They are the most attractive, boring couple ever. It’s like when Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries were together.

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In a previous episode, Cassandra Ferguson and Juan Pablo posed with dogs.

The Bachelor 2014 Recap of the Juan Pablo and Cassandra Ferguson First Date

Sweetheart-faced Cassandra Ferguson is a bit of a shy girl with a daughter waiting for her at home. Juan Pablo knew it was important to get a date with her right away, so that they could see if they had chemistry or not. For the first date, they had a “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang” (best cool/creepy movie ever!) moment where Juan drove the car into the ocean, and the “car” turned into a boat.

“I think Juan Pablo is a ton of fun.” Cassandra, showing off her enthusiasm…

So, they had a BLAST, with riveting conversation like:

“How fast does it go?”
“Very fast.”

A controversial fashion choice arises…and then another. Cassandra wears an orange jumpsuit with shorts (jumper?) and then a bikini with dense, opaque Granny lace and Girly ruffles. But who cares, because once they’re in the water (after jumping off a yacht, duh) they are making out.

AND I FIGURED IT OUT. Cassandra Ferguson looks like Maria Menonous (and wasn’t it weird that she had such a random cameo on ‘The Mindy Project’?), mixed with a little Miranda Kerr.

They went to a house, cooked dinner, and even danced. Predictable and sweet. But…forced, somehow. It’s almost like they both knew they had to decide yes/no pretty fast, and they latched onto the “yes” option and aren’t going to believe anything else.

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Cassandra Ferguson is on ‘The Bachelor’ 2014

Cassandra expressed that she was surprised to really feel something for Juan Pablo. But, she hasn’t had a first date sine she was eighteen years old…so maybe she’s high on first date jitters… They laugh about malted milkballs and Pablo has insights like, “Damn, Cassandra is beautiful…” Stunning us with your vocabulary, Pablo.

As they cuddled up over the dinner table, Juan presented a rose to Cassandra. Did she accept it? Yes.

They are both perfectly nice, attractive people. But when they are together, they are snoozeville. If we see a lot more of Cassandra this season, we’re gonna need more of that naked Lucy girl. (Juan Pablo has come out to say he doesn’t think there should be a gay fashion of ‘The Bachelor’ because it would not be good for kids to see, meanwhile his season of ‘The Bachelor’ has shown blurred images of Lucy Taragon doing everything she can while naked, even outside. And he still hasn’t eliminated her.)

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REACT: What do you think of Cassandra? Do you think this couple is boring, or do you think they’re your best bet to invite to a rave? Meet us here on Monday night for our The Bachelor 2014 recap!