Let’s get this out of the way: the fashion in this episode was mostly horrendous when it wasn’t yawn-worthy and mereley passable. (Unless we’re talking about what Chuck wore, in which case we can all type “LMFAO.”) Ugh. But there were still a few fun things. Check out our Gossip Girl Season 6 Episode 4 review of “Portrait of a Lady Alexander.” Who, fyi, was a horse.

What follows is a live recap of the episode.

You , six years of Gossip Girl and we’ve still never changed that first image of Serena at the start. Blair could never start off an episode? That has always irked me.

How do you get over Nate dating this tiny child girl? Sage looks like she’s thirteen.

Georgina Sparks has become Dan’s publicist.

The first bit we see of Serena in this episode are her …bits. Her two bits. Which are big bits. I’m trying to talk about her honka honkas, guys. And there’s a reason we call her Boobs Legsly, okay?

Barry Watson, you didn’t know Nate and Serena were an item in the past? Has he never read Gossip Girl?

Serena is no longer a rebellious teen, she’s like a very young Real Housewife of New York. How sad for he that she has no life. That’s what happens when you give up your education and don’t even run any charities. But I still think the women on these Housewives shows are more interesting than Serena.

Wow. They’re going to dress Chuck Bass in mint green polka dot bow tie and pocket square, lavender check shirt and tiny rose on his lapel, and he’s still not gay?

Eric is at Sarah Lawrence but still reading Gossip Girl?

I wish I was rich, then I’d have a horse named “Lady Alexander.”

MLS shout-out.

Blair is dressed in bleh browns. Yuck.

The artist featured is Brian Batt. A real artist. He does a modern kind of Monet or Serat thing where the pieces are fuzzier up close.  I think it’s sad the show didn’t make more of a big deal about this guest appearance, even with a line about the artist Chuck and Blair went to see as being someone real and important rather than an actor.  I encourage you to check out some of his art here. To sway you, I’ll mention that John Krasinski and Reese Witherspoon are fans of his work.

A horse show always means a chance for big, weird hats. I am not sure why English people get to wear hats all the time but we never do.

“Airing out her pits.” That is not a very Blair Waldorf thing to say. Stop ruining her!

Wow. Sage’s hat. So ugly.

That Princess Jasmine comment was kind of racist, no?

And Blair is sleeping in … a silk green hair wrap to look like Katharine Hepburn? I guess maybe she’d pull it down over her eyes like a sleep mask?

The show is so unfair to tease me and other smart fans about Dair. Sigh. I thought earlier I was just reading into it but the show is definitely trying to play on our emotions with it. And (SPOILER) I am pretty sure I saw spoiler images of Blair and Chuck getting married in the finale.

Fashion Notes:

Lily’s green dress was great. Blair’s outfit was… very costumey/equestrian. Serena’s peach/orange bandage dress was okay if not obvious, but her purple dress later was awful. The one dress I liked was worn by the Sheik’s daughter when she went to visit Chuck in the end.

In terms of plot:

  • Dan was sleeping around with lots of groupies, but has now decided to focus on pining over Blair.
  • Chuck has discovered his father broke the way in a big way and wants to expose him.
  • Nate is bad at business and money.
  • Serena slept with her lover’s daughter’s boyfriend, and Serena’s Mom slept with Serena’s current boyfriend. Basically everyone has slept with everyone and it’s incestuous beyond what we thought was a big deal with Rufus/Lily were married and Serena/Dan were dating.
  • Georgina has the sex tape of S/D.

Pictures: The CW

Written by Jessica Rae for Small Screen Scoop. Find her on Twitter @ThisJessicaRae.