New Girl quotes from the season 2 episode “Katie.”

Bearclaw: If we make love later, and I tell you to pretend that I’m a scary ghost, are you gonna be weirded out by that?

Jess: I had the best sex of my life last night.
Nick: Oh so that was you? I thought it was a couple bums fighting.
Jess: It wasn’t. It was me. Having sex. I left my body, went up to heaven, saw my grandparents, thought it was weird that I saw my grandparents, came back down. I became a werewolf, I scared some teenagers. I came back into my body. Only thing is, he thinks my name is Katie and that I’m a dancer and/or something involving puppets.

Nick: Let’s just say, we live in a world where time exists. If that’s the case-
Schmidt: 1. Marie Antoinette. 2 Cleopatra 3. Young Ann Margret 4. Old Ann Margret –
Nick: Would you shut up, you clown!

david walton

Old Nick: Can I tell you something?
Nick: Not really.
Old Nick: I’m you, from the future.
Nick: Well, that’s a first.

Sam: Hi – are you Katie? I’m Sam from CupidMatch.
Jess: And I’m the girl from my dreams of you.

Schmidt: Winston, your sister got so hot! I’m gonna have to Shaq attack her! May I have your blessing? Because I’m gonna be like dribbling up the court, illegal sexual foul – boom! Illegal use of hands – boom!

Schmidt: Well, it took a year. But she’s finally cooking and cleaning. I knew this would pay off eventually.

Jess: Everybody like egg pie?
Schmidt: Jess, I believe the word you’re looking for is fritatta.
Jess: Oh Schmidt, stop starring at my frittatas.

Schmidt: Are you cooking a fritatta in a sauce pan? What is this, prison?

Schmidt: Felt art?
Jess: It’s multi-cloth collage!

new girl bearclaw

Jess: Woo, hoo. I’m off the grid! I’m so far off the grid that everybody’s like … ‘she’s off the grid!’

Jess: Nick’s name is Nick! You even look alike. Turtle face!

Charmaine: You gonna take care of this?
Winston: He’s dead to me.

Old Nick: I know you didn’t shower this morning.
Nick: Good guess, it’s a Wednesday.

Jess on Jenny McCarthy: I thought she was so beautiful with all that swearing.

Schmidt: They call him, leaper.
Kess: Yea, cricket the leaper.
Let me see you leap.

Schmidt: Maybe you should watch a cautionary tale that I like to call “The Nutty Professor.”

Nick: You wear a cardigan, on top of another cardigan.

Jess: Is there a hot way of saying “I don’t feel sexy after I’ve had a lot of cheese”?

Jess: Oh no… auto-correct changed “body” to “meatbar.”

sam new girl

Photo credit of Zooey Deschanel in New Girl: Greg Gayne/FOX

New Girl Season 2 Episode 2 “Katie”

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