I’ve missed Brittany S. Pierce so much. She knows how Santa feels? I’ll dig it. “Who are you talking to?” “I thought I was doing a voiceover.”

“It’s Britney, bitch.” That will never get old.

First dance number! “Hold it Against Me” by Britney Spears. Lot sof props, lots of Cheerios. Heather Morris will show them all how it’s done! Fast, high-energy editing. Digging it, digging it. But what is that red prop thing in their hands? Is it weird that I don’t know? Looks like a red crutch, but maybe it’s a cheerleader accessory?

Tough Love from Sue? That’s all she knows

C+ is respectable in Math.

F- is hitherto undiscovered? Psh. Happyville, the town where Math was never invented? I want to go to there, as Liz Lemon would say.

Who is marrying a squirrel?

Losing a high pony?! NOOOO. Kitty sucks. …Santana, though! Did she say scissor skype? Ha! “I’m not speaking ot you,I know you joined a gang.” PRECIOUS.

Kate Hudson is here, talking about the tango and sex. Rachel Berry doesn’t know about being sexy, though.

World’s Best Grandma? Nice.

So You Look Like Crap – pamphlet

Feline Depression?

Cashews and bacon?

She’s really, really good at voiceovers.

We need to bring Britney back. Let’s do it!

Artie and Blaine doing “Slave 4 U” – No one else has ever sung Britney Spears in a a sweatervest. But, damn, Darren Criss is sexy. Oh, it’s a mash-up? Justin Bieber “Boyfriend” action.

rachel berry britney spearsNY Dominos vs Lima Dominos. Ha.

Vogue.com? Maybe as a lowly intern…Kurt. Not even Carrie Bradshaw could just waltz in and work there… I wonder if that’s why Sarah Jessica Parker is going to be in this episode at all? For … being at Vogue? I don’t know.

I love that Cassie July (Kate Hudson) has a backstory. YouTube can really be damning, ha!

Not to be a brat, but I really don’t want to see Rachel Berry being sexy. (Lea Michele can be sexy, but not Rachel Berry!)

Unique is singing “Womanizer” for Marley. Hm. Now Tina is involved a bit. Marley/Jake are destined, and I guess this is how the show is trying to introduce these new characters to us in a way we’ll accept them… even though change is hard and sucks. But who is that ginger in the teal cardigan? Is that Jayma Mays as Emma?! Why would she be there? IF not, why do they have someone who looks just like her as an extra high school gal? Confusing!

It’s hard for me to like anything with these new people… I’m all nostalgic and stubborn.

Okay, an acoustic version of … “Three” – I had to google the title. I like this, the way it sounds, a lot. We’ve got Tina, Sam, Jesus boy… yup. Tina’s voice is one of my favorites. Or I should say, Jenna Ushkowitz’s voice.

This umbrella hitting paparazzi thing and head shaving attempt is very on the nose. I wonder if Britney Spears was told this would be in the show. “Leave Britney Alone!” The guy who did that is now like, some kind of male stripper or something.

“(You Drive Me) Crazy” is such a fun song… so of course they’ve made it super mellow. Sigh. But I guess I kind of like how it’s romantic for Marley and Jake. And now it’s a mash-up… Some Aerosmith. I actually love this scene, now. Strong voices. Sweet scenery.

Kiki is Siri’s super smart older cousin… What size coffee is that? Only 70 ounces of espresso.

Yelling at the shrubs… ha.

Kristen Stewart and James Earl Jones

There’s no way Berry would get other dances help her out. This is NYC. They’d just shove past her unless she was offering money!

So, she’s doing “Oops I Did it Again.” Re-invented a bit. And the choreography is actually fairly sexy. I dig the movements with the shadowy lights and the different audio for this track… nice use of the tables as props. Lea Michele still has a very pure voice, though. Maybe if she powered through Christina Aguilera style, or added a rasp I’d believe the sexy part? Yea, insult your teacher. Good job. I side with Cassie here!

The situation of Marley and her Mom makes me really sad.

Jake and Noah Puckerman. Maybe they had to bring in new chars since some people like Mark Salling are looking too old for high school. SIGH. Wait, we’ve got some quote gems. First threesome at seven and once he beat up a police horse? HA. Love Puck quotes.

This Samsung Galaxy S3 commercial mocks iPhone so hard, and I kind of feel swayed towards Samsung for real. I’m not a brand nerd for Apple, you know?

We’ve also got a trailer for Pitch Perfect… which is going to be amazing even if Anna Kendrick seems uber boring no matter what she’s doing. “Crushed it!”

And here’s a promo to tell us that Bing is better than Google. And it might be true.

“I wish to address the rumor that I like to be milked like a cow.” Ha. Principal Figgins.

Cheeto hands and cheeto mouth!

She has orange pop out there with her… loving it. It’s like she’s drunk… on carbs and sugar. Sue should have never dropped her, man!

Yea, they know she’s lip synching. Blaine looks concerned!


Close the curtain, Blaine! You’re the moral center of this group now!

Never been such a debacle? YEA RIGHT. Didn’t they lip synch during the Glee 3D concert? You’ve gotta save your voices and stuff.

Kate Hudson is so pretty I cannot stand it.

Of COURSE Rachel Berry is wearing a purple beret.

What’s funny is that what Cassie July is saying is so appropriate for the people who audition on X Factor and act like jerks. People will never hire you after they see you throw a water bottle at the crew!

“I don’t believe in second chances, I know they don’t exist.” – Cassie July

“Thanks for drawing a map.” – Brittany S. Pierce Quotes

Wow, that’s a big Pop Tarts box. Stronger, huh? I think I can tell what song she’ll sing…

Sam is such a sweet guy on this show. Even though I heard Chord Overstreet might be a jerk. Who knows.

“Yes, we had interesting lady sex.” – Brittany S. Pierce Quotes

“It’s all part of the comeback.” – Brittany

Legal requirement to restore the high pony? Nice.

“I drafted an executive order…” in crayon.

“This is clearly the plan of an idiot.” – Sue

Glenn Close = George Washington

I want to write in a secret language I invented in middle school, dammit.

Brody brought flowers. That’s subtle. They’re pink/purpleish. He jokes, but all flowers ARE sexy. Brody tried to kiss Rachel – aah. Obvious it was coming, but yea. I’d forget Finn for Brody. In a snap. In fact, Finn who?

I think I like Marley and Jake more than I ever liked Rachel and Finn. Jake is dating Kitty, huh? Ever the Quinn. Ugh, Jake. Whatta jerk! Way to break her little heart.

Tina doing the hair moustahe is very much like me.

Oh, of course Marley wants to sing again. It’s singing warfare! And this song is probably the worst Britney one! It’s such a “poor me” song that seems needy.

How is the show going to keep showing Rachel and Kurt in NYC when the show is about the Glee club in Lima?

This is a depressing ending.

So long, Finn. Depressing.

Britney 2.0.

Where was SJP? Next week? Ugh.

‘Glee’ Season 4 Episode 3 ‘Makeover’

Photo Credit: Mike Yarish/FOX – Lea Michele collage from Broadway.com

Glee “Britney 2.0” Review

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Follow TV Critic Jessica Rae on Twitter @ThisJessicaRae.

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