JERSEY SHORE Recap: They SHOULD Just Break Up Already, Jeebus

Oh, the trials of living in a house with two certifiably crazy people. It can’t be easy for our Jersey Shore gang to endure living with Ronni and Sammi and their “relationship” which evolves by the hour into a makeup/breakup fiesta of crap.

Seriously, JWOWW, Snooki, Paul D, Vinnie, Deena and The Situation are all going to need therapy.

In The Jersey Shore season 3 episode 6 “Should We Just Break Up” there were a few things especially noteworthy.

Here, I’ll walk you through what has stayed on my mind:

Ronnie got his ass checked, because it was bleeding. Turns out, he drinks too much. I have a feeling the producers must have told Sammi what was going on, because as they cut to images of Ron getting probed, Sammi sat in the waiting room (dutiful, clingy girlfriend that she is) smirking and smirking.

Snooki met a guy she liked! A gorilla juicehead who was Italian! But he had been “engaged” with a promise ring once before, and since he wasn’t “new/fresh” Snooki decided she was done with him. That’s a pretty quick dismisal for a girl who complains and genuinley hates being single so much. Oh Snooki, why oh why? You don’t want any signs of future commitment potential? Or did he just have a small dingaling? Not that she’d remember. She didn’t even remember that he had a tongue ring. We saw him catch himself as he almost says, “I was putting it on your cli-!”

Deena brought up masturbation in a car ride with Snooki and JWoww. It seemed to come out of the blue, but while Snooki and Deena egged the convo on, JWoww was unphased. To be fair: all of them owned up to it, and had no problem with that. Snooki also said she spent an entire day masturbating and then could hardly walk the next day.

Ronnie had his friends come to the clubs, and Deena liked one of them. Even though she made a big deal about only wanting to cuddle (that is code for foreplay, c’mon) and how it wasn’t Halloween so she wasn’t giving away free candy or a golden ticket – she still did.

Pauly D made up with his stalker, Danielle, and proved he’s hilarious by pretending to be an answering machine on the phone. When Snooki didn’t want to talk to the dude from the previous day, Pauly D ran offensive for her and also suggested he buy her some roses and fried pickles. What do you think the odds are of a flower shop on the shore starting up a “Snooki Special” of a delivery of a dozen red roses and six fried pickles?

Snooki, never to be upstaged, fell asleep in a dog pen.

Ronnie proved himself to be an ass with comments like, “What DON’T I do for Sam? Besides wipe her ass and breathe for her.”

Outraged that anyone could be taking the spotlight, Snooki seems to be going out of her way to say crazy things. She talked to the camera about why the ocean is salty – whale sperm. She even dared us to google it. If you google it now, you’ll probably only find reviews of this Jersey Shore episode, since there is very little other evidence online of people linking “whale sperm” to the phrase “salty ocean.”