This is the second part of out DWTS review of season 11 week 3. To read part one about Jennifer Grey, Florence Henderson, Margaret Cho and Kurt Warner click here. But now, we’re going to focus on Audrina Patridge, Bristol Palin, and Brandy… AKA the one who blinds the judges by having a good body (I think she blinds them with her boobs), the “teen activist” with insecurity about performing, and the diva who has a controlling, jerk-faced partner (not only IS he a jerk, but his face really is a jerk-face.) Things got a little complicated here!

Audrina Patridge and Tony Dovolani: The story was a man coming back from death to dance with his lover (or favorite one night stand, they never specified!) for the last time. I saw no emotion from Audrina, which was so disappointing. The dance felt choppy, and I didn’t like it at all. But the judges sure did! Bruno liked it a lot, and said it was a hit. Carrie Ann said it was beautiful. Len said it was the most touching dance of the night. What dance were they watching? The “ghost” that Tony played was a marine. Audrina tried to explain, in a ditzy way, that it was a dance paying honor to troops, only she fumbled her words and it sounded like “armed, soldiers” or some mix-up of two different phrases. I would be nice and chalk this up to being live TV and her being nervous, but I’ve seen way too much of The Hills to believe Audrina isn’t a media whore who is also a total “blonde.” The only update? Her dress was nice.

Bristol Palin and Mark Ballas: Carrie said she didn’t completely understand the story… let me try to explain it… uh, Bristol was walking by a homeless person who could Pop N’ Lock, and then decided to foxtrot with him because she had a good heart. Yea, it didn’t so much make sense. Len said he didn’t like it. Bruno said she was clean with her moves and doing what she needed to do, but not expressive. She needs to feel things.

Brandy and Maksim: Their story influence was of the movie “The Bodyguard.” A movie I’ve never seen – oops. Maks seems really hard to work with, I wouldn’t want to partner with him. The story was that Brandy was a singing diva and Maksim was the bodyguard. Len said it was improved from last week, and he still didn’t get the story because Maksim wasn’t acting protective at all. And that’s right, there was nothing about the story that made sense. Carrie tried to slap Maks behind (he didn’t let her), just as he’d done to Brandy during practice. Everyone seemed to think Brandy will continue to do better. I am suddenly seeing that Maksim is a huge jerk. Despite Brandy’s self-confidence, he actually makes her feel bad for speaking up, and she went into practice with tape over her mouth. Yea. Now there’s a message. Just like some sort of Stockholm syndrome person, all we heard was Brandy defending Maksim and how skilled he was and how he was making her better. She is totally Patty Hearst now. If you don’t get the reference, shame on you! Here: Patty Hearst