Rock Week on Dancing with the Stars kicked off with a lukewarm Paso Doble by Audrina. But that’s no surprise to us, since Audrina always lacks passion. The real shocker was how Jennifer Grey continues to perform badly, despite her obvious talent.

Audrina Patridge and Tony: (Paso Doble) Tony called Audrina a, “sweet, wholesome girl.” Um. Has he seen “The Hills”? I felt like it lacked animation most of the time. Len said she has great potential but it every week it lacks “the character of the dance.” That’s exactly how I felt. Bruno also agreed. He told her to mention a man-eating Spanish beauty like Eva Mendes and Eva Longoria. Carrie Ann agreed with them, but also said she’d improved a lot since week one. Score: 24

Kyle Massey and Lacey Schwimmer: (Tango) I find Lacey Schwimmer incredibly annoying. I also found her outfit incredibly ugly. Bruno said the footwork was very improved, and he loved it. Carrie Ann said it was entertaining and that he has “Kyle style.” Len said, “I’m not going to sack you, I’m going to back you tonight.” He also noted that his dancing is “performance driven” which is why the audience likes it. I felt meh about it. Score: 23

Jennifer Grey and Derek Hough: (Paso Doble) They did great, despite having a silly song that was not Rock ‘N Roll but did have the phrase “Rockstar” in it. Carrie Ann said the dance was disjointed and that Jennifer is going downhill. I thought the dance was good, but that it was without a balance. That’s really too bad, because Grey is talented. Len said there was too much gusto and a loss of control. Bruno noted she got the rage right, but she was like a woman who was all “get off me!” In slow motion replay we saw the end had several stumbles. I think the pressure has really gotten to her, so she’s overworking herself. Score: 20

Rick Fox and Cheryl Burke: (Tango) Rick sported a gray (probably supposed to read as silver) faux hawk. Bruno said he was like a Mohican on the warpath. I feel, like Carrie, that Rick looks very stern. They flashed to …Martha Stewart in the audience? Haha. Score: 24

Bristol Palin and Mark Ballas: (Tango) Bristol was hoping to prove she had technique and personality on the dance floor. I think she proved she has technique, but that’s all. Carrie Ann called it “ridiculously amazing.” Len said, “last week a chimp, this week almost a champ.” I felt the costumes made no sense (I’d expected something a la The Beatles), and the song had nothing to do with Rock. When your dance, costumes and song aren’t Rock, I want to know why you do this during Rock Week. Score: 23

Kurt Warner and Anna: (Paso Doble) Brett Michaels came by rehearsals to help him out…okay, sure, that made sense. I feel like Kurt danced really well. I adore this pair. Carrie Ann said the dance was scruffy and was without polish. Len said it was awkward to watch. Bruno said he looked like he was doing karate and all the lines were wrong. He followed,  “You looked like Jackie Chan. We want …Banderas.” The audience booed the judges scores. Score: 18

Brandy and Maksim: (Tango) Brandy was wearing the worst costume I’ve seen all season, with silver spandex pants that had a long skirt section on just one half of her body. She also had a Snooki poof. Len said that Maks was his hero, and this was the dance of the night. Bleh. Bruno said Brandy was like Tina Turner in Mad Max. Carrie Ann said she got goosebumps, but did see some tiny missteps. Score: 26

Then the four minute long dance marathon began, where legal lifts were allowed. Kurt and Anna were asked to leavae first. Then Bristol and Mark, Rick and Cheryl, Kyle and Lacey, Audrina and Tony, and Jennifer and Derek. This left Brandy and Maks, a sour taste in my mouth as Maks took yet another swat at Brandy’s behind.