Inside is a review of the most recent episode of Bravo’s “Newlyweds: The First Year.”

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Alaska and Kim

I get furious at how Alaska treats Kim. He’s rude and doesn’t seem to care about her feelings at all. And that’s not even getting into their idea of a “Christian marriage” where the woman listens to what the man of the house wants, and he makes all the decisions. All her vibrancy and spirit seemed to drain away in all post-marriage interviews.

Of course, she always seems like a little baby sometimes. Her husband told her he wants to take showers alone, and she always tries to change his mind and she was even trying to break into the bathroom.

When it comes to the issue of the sofa…I did like it, but I do know that as a main sofa it wouldn’t work since it wouldn’t ever be big and comfortable. The drama between Alaska and Kim always seems manufactured, like they’re doing it for the cameras.

Blair and Jeff

I love this duo the most out of the other couple’s on this show. They are so sweet to each other, and so damn fancy! I loved their pre-wedding red, white and blue party.

Blair’s Mother would not come to their wedding… oh man, that’s rough. I identify with him and how he has a lot of insecurities and not feeling worthy of being loved. So yea, he’s possibly my favorite. But I do love Jeff a lot, too. It’s hard to decide – I’d want them both to party with me. Not that I party hard. I do a lot of …uh, glamourously lounging around, instead.

The preacher used an iPad during the service. That tickles me, for some reason. The ceremony was beautiful, and they had a bit of a flapper fair…some people were wearing big hats and pearls with long gloves… so I’m not sure if it was a theme or just what a couple of them did.

 

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Tarz and Tina

Whoa, was Tina’s nurse scripted? Because she gave a very nice little speech about seeing your baby for the first time, and then she gave some lines like…”You’re old” and “It’s really a sad day when you start hearing your ovaries crack.” That doctor is the one who was cracked. But…refreshingly honest, at least.

“Screwing days, non-screwing days. When your stuff’s supposed to go in me…” – Tina

He wants to put babies on hold, but Tina wants them right away. And I felt sad for how Tina couldn’t seem to get on the same page with Tarz. He wouldn’t say “I don’t really care if we have kids now or not” straight to her, so she refused to read the subtext.

While at the gym, I realized that Tarz has a shirt that has his name on it in crystals. Which, duh, he wears at the gym.

“We’re old. Thank about it. She’s 35.” – Tarz

She offered to put on dolphin porn to help Tarz in the bedroom. That girl’s a giver.

Kathryn and John

This is another example of a couple that is infuriating. John treats Kathryn horribly and really seems controlling. John let us know that he thinks it’s easier to “only” know someone a year and marry them, then “only” know someone a year and go into business with them. Well! That tells you everything you need to know about how he views the sanctity of marriage. He cares more about who his business partner is than who he picks for a wife.

John doesn’t know “compartmentalize” is a word. Since I don’t like him I don’t feel bad in saying – “idiot!”

He’s very money-minded, and did an Excel powerpoint of how much money they got from their wedding. It was over 40,000! Damn. Is that what everyone gets at weddings? I need to get married, man.

Come back next week for another review of this Bravo series!



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