It’s that time again! Yup, time for magical Sunday nights with magic beans and good, old-fashioned romance. Once Upon a Time season 3 is here! Please join us here on Small Screen Scoop, weekly, for live blog recaps, reviews, and lists of the best OUAT quotes!

hook and emma

Hook and Emma. Photo: ABC

Once Upon a Time Season 3, Episode 1 “The Heart of the Truest Believer” Live Blog Recap

Eleven years ago, Emma gave birth to Henry. (So he’s eleven, see how SMARTY PANTS I am?) Oh, but it’s sad because she doesn’t want to see or hold her new baby as she’s about to give him up for adoption. See how she’s bracing, and holding onto her hospital bed? It’s because her body is yearning to do the one thing she won’t let herself do: just have her son.

But now we’re back in the present day…

“Is that it?” – Emma Swan
“Aye, Neverland.” – Killian Jones and Hook

The titlecard shows boys flying. Lost boys and Peter Pan, perhaps?

“You’re a long way from Storybrooke.” – Tamara

“We’re not in the Enchanted Forest, this is Neverland.” – Greg

Is it just me or has Prince Charming gotten a haircut and a shave? Obviously he found a good barber during the whirlwind of tunnel-y magic stuff.

Proving that Emma really is Snow’s daughter, she has now decided to pick a fight and blame her Mom for everything.

“We missed you growing up, Emma. And it haunts us every day.” – Snow White

“How can you two be so infuriating optimistic?” – Emma Swan

“Your lives they’ve…they’ve sucked!” – Emma Swan

“The minute I let go of the belief that things will get better, is the minute I know they won’t.” – Snow White

“Oh, that’s a good use of our time. A wardrobe change.” – Hook

“You don’t believe in magic, or your parents, or even yourself.” – Rumplelstiltskin

“Neverland is a place where imagination runs wild.” – Rumpelstiltskin (Ditto for iKEA. Not that I would know, the good people of Cleveland will never have one, apparently.)

I’m so sick of how lame Greg and Tamara are… they are sucking up screen time so I hope they get killed off … no offense, Ethan Embry. I heart you, but I … OH I SPOKE TOO SOON. I think they both died. Or were badly harmed, at least! I hope the former. Shhh.

“What are you doing?” – Hook
“Getting ready for a fight.” – Emma

Who could not kind of luuuurve Hook and Emma? They have great tension, and Hook has that dark/brooding/sexy thing going on… I mean, who can resist all that swagger? Especially when the gent believes in your powers, and gives you a sword and a shot. Like, boom, pants down. (Or something more romantic.)

MULAN. …I never saw the entire movie, and we hardly saw her last season. And there’s Aurora, Sleeping Beauty. Looking so dang pretty. And Julian Morris as Prince…something or other. Love him. Aurora is all about love and helping, while Mulan is ready for an interrogation. I like how they are so opposite, but are always together now.

“What’s out there, a shark, a whale?” – Emma
“A kraken?” – Charming

NAH, MERMAIDS.

I love Mermaids. I watched “Mermaids: The Body Found” recently, and totally do think they may very well be real (though rare) and not beautiful/nice but kind of fearsome warriors.

Since OUAT is doing Peter Pan, they obviously had to have mermaids. Will some of them be weirdly flirty with Peter Pan? Who knows. But maybe they’re out to do his bidding?

But even if these are angry mermaids, they still wear sexy tops. Duh.

“I will not be capsized by fish!” – Charming

“Emma, what are you doing?!” – Snow White
“Fishing!” – Emma (Poor fishy mermaids!)

They should all just be friends. No more violence. Peace! (I’m such a passive hippie, I KNOW.)

Regina, way to wait a good five minutes before helping out the team. …And the mermaids sound like puppies whimpering as they go away.

I wonder if mermaids can talk…let’s find out. OH. Of course they can. They wear antique jewelry and lots of eye makeup, too! Good to know.

Peter Pan reminds me of a mobster or mafia boss.

“My family’s different, we always come after each other.” – Henry

ECHO CAVES? LIKE WHERE TIGER LILY ALMOST DIED THAT TIME?

When Aurora goes into a deep sleep, she lays out in the open and the skirt of her dress billows gently in the wind. That’s how I imagine I look like when I sleep.

