Yeah, buddy, it’s the reunion!
It’s the Jersey Shore reunion show, yeah buddy. Julissa Bermudez, our host, starts off with Mike who says that this was the best summer yet, since in Miami they were a little like fish out of water, coming home was fun. Deena says she doesn’t regret anything at the Jersey Shore, well maybe some things – dropping her drawers in front of Mike in the very first week. Mike says this is a pretty normal reaction. Well Mike, mine will be staying up.
Now it’s a montage of some interesting moments from this summer. JWoww’s boobs, Deena’s ‘Good Time/Bad Time/Blast From The Past’, the gir’s belching, JWoww’s love for peeing behind things, Vinny and Pauly’s bromance, Mike putting his DTF girls in sweat pants as soon as they get in the house. We come out of the montage to the host saying “You guys do some weird stuff.” Yup.
Julissa calls out Mike’s weird affinity for girls in sweatpants, he says its to make it simpler for the getting down as a girl’s apparatus (bras and such) can cause some obstacles. Julissa burns Mike by pointing out that Mike should know how to take off a bra by now, OOOHHHH BURRRNNNNN!
Spotlight is on Snooki, and Snooki wanted to find love with a hot juice head gorilla. Turns out no one wants to find love in the Jersey Shore, just to get it in. The ‘Vinny and Snooks’ will they/won’t they saga gets brought up. Vinny likes to think of himself as one of the best Snooki has hooked up with, she doesn’t seem too fussed, noting that you can find love at Jersey Shore or you can find love in the library. Vinny quite rightly asks when has Snooki been in a library. (My guess with JWoww when she needed to pee, that’s definitely plausible.) Snooki seems to be over Vinny and calls him out as a jerk off and Sammy pipes in that she thinks that Vinny led her on. Snooki ends it with “You’ve changed bro.”
So now we are onto JWoww, who did a gorilla juicehead upgrade this summer. That she did. Breaking Ron Ron’s only rule, do not fall in love at the shore, she found Roger. Vinny likens her attraction to Roger to when he sees a hot girl in the club with big fake boobs. You’re right Vinny, that DOES sound true love. As of the reunion, JWoww and Roger are still together, and I’m happy to hear it.
We have a situation here, it’s Mike, and his ego. (Can you tell I’m not the biggest fan) They choose to lead with Mike’s affinity for dogs. And they’re not talking about his women (OOOHHH BURN AGAIN MIKE, and that one was all me baby!) Mike has quite the relationship with Lean Cuisine, it’s actually kind of sweet (I don’t take everything back though.)
BROMANCE IS HERE! It’s Pauly D and Vinny. Mike’s still on the couch so they go into what Vinny called him that one time, the Snitchuation. Snitc-oh wait my bad- the Situation defends himself saying if anything he was…and Ron Ron butts in hilariously with The Instigation, yeah buddy! Ron Ron can be a witty dude! Here comes a montage of Mike instigating all over the place. Coming out of the montage Sammi and Mike get into it which leads to Sammi and Ron Ron getting into it. Hey, it’s like old times!
The host wisely moves it on to Pauly D and Vinny to assess the situation (ha). Vinny concludes that what Mike says is mostly true, JWoww concurs and says she’s torn whether Mike is doing it for himself (probably) or for you (probably also).
I feel we have not had enough of Vinny and Pauly D as move onto Deena, but hey they’re still on the couch. Deena is asked how it was being the newbie and she says it’s probably been the best summer she’s had at the shore and she goes there a lot. I can imagine the whole being paid thing really gives you a new perspective on the shore. Deena’s montage is her epic battle with gravity, I sit back and enjoy. I am convinced the funniest thing in the world is people falling over, no contest. This montage is amazing, I cannot pick a favorite fall. The montage turns to her backing it up on the dancefloor and general drunken behavior. Deena, you were an amazing addition to the Jersey Shore, I salute you.
The montage ends with Deena and Snooks waving goodbye to her vomit. Girls, I want to party with you. We come out of the montage and our illustrious host asks Deena “Do you really have no shame?” and Deena is like “Pfft, clearly.” Pauly D chips in ‘That’s why we love her’, Yuppp. The hot mess has a heart.
It’s Sammi’s turn. And the talk turns to the SamRon relationship, which I am kind of bored with now. We all know what happened and that’s what the montage says, whatevs. And now Ron Ron joins Sammi on the couch (maybe they should actually see a therapist?!) They continue to fight and they are no longer together, not right now. Good times.
Oh great, now the host moves onto the Arvin situation. Yayyyy, this again, (sarcasm in italics). JWoww says it was a trainwreck waiting when they got back together when Sammi returned to the Shore. Yuppp. The host seems to be on Sammi’s side, bringing up hooking up in Miami and talking to ex girlfriends. When she puts it like, I’m leaning towards Sammi’s side. Sammi has never cheated on Ron Ron, but he has, and that’s the situation.
Julissa asks the rest of the Shore by the end of the summer how over the SamRon relationship they were. They were OVER. it Me too.
Now its all about being tanned. That’s all you need to know about this montage. The tanner the better. And Snooki doesn’t care if you call her an Oompa Loompa.
That’s it! See you next summer when the Jersey Shore take on Italia! Yeah, buddy!
Written by Polly Holton. Find her on Twitter @pollyrocket
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