There were two reasons to need doggy bags on Jersey Shore season 3 last night.

jersey shore season 3

We’re back at the Jersey Shore and its raining. The boys, well Vinny and Pauly D, are off to Staten Island to visit Vinny’s family, which is an important step in any relationship. Pauly D spends the whole journey to Staten Island singing a song about Staten Island, I really love this kid.

Back at the house, Ron Ron asks where the girls are going, they’re going to do Nails and G.T.L. Ron Ron’s not fully persuaded but JWoww mentions that he could go get his eyebrows done, Ron Ron considers this and then realizes he could even go get a pedicure as well! Ron Ron is sold on the idea and off they go leaving The Situation all on his lonesome in the house.

While everyone is out, Mike The Situation (Sitch) decides that he’s going to let JWoww’s dogs run wild and free throughout the house doing what dog’s do best, then act like he was sleeping the whole time and didn’t realise that they got free. Sitch even goes as far as to make it look like the dogs broke out and manufactures a crime scene. The dogs go out do their thing, pooping and peeing all over the place. Sitch sits back and watches his masterplan take shape. (As a plan, I wonder if Sitch thought through the logistics that HE has to live in a house full of pee and poop as much as his housemates, perhaps I’m giving him too much credit.)

Vinny and Pauly D sit down to eat with Vinny’s family and I have to say the spread looks amazing, take me to Staten Island. They head off laden down with doggy bags for the rest of the house. With what they’re about to encounter back at the house it seems like they’re going to need a different kind of doggy bag, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

Sitch is back at the house waiting for the others to get back. As soon as he sees their car pull up he runs upstairs for the last part of his dastardly masterplan. The others are back and they smell and then see all the pee and poop everywhere. Sammi informs us that she can’t deal with poop (who can?) Deena gets her Veronica Mars on and discovers that the dogs smell like Sitch. Uh oh, busted. Sitch comes down, feigning having just woke up, but nothing gets past our Jersey girls. They know what went down, we know what went down, the Sitch knows what went down – and nothing much happens after that.

Vinny and Pauly D get back and everyone starts getting ready for Karma. Snooki lets us know that she’s getting it in tonight and Pauly D lets us know, in my most favourite way, that the ‘cab is here!’ and off to Karma we go.

At Karma, Snooki meets a guy that seems to meet all her requirements, a last name that ends with a vowel and a tan. Snook is going to get it in. While this is going on, Sammi and Ron Ron are getting down on the dancefloor looking like things are getting back on the up and up between them. Everyone walks home, Snooki falls over, cuts her knee, and is carried by her man home.

Back at the house Sammi decides she doesn’t want to get back into it with Ron Ron tonight and they go to their separate beds. Snooki’s man takes care of her in the bathroom and she rewards him with some sexy time.

Next day, JWoww, Ron Ron and Sammi are up and about to go tanning when Vinny decides he needs to do something about being the whitest housemate at the Jersey Shore. Vinny goes into the tanning booth and has the good graces to say that while it was happening he did look like a bit of a tool but he admires the final product, JWoww notes that he finally looks like he belongs now.

On the way home, JWoww spots her ‘friend’ Roger’s car and tries to catch his attention, the car ignores her. Vinny muses that maybe Roger is ignoring JWoww because he doesn’t want to be caught with another girl in the car. A seed of doubt is planted in JWoww’s mind and as soon as they get home she leaves a scathing message on Roger’s phone calling him out.

Over a dinner lovingly prepared by Vinny and Pauly, the shoremates talk about the Roger thing when suddenly JWoww realises that maybe Roger didn’t pick up his phone earlier because he was getting a haircut. JWoww suddenly has her tail between her legs. (Insert joke about between the legs and the jersey shore, answers on the back of a postcard.)

After dinner, the boys go upstairs to terrace to fly some toy helicopters. Downstairs, Deena slides into the living room and does the splits which I thought was very impressive. While the boys are upstairs, the girls see this as the perfect opportunity to pull a prank on the boys by way of water balloons.

It’s water balloon mayhem, with the boys fighting back pretty hard, though Vinny is trying to avoid being hit because of his tan. The girl’s retreat to inside where Deena slips over in her waterproof poncho which isn’t as impressive as before but equally as hilarious.

