Tonight Dancing with the Stars gave us the mysterious “instant dance” where they know their dance, but don’t hear the music until an hour before they perform. As the judges explained this, we saw slow motion camera of Brandy exhaling with frustration. What is the challenge here? They didn’t have to create a new dance, but they had to put it to the new music. I suspect this is harder than it sounds. This is also the first time this was ever done on DWTS. Len said that this could lead to a “dance disaster.” DANCE DISASTER, OH NOES.

Kyle Massey and Lacey Schwimmer: (Viennese Waltz) Wow, they danced to that suuuuper old Anna Nalick “Breathe” song that I had only just finally gotten out of my head. Thanks, DWTS.  Lacey’s dress seemed to be for a bride who was also celebrating St. Patrick’s Day. Len said that last week he saw a little bud, and this week a gorgeous orchid. Yea, that’s a freaky thing to say. Bruno said that everyone was charmed. I actually didn’t watch Kyle at all, because the dress was really annoying me. Carrie Ann said her crush on Kyle was back and it was like dancing on clouds and watching a fairytale come to life. Does she have a certain amount of cliches she has to say every night, or what? What’s the deal there?

Instant Dance: Good Golly Miss Molly (Jive)

We saw a promo here where Jennifer Grey complained (which is warranted, if would complain if I were in pain or even if I wasn’t!) and a Doctor consulted with her and said she should give up the competition. That is an easy choice! I know everyone wants to win, but is it worth permanently damaging yourself? UH, no! Jennifer Grey, you’re better than this! I say this with all love: I wish she’d quit. She’s my favorite, but the pain is not worth it. She does know there’s no cash prize, right?

Jennifer Grey and Derek Hough: (Quickstep) I loved how old fashioned and romantic this felt with the music and the gorgeous feathered dress. It made me want to watch that Amy Adams movie…what was it – oh, Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day. That’s a great movie. And this was a dance dance. This dance reminded me of a Fred and Ginger type of dance. Bruno actually said the same thing, but I wrote it first! I type fast. Fast fingers McGee, is what they call me. Well, not actually.

Instant Dance: Waiting for a Girl Like You by Foreigner

Kurt Warner and Anna: (Waltz) I think that when Warner does such a slow, elegant dance he suddenly re-realizes that he’s in a BALLROOM DANCING COMPETITION. Have they ever had a British dude as a celebrity dancer? British guys can always dance well, it’s in their genes. Because the song was “Take it to the Limit” I predicted one of the judges would say that Kurt either had/had not taken this dance to the limit. But they didn’t! Carrie Ann said she would want Kurt as a real life Ken doll. I think Carrie Ann, Kurt and his wife are going to re-enact the plot of that one Demi Moore movie.

Instant Dance: Hella Good (Hella Good?)

Bristol Palin and Mark Ballas:  (Argentine Tango) I cringe every time they call her a teen activist. Bristol and Mark went to Alaska to meet Bristol’s family, yet AGAIN . “The beginning is kind of scandalous” warned Bristol of a dance she was doing.  “Is it like lap-dancing scandalous?” asked Sarah Palin. “Just dominate, just take over!” is a sound byte gem Sarah gave us. I think that’s both her political outlook and her bedroom strategy. Anyway. Bristol is technically not a horrible dancer, but there’s no passion and she’s not THAT good. I never get a sense of fun or energy from her dances. But I do think she’s brave to do this, and probably does better than I would. As Len said, it was a clean dance but lacked intensity. He was then booed at this!

Instant Dance: Mas Que Nada

Brandy and Maks: (Waltz) Maks continues to be a tyrant as he teaches Brandy who is SO worried that they’ll go home because both Audrina and Rick were kicked off. It’s the likability factor that makes or breaks you, and I’m not so sure she has it. When she talks to the camera she seems ALMOST like an abuse victim defending her abuser. They were both wearing all white for this dance, and the song was so somber it seemed like an opera for a funeral scene. Bruno said Brandy had totally immersed into her character, and it was like a poem. Gag. Way to lay it on thick. Carrie Ann said Brandy needs to watch her neck to be relaxed and elongated. Len was “overwhelmed by the whole performance.” A betting man would have to say these two are a shoe-in for the finals. They got two ten’s.

Instant Dance: Teenage Dream