In Defense of John Mayer: Why is it so Wrong to be Honest and Witty?

So, the John Mayer playboy interview has everyone abuzz like he personally came up and slapped your mom and then stole your dog and gave it an inappropriate massage. But I LIKED the interview. He was honest. He didn’t give scripted lines the way a lot of celebrities do – repeating and repeating the same unimaginative phrases to reporters for soundbyes that sound duller every time you hear them. Mayer opened up, which is what you are supposed to expect when you get a celebrity interview – in theory. And while he didn’t talk about things other than his music for a lot of his press so far for the new album, Battle Studies, that’s because those were supposed to be promoting his album! But with Playboy, the readers and context are different. So I totally understand why he opened up the way he did. And the guys who read that stuff are probably 100x’s dirtier (though not more creative) than John Mayer. So, a little perspective, PLEASE.

Perez Hilton says Mayer is homophobic? Then why’d he openly kiss a guy, and has never said anything about about gay people in general. The fact he dislikes Perez has everything to do with Hilton’s personality, not his gayness.

Much of what Mayer said reminded me of what is on an episode of How I Met Your Mother, about a girl who is white girl crazy.

The problem with the John Mayer playboy interview is this: most celebrities are never that honest to any media outlet. So while a lot of people have totally weird thoughts, such as ones that Mayer voiced, we don’t know about them because no one ever admits them. We only find out when the huge scandal breaks – like adultery, Tiger Woods, etc etc. Did Mayer do any of that? No. He made sarcastic jokes, he was honest about the nature of technology making us hard to please, he admits that he likes to masturbate – but he also said a lot of amazing stuff. The clips that no one else is posting. He talked about being an outcast, about his love of music that goes to a place you can’t fake. And he shares life stories that are genuinely funny. You’d like them if it was a fictional character, but because this is a real guy and you thought you had figured out how far he’d go – you’re mad because he’s gone farther.

Most people can’t take a joke, or read sarcasm or wit in text – which is why a lot of Mayer fans are upset because he’s put himself in a very vulnerable situation. But I think it’s clear who the idiots are here. If you want to cry about a remark that a musician makes in Playboy magazine, maybe you should stick to reading US Weekly.

John Mayer reminds me of Charlie Barlett or Logan Echolls (Veronica Mars) right here:

PLAYBOY: Were you one of those smart kids who hated school?

MAYER: I would act up and get sent to the dean’s office and talk to him as though I was an adult. “I’m not trying to upset anybody, sir. With all due respect to you and your staff, I’m just not supposed to be here. It’s quite difficult for me to sit in class, because I’m supposed to be a guitar player, sir.” I was very cocky. But from the outset, there was opposition. My parents were not the biggest fans, to put it diplomatically. I grew up saying, “You’ll see. I can’t explain it yet, but you’ll see.”

More excerpts I liked after the jump.

MAYER: Lately I’ve realized it’s okay to enjoy being a rock star. Like, it might actually be fun to wear sunglasses in the airport and sit in the first-class lounge as a fucking rock star who’s about to go on a world tour. I had related it to something so painful, so frustrating, so confusing, that it would give me a tension headache. Being a famous musician seemed to have brought misunderstanding and strife and a fist in the back of the head when I read something about myself. I wrote this line yesterday: “Someday soon these will just be things we used to do.” I’m sort of making a list of all the things I know I’m going to laugh at myself for taking so seriously.

PLAYBOY: Has Jen heard Battle Studies?

MAYER: Yes. I played it for her as the record was being made.

PLAYBOY: What did she say?

MAYER: Look, there’s a level of honesty in that record that probably made her uncomfortable, but I couldn’t let that change the way I wrote songs. There were moments when she said, “What’s that line?” Like, “That’s not about me, is it?” While I was going out with her she was on the cover of GQ wearing nothing but a tie. These are occupational hazards. When she heard Battle Studies she just wanted to be able to say “I want to know that you hold me correctly in your heart.”

PLAYBOY: What percentage of the album is about Aniston?

MAYER: I don’t want to say. I feel bad because people think “Heartbreak Warfare” is about her. I want to go on record saying it’s not. That woman would never use heartbreak warfare. That woman was the most communicative, sweetest, kindest person. When people hear the record, I hope the songs make them think about their lives, not my life. Like, when you listen to Coldplay, do you think about Gwyneth Paltrow? I don’t write songs in order to stick it to my exes. I don’t release underground dis tracks. [laughs]

PLAYBOY: You’ve rarely talked about Aniston. She has rarely talked about you.

MAYER: We just have a regard for each other’s feelings that is pretty intense. It’s been a deep relationship, and it’s no longer taking place at all. Have you ever loved somebody, loved her completely, but had to end the relationship for life reasons?

PLAYBOY: Did you send Aniston a copy of the CD after it was done?

MAYER: No.

PLAYBOY: Maybe she’ll download it from BitTorrent.

MAYER: If Jennifer Aniston knows how to use BitTorrent I’ll eat my fucking shoe.

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