Before you go buy a polka dot top and a black parasol, check out this recap of Gossip Girl season 6 episode 1, “Gone Maybe Gone”.

gossip girl season 6

One of the best things about Gossip Girl had been Dair. Dan and Blair. And then, whoosh, they were over. Making all of my dreams sink down the drain in a dismal puddle of muddy yuck.

serena van der woodsen

On the upside? Serena and Blair are full on fighting again. Which brings us full circle. And, wow, I’m having flashbacks to the very first Gossip Girl book I ever read. You know, the one where Chuck is possibly gay and always wears a scarf and has a pet monkey on his shoulder.

But we had to start this season off with Blair in that hideous orange dress, making out with Chuck?

Oh look, Georgina has a black fan just like Christina Aguilera. But she’s upped the crazy with a black parasol. Is this what you’d wear in Italy? Paris, yes. The Italian Countryside? They should at least be white.

“You shouldn’t be creating in a workshop, you’re not an elf.” – Georgina to Dan

“Underwood?” – Dan
“Dios mio. Have you learned nothing? Technology means hackers. We’re going old school.” – Georgina

Penn Badgley fixed his awful hair! Or someone made him. I don’t know if we can give him the credit for it.

Fun pun overlapping. Kudos.

“Do that again.” – Blair

Oh, right. Lily and Bass are back. All married and WASPy.

The Van Der Woodsen’s mail is so unorganized. …And Lily hasn’t talked to her daughter all summer? And she wonders why she gets called a bad Mom?

I think this actress was on the US Skins. She looks like Jessica Szhor. Will we ever see Vanessa again?

Here’s Blair at her best… in a perfect outfit and matching hat, legs daintily crossed, confidence soaring, with macaroons.

If my assistant was bossing me around like that I’d probably be more annoyed than Blair. She’s fine with it. Eh.

A beret in Paris is a bit on the nose, but I’ll allow it.

“Georgina. I should have known it was you by the sound of that disdainful silence.” – Blair

So, Gossip Girl exploited Serena and…now Dan will? Sounds like a super great

SVDW is dead. – Gossip Girl

blair waldorf

Chuck and Blair are no longer together? Bahahaha. …Ugh, except not. I am making this angry Blair face. I’ll use it twice, that’s how much I’m making it!

leighton meester

Polka dots are so very Blair. I love a nice polka dot.

Pedmont… whatveer. No longer the Ostroff Center, huh?

“We’re never going to discover Serena’s secrets in her loofah!” – Blair

“There’s only so many ways this goes. Kidnap/Ransom, Torture/Murder or Brainwash/Cult!” – Blair

Blair thinks finally, maybe she’s hurt Serena? Gah. …Yes, this is a full on hate watch, I think. I can’t give up on Gossip Girl now. But so much of the plot annoys me!

Ivy is really playing house with Rufus. And he’s moving? Oh, gallery. Shrug.

An NBC shout-out?

blake lively

“Full on slut spiral!” – Georgina, giving us a new phrase to use.

“Serena’s is not Country Strong.” – Blair (Nice bit for Leighton Meester to say.)

Serena is now Sabrina. I wonder if Blair is jealous because that was one of Audrey Hepburn’s best roles?

7th Heaven Alum in the hizz-ouse!

blake lively

Gasp, a mention of Jenny? Serena should have run off to go find Jenny, really. That would have been fun.

I do love Ivy being a brat to Lily. I feel like she’s a mini Blair.

“Either she’s the bride or she’s just really tacky.” – Blair

Serena has not re-made herself too much, she’s still the girl who puts her breasts on display like that. That’s not just some cleavage, or a measly miracle bra at work. That’s like, like she has a photoshop mirage on her at all times.

Meester’s hair looks really great. She dresses demure but she’ll still throw down. That’s something to respect about her.

“You forget. I seduced a man of the cloth before. I can do it again.” – Georgina, being one of the best characters on Gossip Girl.

Okay, I really love all these scenes with the whole group invading this random house. But I would have liked to see Dan stealing some appetizers. He never really learned how to mooch properly off of these wealthy fools.

“I can buy anything. It’s one of the chief perks of being really rich.” – Bart Bass, explaining why it is that I, too, want to be really rich.

“Wisconsin? Seriously? Do you even know where that is on a map?” – Dan, and btw where IS Wisconsin again? Do they still have… cheese?

Am I wrong or is Serena’s wedding dress kind of yellow? Hmm. I was not wrong. And it almost looks like she had an accident in it. In the picture above, it looks normal. But on film, it looked all ombre and… wrong.

It’s not a wedding? Maybe we’re due for a sacrifice via calm upper crusty cult madness, after all!

“Not rooting, snooping!” – Georgina

“He’s Protestant. I do my best work with Catholics.” – Georgina

“No, no. We will raise nothing!” – Blair, reminding us why we love her.

gossip girl season 6

Oh, it’s a wedding but not hers. Okay.

“So I didn’t lose you to Chuck, I lost you to the idea of Chuck?” – Dan, making such a damn good point!

Go Dan, go! I love Dan with Blair. And the idea of putting pause on things, for when Chuck decides… that is pretty controlling and jerky.

gossip girl season 6

Living a good life is the best revenge. Serena has figured this out.

Serena IS the love of Blair’s life. The show is about them more than anyone else. Or at least it should be.

It is nice to see Blair and Chuck in a limo again. Even though I’m not a fan of Chair.

“It’s the boy that blames the girl. Not the man.” – Chuck, being annoying.

Oh, hey, an engagement ring? Didn’t they both have enough near death experience to decide to Carpe Diem or YOLO?

Blair’s engagement ring! Cushion cut with baguettes in platinum.

“No one can ruin this. No matter how hard they’re gonna try.” – Serena, acting like she’s never seen this show before.

Rufus and Ivy isn’t that scandalous. Eh. Were they in a dirty old afghan? That’s what I take offense to.

What did you all think of this episode?


Gossip Girl

Gossip Girl Season 6 | Gossip Girl “Gone Maybe Gone” Recap

Photo Credit: The CW via Giovanni Rufino

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Follow TV Critic Jessica Rae on Twitter @ThisJessicaRae.