It’s time to find out what the Dancing with the Stars result show tells us about which cast members have some serious fans, and which can dance but still won’t be saved. Scroll all the way down to the bottom if you don’t want the full recap, and just want to know who was eliminated and why!

The opening number danced by the professional dancers had music by Santana. It made me even shake my booty in my chair as I typed this. Really, the only difference between me and those pro’s is that I wasn’t wearing a lime green frilly skirt. I have one, but it’s getting dry cleaned, okay?

Michael Bolton & Chelsie were the first couple saved to dance next week. The second couple safe was Margaret Cho and Louis. Mike “The Situation” and David Hasselhoff were the two stars in the bottom. We can’t loose Mike!

Nooo! The Situation has charisma! Plus he’s the only star there who actually had to put “work” (i.e. showing his abs and being filmed getting laid for MTV)  on hold to schedule this in. Most other celebs here don’t have other projects going on. But seriously, I think it’s a coop for DWTS that they landed a reality TV star during their actual fifteen minutes of first-time fame. Keeping The Situation = Dancing with the Stars will be awesome every week. Plus, think of all the weird puns everyone can make! AREN’T YOU THINKING OF THE CRAFTY WORDPLAY OPTIONS AT ALL”? Oh man, guys. We’ve got a situation. We need The Situation!

Then Adam Carolla blah blah blah. He’s annoying. Especially when riding a unicycle in a red silk shirt. He went on a Tour de Dance (SEE? Puns are fun!) to learn about dances. The Jive was developed in harlem. I appreciated when he made fun of the 80’s hairstyles of David Hasselhoff. Cuba gave us the Rumba. Brazil gives us the Samba. Across the Atlantic we get the Waltz from Vienna. England gave us the quickstep (Charlston +Foxtrot.) Then we get the Paso Doble from…France? Okay, I checked Wikipedia which is the ultimate in all knowledge, and it says the passo doble originated in Southern France. (It sounded Spanish to me.)

Then Daughtry appeared. This is the band with Chris Daughtry of American Idol. Begin the obvious musical comparisons to Creed and Nickelback.

The four highest-scoring stars: Brandy, Kyle Massey, Rick Fox, and Jennifer Grey. Brooke Burke made a joke about “big men really can dance” which I think might have been a rift on that movie “White Men Can’t Jump.”

Jennifer Grey and Rick Fox were both saved next.No surprises there.

Santana and India Aria performed, “While my Guitar Gently Weeps.” Calling it beautiful would be an understatement.

They talked to Audrina Pattridge, Florence Henderson, Kurt Warner and Bristol Palin. Palin said her Mom, Sarah Palin, had a party at her house to watch the episode last night.

Audrina and Florence were then saved. Followed by Santana and Chris Daughtry performing. Daughtry said he was rooting for Michael Bolton. Santana remarked he was hoping Kurt Warner would win.

This is when I realized that Danneel Harris (Friends with Benefits) had begun following @Ssscoop on Twitter so I kind of zoned out to squee.

It came down to The Situation, Kurt Warner, David Hasselhoff and Kyle Massey as the four who could be eliminated. Then Kurt and The Situation were saved. YAY! So, it came down to David Hasselhoff who can’t dress but is more famous, and Kyle Massey who CAN dance but isn’t very famous. I had a bad feeling that Kyle would be eliminated when it came down to these two choices.

The Dancing with the Stars season 11 week 1 results are: Who was eliminated on DWTS? David Hasselhoff was eliminated! Which made me glad because he couldn’t do much dancing, although I liked hearing his daughter’s be proud of him.

Dancing with the Stars season 11 has only just begun! Stay tuned to for weekly coverage! We write as the show airs EST, and post immediately afterward!