The war continues, stools are flying, balloons are flying and girls get thrown into the hot tub. Possibly one of my favourite moments of the season happens when Pauly chucks Deena into the hot tub and yells “O’Doyle Rules!” The Billy Madison fan in me is smiling so hard right now. Interjected with all the fun is Sammi commenting on how much fun her and Ron Ron are having together. After the war has subsided, Roger calls back JWoww and rightly blasts her for jumping to conclusions though it seems JWoww has managed to hold onto Roger for a little while longer.

Morning at the Jersey Shore, Ron Ron and Sammi are talking about their relationship, again. They both agree that they’re better people now and that maybe they should give it another go, Sammi says she’s scared of what might happen, she should be.

Outside, Sammi talks to JWoww and Snooki about maybe getting back together with Ron Ron. Though they say nothing outright to her, you can tell they’re not thrilled about it, worrying that Sammi won’t be fun anymore. JWoww sums it all up by saying “it’s just the same sh*t different toilet with Ron and Sam.” Couldn’t agree with you more JWoww.

Later that day, the house go to Jenkinsons which is another boardwalk on the coast, but for the girls it’s reassuringly gorilla central. Though JWoww has a theory, that all the guys there are H.F.F.A (Hot From Far Away), JWoww compares them to the aquarium next door. At the aquarium next door, Ron Ron, Sammi and Sammi’s friends meet some penguins. The guide asks the group what kind of animal is a penguin, Ron Ron and Sammi think mammal. They are reassuringly wrong, it’s a bird. All is right at the Jersey Shore.

After a thoroughly wholesome day at the boardwalk, talk turns to going out. Snooki has broken out on her face and Sitch gives her a facial (Jeez, not like that, you guys are dirty minded!) Snooki looks like a mime, Vinny and Pauly yell out situations for her to act out. It’s improv class, Jersey style.

The plan for tonight is Karma (…so, just like every other night?) and Sitch informs us that the taxi’s are here. Sitch, that’s not how you do it, leave it to the pro’s. Pauly corrects him: Cabs is here!!!

At Karma, Sitch runs into an old friend, Arvin, who says that Sammi arranged to meet him there. Sitch decides to stir it up but covers his tracks by talking it out with JWoww first. They go over the details, it starts to feel like a crime procedural. Sitch and JWoww tell the other guys and gals, sans Ron Ron. Sitch wants to follow bro code and tell Ron Ron and Snooki wants to follow girl code and ask Sammi whats going on before anyone tells Ron Ron anything.

Sammi is adament that she didn’t text Arvin, but then goes on to say they were only talking because they are also old friends too. Arvin’s a popular guy. Sammi wants to go and confront Arvin and Sitch, Ron Ron doesn’t know what to believe except for that he doesn’t believe Sammi, go figure.

Sammi and Ron Ron 3.0 (or 4.0? who knows) yell at each other, Sammi yells at Sitch and everyone goes home. As Vinny walks in he yells “No Grenades!” triumphantly, but there is a huge bomb about to go off between Ron Ron, Sammi and Sitch.

Sitch starts to break down the situation with Pauly and Vinny. Pauly is all about the acronyms, GTF, Gym Tan and Find out who Sammi is texting. When he hears Sammi’s excuse that Arvin is just a friend, Pauly switches it to GTI, Gym Tan and I’m not buying that. I fall in love with Pauly D a little bit more. Pauly and Vinny go into the living room, sit back with some snacks and watch the drama unfold.

Ron Ron is all depressed on the couch, Vinny stirs it up, hilariously, singing ‘shady, shady, aftermath’. Sammi fights back at Sitch saying that he is the shadiest person in the house, (some pot calling the kettle tan, but I am inclined to agree with her). Ron Ron calls Sammi Shady, and I’ve lost track at who isn’t shady right now. Sammi keeps saying that Arvin is just a friend but Ron Ron points out that Sammi only hit him up once she left the house so how good of a friend is her?

Sammi and Ron Ron have a massive fight, again. Everything is back to normal at the Jersey Shore.

For more at the Jersey Shore, come back next week.

Come find me @pollyrockett

PEACE

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