact because she found him by the side of the road. The Mayor also says that she’ll be keeping her son away from Emma since Emma won’t stay away from her son. And the Doctor says, right in front of Henry, how important it is to find Doe because he needs medical attention. A security camera shows that Doe got up and walked away of his own volition. Nice to know he wasn’t dragged away in a body bag! He’s actually escaped into the woods.

In the flashback we see that Snow White has fairy dust trapped in a necklace, which she plans to use on the Queen. Charming steals it from her. The thief has been thieved! (We also learn that fairy dust from a good fairy isn’t bad, but if it’s from a dark fairy, it is. Pretty simple math.)

The Queen hates Snow because the Queen’s husband let her escape. And now that the Queen wants Snow dead, she’s got revenge on her mind. The Queen blames Snow for ruining her life. Now the Queen wants Snow’s heart cut out. Very literal.

Snow tricks the Prince into getting away, because she’s crafty, dammit. But some of the Queen’s soldiers arrive. And the fairy dust is with the Prince! Crap. Even though Snow didn’t go back to help the Prince (she shoved him into the rushing river when she got away) he saves her from the stabby fate awaiting her. He’s just met her and he can’t bare to lose her now! (That’s just implied.) He uses a bow and arrow to take down a guard, and asks if Snow is okay.

“You, you saved me.” – Snow
“Seemed like the honorable thing to do.” – Charming

The Prince still wants his jewels for his marriage. So the pair embark on the journey, again. They both pretend she didn’t try to ditch him. They have to take the dreaded troll bridge, and both Snow and Charming are fearful. To cross the bridge, Snow places gold coins down. From the depths below the bridge, the trolls rise up like giant gorilla’s. But they’re very interested in who the fancy J-Crew guy is with her. She says she’d like the ring back, and nothing else. But the Trolls say he’s a royal and it’s a set-up! They search him and are very intrigued by a Reward Poster for Snow White. Charming is feeling chivalrous and swordplay happens. Snow begins to run free, only to see the Princes is outnumbered and about to suffer a very bad fate. So Snow returns and uses her fairy dust to turn the giant trolls into nice cockroaches. FOR US TO STOMP ON.

“Anyway. How could I let Prince Charming die?” – Snow White

We learn his name is James. Very princely.

A little bit of backstory is revealed about Emma. She is a bounty hunter because looking for people is all she’s ever done. … because she’s adopted and searching for parents which don’t exist because they’re fairytale characters that don’t age…!

Also, in the modern world, Mary has found John Doe, passed out in a stream. She uses CPR, and because she’s a single girl who watches romantic comedies, believes he might actually be her prince and whispers for him to come back to her. And so, he does.

Back at the hospital, the blonde Princess that was going to marry the Prince is there. And in the modern world, she’s apparently his wife. That’s suspicious. And they’re calling him “David.”  Well, that’s a bummer. But isn’t that always the way? The comatose prince wakes up and he’s got a wife, and an addiction to gambling you couldn’t have forseen. True story!

The Mayor snarks with Emma. They verbally spar. And something the Mayor says about not having anyone compels Emma to then ask Mary for her spare room. See, kids? For every action, there is a reaction (that you can’t predict.)

Next week: Cinderella is pregnant!

Once Upon a Time is made by ABC Studios and airs Sundays.