Last night on DWTS it was time to battle it out to see who will move past the semi-finals in Dancing with the Stars. (It’s also time to wonder if anyone else is as sick of this DWTS theme song as I am. It haunts me in my sleep!)

Tom Bergeron noted that we have the two best dancers as well as the comeback kid (Kyle Massey) and the consistent crowd pleaser (Bristol Palin.) Is it too much to hope that Massey might pull off the big win?

Here’s a run-down of the dances last night:

Brandy and Maks: (Paso Doble) The most entertaining thing was that Brandy wore a bizarre pirate-inspired costume which had no purpose at all. The two love doing fake acting, and this time Maks was a jerk treating Brandy’s character like she was nothing until she proved herself by wiggling juuust right. This theme hits a little too close to home to the pair, as Maks has never treated Brandy all that well. Len said the pair gave 100% in this dance. Bruno said there was a lot of anger and they (or Brandy) needed anger management. Carrie Ann believed the dance was passionate and that Brandy had worked on her upper carriage. Finally – a note about the form! Brandy said they dedicated that dance to anyone who had ever been bullied. But specifically, I suppose, bullied pirates? Score: 27/30

Jennifer Grey and Derek Hough: (Cha cha cha) Jennifer Grey got a bit of a solo as she shimmied around the judges in a wisp of a dress made of white ostrich feathers. It was very sexually charged to be on network TV before 9 p.m. – yowza. Bruno called this a luminous and vibrant cha cha cha with flawless execution. Jamie Lee Curtis was in the audience and they flashed to her several times – and she was very excited. Len said it was a high performance level with good technique and fun. And it’s true, this was a fun dance to watch. Can’t wait for the inevitable fall down. Score: 30/30 (Their second perfect score.)

Bristol Palin and Mark Ballas: (Paso Doble) Mark addressed that lots of people think shes’ getting votes just because of who her Mother is. Do he and Bristol  think that? No. Bristol said she’s relatable because she’s not fake (taking far too many pains to stress that she doesn’t necessarily think anyone else in the competition is fake – meaning she totally does.) Mark said it’s because people think they would dance how she does, so they like her. What! I would be a dancing star! Pft. Their song was “Gimmie More” which was a clever nod to what America apparently seems to say about Bristol. To me, she danced like a trained monkey. Shrug. Sarah Palin was in the audience, cheering on her daughter. Carrie Ann invited Bristol up for a hug, and said Bristol had nailed the dance. Do you suppose the judges were coached to go easy on Bristol since it never makes sense how she keeps being voted back? Len said it was her best dance, and Bruno said he never thought he’d see the little lamb turn into a tigress. (Is that because her hair was crimped like a lion’s mane? Also, WHO crimps their hair anymore? Why did they do that to her? That’s practically a hair assassination!) Score: 27/30 (Their highest score so far.)

Kyle Massey and Lacey Schwimmer: (Samba) As always, Lacey treats Kyle like he’s 5 years-old, even so far as calling him a “man child.” She’s always coddling and poking him like an annoyed Mother who needs to wipe his face. Len said Kyle had “more bounce to the ounce” than anyone. Is that a way of calling him chubby? He’s actually lost weight! Bruno then said he was a “bouncing bundle of fun.” Why were there all these baby references? Carrie Ann said she’d never seen so much pelvic action – and apparently she liked it. She called it the right blend of technique and performance. Score:  29/10

The show then turned into a Vh1 episode of “When they were Stars”  where we learned about the tragic backstories of our top four contenders. Brandy said the most difficult time she had was when she was involved in a fatal car accident. It wasn’t her fault, but she was still called a murderer. I never even heard about that. I know that Rebecca Gayheart had a similar situation. Earlier today I saw that Brandy was finally also talking about her eating disorder, although she says she wasn’t anorexic or bulimic, just not eating enough.

Brandy and Maks: (Argentine Tango) Len said her extension was fantastic, and loved the atmosphere of the inner emotion. Bruno said the dance was full of flavor and had great emotional depth. I agree, this was a good dance. Score: 30

Jennifer Grey’s segment involved news of Dirty Dancing when she suddenly became America’s Sweetheart and then the horrible, fatal car accident she was in with her then-boyfriend Matthew Broderick. (The two best celebrity dancers in this show were both in car crashes that killed two people…weird.) Her neck has been very fragile ever since then. Jamie Lee Curtis spoke of how proud she was of her friend.

Jennifer Grey and Derek Hough: (Waltz) I was distracted by the song, which I hated and reminded me of being forced to shop with my Mom when I was very little, and they would play really bad soft rock songs in the stores. Bruno called it a gem of a waltz with stylish, elegant detail. Carrie Ann said she could see her soul and the body doesn’t lie (Shakira was outraged somewhere, her hips flaming with rage!) Len said “sometimes a whisper can speak louder than a shout” and “If I’m dreaming, don’t wake me up.” Geez, what other cliches would he like to invoke? Score: 30/30. This gave her a perfect score for the night.

Sarah Palin, of course, was in Bristol’s segment. We learned Bristol played football as a child and Bristol said she never had any challenges until she started dating Levi. The day Bristol said she was pregnant changed their world. Lots of people called her a skeeze. After Bristol had her baby, she’s become an activist for abstinence, telling young teenage girls how hard it is to raise a baby.

Bristol Palin and Mark Ballas: (Waltz) I don’t get a sense of connection to her partner during her dances, but I think her technique was very well executed, for once. Carrie Ann said Bristol drifted out and didn’t show emotion for this dance. (She was booed for saying that.) Len said he loved her vulnerability and thought it was beautiful. Bruno liked that she was a women of mystery in the dance. He also said that she’s truly had a long journey during this show. Bristol then mentioned God as they waited for their scores, saying of her future plans: “There’s a lot that God has in store for me.” Well, you can always win votes by bringing God into it! Score: 53/60 for the night.

Kyle’s segment was the most exciting one because we really don’t know anything about this dude! Kyle was on That’s So Raven and then a spin-off show. He’d started out acting and did well, so his Mother took him and his brother out to Hollywood. Just before they were going to leave, Kyle was booked.

Kyle Massey and Lacey Schwimmer: (Argentine Tango) He seemed very powerful in this dance, and really was acting the part. But the thing that messes me up when he smiles and then goes back into a taut, SRZ face. Breaking the character gives it a less consistent performance to read into, for me. Len says Kyle is a star and no one has ever performed with so much attack in 11 seasons as he does. Bruno says he was strong, sharp and masculine. He liked how Kyle moves from fun into drama, and said he was Mr. Charisma. Carrie Ann said he reminded her of Emmitt Smith. Score: 29/30

So, what did you think? Who do you think will be booted off tonight?



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