New Girl quotes from the season 2 episode “Re-Launch.”

Schmidt: Honey, what happened to you in your life that made you like this?
Shot girl: I graduated from MIT then I got into a horrible accident where I lost half my brain.
Schmidt: There it is.

Schmidt: Can you believe the zoo wouldn’t let me borrow their white tiger? I mean, the nerve! Philip Seymour Hoffman is going to be sitting at the back of the party thinking, “Look at that guy. He couldn’t even get a big cat”.

Jess: Schmidt, you need a tiger. I need a job.

Winston: Look at me being so naughty!

Schmidt: Hey, look, Cece, fiiiire!

Jess: I got laid off.
Winston: What!?
Nick: Are you serious?
Schmidt: Obama…

Nick: Sure, I could get a girl drunk and topless with only some crushed ice, a hollowed out papaya, and two fingers of rum. But then I grew up, and now I only want to make a drink that a coal miner would want. Straightforward, honest. Something that says, “I work in a hole”.

Jess: I panicked and I grabbed the hat. I should have grabbed the yoyo or the slap bracelet and now all I have is this stupid hat.

Jess: I thought we talked about you not wearing your shower diaper in the kitchen!
Schmidt: Excuse me? Do you think this has been easy? To wash myself wearing a penis cast all summer?

Jess: My boobs are loving this unemployed thing, they don’t have to go to boob jail every day.

Jess as Nick: When did gum get so fancy?

Schmidt: There’s gotta be an explanation for this, like he’s the Lord of Winterfell.

Photo credit of Zooey Deschanel in New Girl: Adam Rose and Patrick McElhenney/FOX

New Girl Season 2 Episode 1 “Re-Launch”

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