Spoiler: Eric Decker has a hairy intergluteal cleft.

eric and jessie

Eric and Jessie : Game On. Photo Credit: E!

Jessie James and Eric Decker have a new E! reality show. Which, if you watch E! for even one hour, you undoubtedly know about from all the promos.

Eric and Jessie : Game On Recap

Jessie James and her BFF (Jessica) go to the Wynn Nail Spa, and strictly for the camera Jessie tells us how important she is and all about her past. Listen, we can’t fault her for doing this because:

1. Not a ton of people know who she is.
2. For a show like this, you need some exposition to say what’s happened, yada.
3. All reality show do this. Especially E! shows.

Anyway. What we learned is also best said in a bullet point form!

1. She’s toured with The Jonas Brothers. (Who, incidentally, kind of have an E! reality show.) She’s also toured with Kid Rock. (And those two bands make no sense.)
2. She dated a real jerk before Eric, who goes by “you-know-who.” It was a horrible relationship, and she cried all the time. (Not John Mayer.)
3. She’s making a record.
4. She’s been working and touring nonstop.
5. Eric has a hairy in the butt crack. And she love sit.

Jessie has a younger sister, who is adorable. She’s 22 and a virgin. She reminds me of someone… OH! That actress from The Lying Game! Who’s name is… Alice Greczyn!

We get two minutes of seeing Eric and his drama of possibly being a free agent aned contracts and blah blah – hey, he has a cheesy football iphone cover!

Then we see Jessie and all her girls as she tries on her wedding dress again. It’s a huge, poofy concoction that might actually (and I can’t believe I’d ever say this) but too full of a ball gown. Will she have sex in the dress, on her wedding night? “If he can find the hole,” she says.

As the pair sit in their ginormous bathtub full of bubbles, they drink champagne and discuss the possibility of moving out of Dallas. They are extremely amorous…

Eric talks about how he needs the rock of his wife with him, traveling along. But she has her own career. Hopefully she doesn’t give it up.

On previews for the season, there’s lots of baby drama. Of course, we learned this September that Jessie is pregnant. Spoiler!

This is the kind of show that you’ll hate-watch. Why? Because you’re thinking they’re idiots who are luckily rich, and therefore easy to hate.

P.S. You can enter the #BestProposalContest on E! Online.

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