“They made a movie about you, it’s actually…pretty good.” – Neal

You don’t say who your father is, if your father is akin to Hitler, Neal! Think smart!

NO, TAMARA, BE DEAD. I AM SORRY, BUT I DO NOT ENJOY YOU. I will shoot you myself! (Do you think Sonequa Martin-Green has to keep wondering if her sounds of pain are too much like an orgasm?) Anyway, okay, she’s dead. Bye, bye! C-ya never, Tamara! I feel like a BURDEN has been lifted.

“I don’t need my friends to kill you. You’ll kill yourselves.” – Mermaid

That’s one smart mermaid.

“That’s more like it Charming. Filet the bitch.” – Regina

This mermaid looks awkward. She doesn’t seem like she’s in pain, but her tail is flailing… and it’s not CGI…I hope. Because it looks …real. Which I appreciate, because I am so sick of CGI.

Oooh…mermaid statue! ..And now there’s a Tsunami. Great. Now I’m thinking about the statue of Prince Eric in the Little Mermaid movie! Prince Eric was so dumb, guys. But so attractive. Clearly one of the best princes there was from Disney!

“The first was a warning, m’lady. Chivalry and all that.” – Robin Hood

I love how Robin Hood talks… all “grant such a,” blah blah. “My apologies.”

Oooh, looks like we’ll have a flashback of Robin Hood and Rumplelstiltskin. Unless we already saw it… I can’t remember. Was that who Belle helped free?

Neal wielded that walking stick in a sexy way. And now they’re talking about blood magic, which is sexy or creepy…I can’t decide. The phrase “blood magic” reminds me of early 20’s Angelina Jolie. Remember how she married the guy from that movie about snow, and they had lockets with blood? Everyone thought it was nuts. If it had happened now, people would have thought she was a vampire and loved her even more. Of course, I think it’s impossible for people to love Jolie more than they do – it’s crazy. (I loathe her, and I don’t even know if it’s just in reaction to the inordinate amount of love and worship she gets.)

So, now that it’s 8:44 I’m going to call this and say these guys are gonna spend the entire episode on this hellish boat. Well, except for Emma…who just jumped into the water for reasons I do not know. Maybe she was just bored from all the daredevil storm nonsense.

Oh come on, OF COURSE you can fly with the pixie dust. Anyone would know that. Henry…yes.

“I definitely do not believe.”
“That’s okay, because I do.” – Henry

Awwwwwww. And pixie dust glow is green! Like Tinkerbell. I’m considering this an homage to Tink, kay? I’m now ready for Wendy!

Did we ever clarify why in the hell Emma jumped in the water?

Also, why does it seem like any people on any boat are always pulling something with a giant rope?

Gotta cough up that seawater, too many carbs.

I love the word “caveat.”

This young, hooded, boy is very confidence for being a teen with hidden acne. Especially going toe-to-toe with Rumplelstiltskin.

Less friendly circumstances, huh? NOT A TEA PARTY?

A voodoo doll? Peter Pan made a voodoo doll? Welp, I’ve never seen a voodoo doll make anyone cry like that, before.

“Isn’t it funny, the things we haven’t thought about in years, still have the ability to make us cry.”

I want a magic crystal ball. None of this magic 8 stuff. The effect used when we saw Emma was like The Wicked Witch of the West’s ball when she spied on Dorothy.

“This land is run on belief.” – Emma Swan

“It’s time for us all to believe. Not in magic. But in each other.” – Emma Swan Quotes

“I quite fancy you from time to time when you’re not yelling at me.” – Hook to Emma

“And what’s your skill…savior?” – Regina
“I’m a Mother.” – Emma

I LOVE A-Teams like this. And I love what Emma said about they can all be who they are…a villain, and whatever…they’ll need them all and all of their skills. MISFITS UNITED.

“See, if you believe. Anything’s possible.” – Henry

OH NOES, it’s PETER PAN. FLY AWAY, HENRY.

“It is so much easier to get people to hate something, than to believe.” – Peter Pan

“You are the lucky owner of that very special heart. And now, you, and it, are mine.” – Peter Pan

COME ON BOOOOYS. Place nice.

Okay, meet me here next week for another live recap! DON’T LEAVE ME HANGING.

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