Inside this Gossip Girl Review: The failings of fictional French Royalty, charting bromance potential and the “Gatsby” of it all.

Level with me, guys. Did a lot of people actually see the movie “All the Pretty Horses“? I deemed it as a passable movie experience back in the day. However, “All the Pretty Sources” really was the perfect title for this Gossip Girl season 5 episode. What can I say, it’s gone me wondering if I should revisit this Matt Damon and Penelope Cruz movie from 2000. Let me know if you think it’s worth a watch or my time would be better spent re-watching some Gossip Girl season 2. (Or the Julia Roberts and Mel Gibson movie “Conspiracy Theory” because that movie, be honest, never gets old. Also that song “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You” just came on Pandora, so it’s in my mind…)

Prince Louis returned to Blair last night to inform her that her friends simply didn’t have her best interests at heart. Isn’t that nice? I think Gossip Girl is gearing up for a patented Lifetime TV movie plot where the controlling boyfriend secludes his girlfriend/wife from her old friends and moves her to a foreign country to be part of his brothel. I know it doesn’t seem like a French Prince would have a brothel, but I always imagined actual French Princes to be so much better than Louis that I wouldn’t be surprised if he disappoints in plenty of other ways.

Dan and Chuck explored their bromance potential since Nate is caught up in a boring storyline with Liz Hurley. Dan truly is an outsider, making the bromance he had with Nate, and the growing one with Chuck, an interesting odd couple situation. It’s the exact reason that I, and so many other Gossip Girl fans, want Dan and Blair to be together. The inexplicable allure of the love/hate that Chuck and Blair once had has transferred to the even wider gap between perpetual odd couple Dan and Blair. (Dair! Dare to Dair, dammit! People have wanted/seen a window this from Gossip Girl season 1, even.) Despite the fact that Dan didn’t want to get a haircut (it would have been in his best interest) or change his clothing, Chuck still acted like a sponsor for the unraveling lonely boy who didn’t realize he was in love with Blair.

When Chuck broke the headline to Dan, our cynical Chuck didn’t bat an eye. Either he thinks Dan doesn’t stand a chance, or he’s stopped caring about having a romance with Blair. Or maybe both? The latter wouldn’t be the worst thing for him. “Gatsby” didn’t have a happy ending, you know? Yearning for a lost love isn’t the best plan. Of course, Dan is so much more of a Gatsby than Chuck is. But let’s not quabble over all the possible details, because I haven’t even eaten lunch yet.

ICYMI: Also on the CW last night, Lemon Breeland (Jaime King) wore pants. It’s kind of scandalous for her, you know? Gasp, gasp, etc.

Best Quotes

  • “I should warn you. He’s trained to go after fake Prada.” – Chuck
  • “Did someone famous die?” – Blair’s Minion #3 (Whenever I see a celebrity name trending on Twitter I always assume they’re dead. I’m not a total pessimist. The glass is half full – just of arsenic.)
  • “I told you to get some ass. Not make one of yourself.” – Chuck to Dan, or to himself about 3 episodes ago.

Grade: … eh. B-? They mentioned Eric! But Blair’s maternity wear is going to be hilarious (not stylish), you can already tell. And Serena wore a frayed-looking pink ribbon in her hair. That demotes that entire Tiffany’s Shower.

React: Do you like Blair and Dan?

Gossip Girl airs Mondays on The CW

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