JERSEY SHORE season 3 episode 12 Recap – A House Divided

Ish is about to go down, again.

PREVIOUSLY ON…Ron Ron and Sammi get into a huge fight and Snooki cries over Vinny. (This could be the PREVIOUSLY ON every week.)

We are back right in the middle of Ron Ron and Sammi’s gazillionth fight and its exactly the same as before except Sammi is in the wrong this time.

Snooki JWoww and Deena are hanging out in the living room. To lighten the mood, Deenas rolling around in a box, she gets out of it and Snooki punts it across the kitchen cause she likes to “punt sh*t”, Deena’s understandably upset at the box punting. Snooki continues to punt and slips over while Deena gets back in her box, noting that she feels like she “is in a spaceship”. Sitch muses that Deena defies the laws of intelligence, but I’m all for playing in the box, I’ve done that a few times myself it’s great fun. Sitch clearly doesn’t know how to have fun, just stir things up. Deena gets stuck and Sitch remarks that he couldn’t believe that there’s someone who makes Snooki look smart, that almost defies the laws of the universe.

Sammi and Ron Ron are outside talking over the Arvin situation (the kid Sammi hit up while away from the house) Ron Ron isn’t sure know if he loves Sammi anymore and Sammi goes to sleep alone. But you made your bed Sammi, you have to sleep in it.

Vinny wants to go to the burger place for lunch. Snooki is overly alarmed at the mention of burgers, but Vinny assures her they do sandwiches too, and he might even buy her one. Snooki feels calmer about this and decides to go with. It turns into a lunch date. Snooki asks about the beer battered onion rings, with the emphasis on the beer, God love her. Snooki and Vinny start talking about Vinny’s sex life which I predict can only lead to bad things between the two of them. Snooki tells Vinny the girl she was with was gross, Vinny says its seaside, nuff said. Snooki wonders why Vinny chooses these ‘grenades’ when she is right there, Vinny says it’s different cause they see the girls every day. Contrary to belief, the lunch date ends well, though I can only imagine things are going to blow up later.

The boys go to work and Vinny decides to get his ears pierced. Last week it was the tan and now it’s the ears, Vinny is becoming a Jersey Shore man. But Vinny is being a little bitch about getting pierced (his words) though he gets it done, taking it like a “G” (his words again).

The boys go back to the house after work and Deena calls Vinny’s new piercing “adorable”, so not so gangsta now. Plan is on tonight and they’re leaving at 11, though Ron Ron asks Sammi if she’s going out. She doesn’t know so Ron Ron asks if she wants to stay in with a bottle of wine. I can’t believe I’m saying this but this sounds like the most rational decision I’ve ever heard at the Jersey Shore.

Deena’s getting ready and she’s double denim-ing it (a risky choice). It does not go unnoticed by the boys and Vinny cracks a joke, “What’s Deena’s favourite part of Super Mario?” “Denim, Denim, Denim” (to the underground theme from Super Mario.) This week Super Mario references, last week Billy Madison, oh I do love you Jersey Shore.

So the shore go off to Aztec sans Ron Ron and Sammi. Aztec still looks like the dirtiest bar ever but the shore house seem to be having fun. Everything’s going well until Vinny turns round and sees Danielle, Pauly D’s stalker, (for those that don’t remember this girl goes PSYCHO and throws a drink at Pauly in the first season, and her crazy has popped up a few times since). Pauly D wonders why she’s always there saying there’s lots of clubs in seaside, though you would have never have guessed that from the few that the Jersey Shore only seem to go to.

Back at the house, Sammi and Ron Ron are having dinner. Sammi apologizes to Ron Ron and he seems to accept it, he starts to realize a little of what Sammi went through in Miami with his extra curricular shenanigans. Ron Ron says they’ve got trust issues, yes Ron Ron you do. Sammi moves back upstairs with Ron Ron and everything seems to be going well, wink wink. I guess they kissed and made up.

Back at Aztec and Vinny says its the worst he’s ever seen it, lots of grenades and “warriors”. A larger woman starts to hit on Pauly D and he’s scared of an atomic bomb going off, we all are.

Pauly D and Vinny decide to make the best out of a bad situation and just take the girls home and see what happens, though he sounds quite resigned about it all. They’re drinking and hanging out back at the house when there’s a knock at the door. It’s Vinny’s girl’s brother, who seems pretty chill about his sister staying. But Pauly D being the genius he sees this as his way out form his girl, she calls him a dick which he was being, and the girls leave.

It’s just the Jersey Shore now and Vinny starts to drag off Snooki to the bedroom, he turns it into a joke but it’s clear he is DTF, Snooki not so much. Snooki doesn’t want to be anyone’s last resort. She calls out Vinny saying that whenever he’s drunk he’s all over Snooki, Vinny points out that Snooki’s the same when she’s drunk. Though Vinny is acting like a bit of a drunk d-bag, everyone’s saying it.

Somehow a rap battle starts between Sammi and Vinny. This is surreal. Vinny delivers a scathing line and then finishes it off by slipping over in the kitchen, the boy just needs to go to bed.

It’s morning and the Situation, Pauly D and JWoww are off to their last day of work. The Situation is nowhere to be found, he’s in a changing room hiding slash sleeping. He’s found, he’s stuck and he’s fired.

Sammi is going through something I know only too well, the night after sleeping in your contact lenses. I feel your pain, Sammi. Snooki asks Sammi if she slept with Ron Ron last night, Sammi doesn’t say anything, which means yes. Snooki starts to reprimand her but JWoww understands that it’s been a while and sometimes you just have to get it in.

Sammi and Ron Ron go to the doctors for Sammi’s eyes, which doesn’t seem like that big of a deal but whatever. Ron Ron’s mum Connie calls the house and Deena picks up. She sounds drunk and Deena hands the phone to JWoww. Connie starts talking about the Sammi and Ron Ron drama and then wants to talk to the Situation. The Situation uses this opportunity to mention the Arvin/Sammi/Ron Ron drama, oh Sitch.

Deena is making jello shots and Situtation tells the boys about the convo with Ron Ron’s mum. Sammi and Ron Ron walk in and Connie calls again and Ron Ron talks to her. JWoww tells Sammi that the Situation told Connie about the drama and Sammi is ready to beat up some Sitch. Despite everything that Sammi has done, that is a bit shady Sitch.

Ron Ron wants to know more about the actual BBM conversation between Sammi and Arvin. Everyone is trying to figure out who’s in the wrong, the boys decide Sammi and the girls think that Sammi deserves a second chance. Ron Ron thinks that the Sitch is looking out for him, well to some extent.

Sammi faces up to Sitch and wonders why he’s getting involved in her business. Things start to deteriorate into insults and name calling. Sitch says that they should call Arvin and ask him exactly what’s going on so everyone can hear. Sammi looks worried, or really upset, though I actually can’t tell.

The boys are very much on the ‘Sammi’s shady’ wagon, while the girls are very much behind Sammi. A house divided indeed. Sitch gets on the phone with Arvin and he says that they have made out, though to me it’s not clear when this was, but that’s all Ron Ron needs to hear to turn into angry Ron Ron. Ish is about to go down…again.

Written by Polly Holton. Find her on Twitter @pollyrocket

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