john mayer

Jay Leno made a joke last night about John Mayer, in reference to something Mayer told Rolling Stone. I have the quote handy because I have access to this thing here called the Internet.

John Mayer in Rolling Stone: “I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life. The phone doesn’t pick up because I’m masturbating. And I have excused myself at the oddest times so as to not make mistakes. If Tiger Woods only knew when to jerk off. It has a true market value, like gold bullion. First of all, I don’t jerk off because I’m horny. I’m sort of half-chick. It’s like District 9. I can fire alien weapons. I can insert a tampon. No, I do it because I want to take a brain bath. It’s like a hot whirlpool for my brain, in a brain space that is 100 percent agreeable with itself.”

The joke is lame. Mayer’s honesty in his interview, however,  is refreshing. Like Leno wasn’t doing some stress relief of his own during all of this Leno/Conan stuff. Please. …Also, ew. Mental picture back on Mayer, quick, quick!